I laughed wryly. She wouldn’t have enjoyed what I’d endured last night.
‘Mind you,’ she went on confidingly, ‘he did kiss me on the way home last night. But then I expect he kisses most girls.’
The sun was making me feel sick again. I moved into the shade. She asked me endless questions about my life in London and the people I knew.
‘Do you actually know Mick Jagger?’ She couldn’t hear enough about it.
‘I’m coming to London soon. I’ve just finished a typing course, and I’ve got to look for a job.’
‘Come and stay,’ I was amazed to find myself saying. ‘My flat’s huge. You can have a bed for as long as you like.’
‘Goodness,’ she went all pink. ‘May I really? It’d be marvellous, just for a few days until I find somewhere. And I wonder, could you tell me the best place to buy clothes? I mean my mother’s super, but she’s never been much help in that way.’
A moment later, when we were joined by the others, she immediately told Gareth I’d asked her to come and stay. I expected him to discourage her, but he merely said, ‘Good idea, why not?’
Why had I done it, I wondered, as I escaped to help with lunch. Was I trying to prove that I could be nice occasionally, or was I unconsciously trying to impress Gareth by getting on with one of his friends, or was it merely that I wanted to keep some link with him, however tenuous, after tonight?
I had a great deal of difficulty forcing anything down at lunch. I couldn’t even smoke, which is a sign of approaching death with me. I was paralysed with shyness by Gareth’s presence. Every time he looked at me I jerked my eyes away. Why couldn’t I bring any of the old magic into play? Glancing sideways from under my lashes, letting my hair fall over my eyes, pulling up my skirt to show more leg, leaning forward so he could see down my shirt, which would always be buttoned a couple of inches too low. Overnight I’d suddenly become as gauche as a teenager. I didn’t even know what to do with my mouth — like the first time one wears lipstick.
To make matters worse, Jeremy was watching me like a warder. He no longer held any charm for me; he was so anxious to please, he’d lost all the lazy, take-it-or-leave-it manner that I’d found so irresistible a week ago. Immediately we’d finished eating, I leapt up to do the washing up. Anything to get away from that highly charged atmosphere.
‘Leave it,’ said Jeremy. ‘For goodness sake, Octavia, relax.’
‘What a bore we’re going back to London tonight,’ grumbled Gussie. ‘It’s been such a lovely restful weekend.’
A smile flickered across Gareth’s face.
‘You must have so much planning to do for the wedding,’ Lorna said. ‘I love weddings.’
Jeremy’s leg suddenly pressed against mine. I moved it away.
‘Your hair’s gone a fantastic colour in the sun,’ he said.
‘Is it natural, I can’t remember?’ said Gussie.
I was about to say ‘yes’ — I’d never admitted to anyone before that it was dyed — when I caught Gareth’s eye and, for some strange reason, changed my mind.
‘Well, let’s say my hairdresser helps it along a bit.’
Gussie picked up a daisy chain she’d been making. The threaded flowers were already wilting on the table. Lorna looked out of the porthole at the heat-soaked landscape. Any moment one felt the dark trees might move towards us.
‘It’s like one of those days people remember as the end of something,’ she said, ‘The last before the war, the day the king died.’
Gussie split another daisy stalk open. ‘Don’t frighten me, you make me think something frightful will happen tonight.’
A mulberry-coloured cloud had hidden the sun.
‘I think it’s going to thunder,’ said Jeremy.
Gussie put the daisy chain over his head. It was too small and rested like a coronet on his blond hair. He pushed it away irritably.
‘Oh, you’ve broken it,’ wailed Gussie.
I couldn’t stand the tension any longer. I got to my feet and stretched.
‘Where are you off to?’ said Gussie.
‘I’m going to wander up-stream.’
‘We’ll come with you,’ said Jeremy standing up.
‘No!’ I said sharply, then tried to make a joke of it. ‘I like walking by myself. I feel my Greta Garbo mood coming on.’
‘We’re going to Lorna’s parents for tea,’ said Gussie.
I didn’t join them. As I wandered through the meadows I tried to sort out what I really felt. It’s the heat and the proximity I kept telling myself. You’ve fallen for Gareth because he’s the first man to pull you up. It’s a challenge because he doesn’t fancy you — just as Jeremy was a challenge until you’d hooked him. But it was no good. Wanting Jeremy had been but a child’s caprice for a forbidden toy, nothing compared with the desperate need I felt for Gareth.
I wandered for miles and then sat down under a tree. I must have dozed off, for the shadows were lengthening when I woke up. I couldn’t face tea with the Hamiltons, teacups balanced on our knees, having post mortems about the party; so I went back to the boat. No one was about. I packed my suitcases, tidied the saloon and washed up lunch. I was behaving so well, I’d be qualifying for my girl guide badge at this rate.
Then I heard footsteps, and someone jumping on to the deck. I gave a shiver of excitement as a tall figure appeared in the doorway. But it was only Jeremy. Once more I felt that crippling kick of disappointment.
‘Why didn’t you turn up for tea? I’ve been worried about you.’
There was a predatory look in his eyes that suddenly had me scared and on my guard.
‘I fell asleep and when I woke up I realized it was late, so I came back here.’
‘And by telepathy I knew and followed you,’ he said.
‘Are the others coming?’
‘Not for ages. Gussie’s discovered a grand piano, so she’s happy strumming away. Gareth and Lorna have gone off for a walk together.’
My nails were cutting into the palms of my hands. Last night Gareth had kissed her. God knows what else he might get up to on a hot summer afternoon. I picked up some glasses.
‘Where are you going?’ asked Jeremy.
‘Putting these away.’
For a second he barred my way, then stood aside and followed me through into the saloon. Very slowly I stacked the glasses in the cupboard. When I turned round he was standing just behind me. He put his hands on my arms.
‘No,’ I said sharply.
‘No what? I haven’t done anything yet.’
‘Then let me go.’
‘The hell I will!’
His fingers tightened on my arms.
‘I want you,’ he said. ‘Ever since I first saw you, I’ve been burning up with wanting you.’
‘What about Gussie?’ I asked feebly. ‘We were going to wait till we got back to London.’
‘Oh come on now. You, of all people, don’t give a damn about Gussie, and at this moment in time, neither do I.’
He bent his head and kissed me, forcing my mouth open with his tongue.
‘No!’ I struggled, completely revolted. ‘No! No! No!’
‘Shut up,’ he said. ‘Don’t play the little hypocrite with me. We all know your reputation, darling. You wanted me, don’t pretend you didn’t, and now you’re going to get me, hot and strong.’
Desperately, I tried to pull away from him.
‘Let me go!’ I screamed.
But he only laughed and forced me back on to one of the bench seats, shutting my protesting mouth with his, tearing at the buttons of my shirt.
Suddenly a door opened. ‘Knock it off you two,’ said a voice of ice.
Jeremy sprang away from me. ‘What the fuck. .’
‘For God’s sake pull yourself together. Gussie’s just coming,’ said Gareth.