But it was too late, Gussie came bouncing into the saloon.
‘Darling love, I missed you. Hullo Tavy, did you get lost?’
Then, with agonizing slowness, she took in the situation, looking at my rumpled hair and torn shirt, the buttons of which I was frenziedly trying to do up, the smeared lipstick on Jeremy’s face, the chair knocked over, the papers strewn all over the floor.
There was a ghastly pause.
‘Octavia,’ she whispered in horror. ‘You of all people, how could you? You swore you weren’t interested in Jeremy. I thought you were a friend of mine. And as for you!’ She turned to Jeremy, ‘Don’t you think I want to marry you after this.’
She tugged at her engagement ring but it wouldn’t come off. Finally she gave a little sob and fled out of the cabin.
‘Go after her!’ said Gareth. ‘Say you’re sorry, that it didn’t mean anything — at once,’ he rapped out at Jeremy.
I collapsed into a chair, my heart pounding, my face in my hands. ‘Oh my God, how terrible!’
‘And you can belt up,’ Gareth snarled at me. ‘You’ve done enough damage for one afternoon.’
‘I tried to stop him, really I did.’
‘Don’t give me that. There’s no need to explain yourself. You were just running true to form.’ And he walked out of the saloon, slamming the door behind him.
The awful thing was that we still had to pack up the boat and Lorna had to drive us to the original mooring twenty miles away, where Jeremy and Gareth had parked their cars. Gussie insisted on sitting in the back with Gareth and sobbing all the way. Jeremy and I, loathing each other’s guts, had to sit in front with Lorna.
When we finally got to where the cars were parked, Gussie refused to drive back to London with Jeremy. Gareth didn’t even say goodbye.
God, how ironic, I thought miserably, it’s worked out exactly as I planned it should. Gussie and Jeremy breaking up and Jeremy driving me back to London. But instead of being in each other’s arms, we were at each other’s throats. Jeremy looked grey beneath his suntan, all the bravado and panache seemed to be knocked out of him. The trees by the roadside fell away and rushed back in clumps.
‘You’ve got to talk to Gussie,’ said Jeremy. ‘Tell her it was all your fault. All right, I admit I tried to pull you this afternoon, but my God, I had provocation.’
‘I know you did,’ I said listlessly. ‘I’m sorry. I thought I wanted you so much; then when it came to the crunch, I found I didn’t after all.’
‘Yeah well, it’s the same with me. I was crazy about you, but now I realize I’m in danger of losing Gus, it all seems a terrible mistake. It’s the ill-wind department, I suppose. Takes a jolt like this to make you realize how much you really need someone. She’s so straight, Gus.’
I’d seldom seen a man more shattered.
‘Tell her it was your doing,’ he pleaded. ‘Tell her how much you led me on. It’s no skin off your nose.’
‘All right,’ I said, ‘I’ll talk to her. But it’s no good trying to see her until tomorrow.’
Chapter Thirteen
On the day after we got back to London, I tried to ring Gussie several times at the office. Finally they admitted she hadn’t come in, so I went round to her flat. It was a typical girl’s flat — unwashed cups and overflowing ashtrays everywhere and three half-unpacked suitcases in the drawing-room. I removed a grubby white bra and a brown apple core from one of the armchairs and sat down.
‘What do you want?’ asked Gussie. She was still in her dressing gown and her face was swollen with crying.
‘To explain about Jeremy,’ I said.
‘I don’t want any of your lies,’ she said.
‘But you’ve got to listen. It was all my fault, you see, from the beginning. I took one look at Jeremy that first night at Arabella’s and he was so beautiful I decided I must get him away from you at all costs. I never wanted anyone so much in all my life so I pulled out all the stops — making eyes at him, admitting to his face that I fancied him, wandering round with only a towel falling off me, arranging to meet him on deck after you’d gone to sleep. He didn’t stand a chance.’
She looked at me in horror. ‘You actually went out of your way to get him?’
I nodded. ‘I made an absolutely dead set that evening at the Hamilton’s party,’ I went on, lying now. ‘When I got drunk and behaved so badly, it was only because I was furious with Jeremy, because he wasn’t reacting at all.’
‘But what happened yesterday?’
‘I was sulking by myself on the boat, when Jeremy turned up, worried I’d been gone for such a long time, and well, I sort of tried to seduce him.’
‘And that’s when Gareth and I came in?’
‘That’s right.’ I got up and wandered over to the window. ‘Any man would have been flattered by being pursued so relentlessly. It was just the heat and being cooped up on the boat together. Hell, he only kissed me, anyway. He loves you, he does really. He was absolutely demented on the way home last night.’
Gussie pulled at a wispy bit of hair.
‘He was?’ she said dully.
‘Anyway,’ I went on, ‘you said the other day on the boat, that you expected him to be unfaithful to you and you’d always forgive him.’
‘I know I did,’ said Gussie with a sob, ‘but one says such stupid things in theory, and they’re so horrible when they happen in practice.’
I went over and put my arm round her. ‘Please don’t cry, Gussie.’
‘Don’t touch me,’ she hissed. ‘I was thinking about you all last night. You’re wicked, you’ve always been wicked. Ever since we were at school together, you’ve resented my friends and tried to take them away from me. And now you’ve stolen the most precious thing I ever had. Why do you do it? You’re so beautiful you can have any man you choose.’
‘Because I’ve always been jealous of you,’ I said slowly, echoing Gareth’s words. ‘Because, in spite of my yellow hair and my long legs, people have always liked you more than they liked me.’
There was a pause.
‘I suppose it was kind of you to come and tell me all this,’ she said in a set little voice. ‘It does make a difference. I had a long talk to Gareth last night.’
‘What did he say?’ I tried to keep my voice expressionless.
‘That Jeremy was basically a lightweight, that I’d do better to cut my losses and pack him in. He said you may have encouraged Jeremy in the beginning, but on reflection he guessed that he was only too ready to be distracted and that it was Jeremy who forced the pace yesterday. He said marriage to Jeremy would be one long string of infidelities, and he was only marrying me for security and for my money.’
‘But that’s brutal!’ I gasped.
‘Isn’t it? But that’s the thing I like about Gareth, he tells the truth about things that matter.’
‘Did he say anything else?’ I said numbly. ‘About me, I mean.’
‘Not much. He agreed with me that if you really set your cap at someone, it would be almost impossible to resist you.’
I bit my lip. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s not so easy for me,’ Gussie said, playing with the tassel of her dressing gown. ‘I don’t get boyfriends very easily. Jeremy was the first man who ever said he loved me. I can’t go to a party tomorrow like you can, and pick up a new man just like that. I can’t walk down the street and be caressed and comforted by the admiration in men’s eyes. You haven’t a clue what it’s like not having any sex appeal. With you it’s only a question of time. I may never meet another man who wants to marry me.’
I felt a flash of irritation. Why the hell didn’t she go on a diet? Then I felt guilty.