“What are those?” he asked casually, as if they did not matter.
“Some older notes. When I was in Stravina with Magiere and Leesil, I managed to send Domin Tilswith a few journals before the rest were lost. He returned them to me later. I’m just copying and reorganizing.”
Same excuse. She appeared to be doing a lot of copying these days, but he did not press her.
“I am going hunting,” he said. “Shade can stay with you.”
She nodded, but waited until he walked away before resuming her task.
Chane did not go hunting. Instead, he slipped into the shadows of a small outcrop and stood there, hidden and watching her. Again, she laid out the three old journals. She would glance at them, write briefly in the new journal, and then close her eyes and touch Shade.
After a while, she was turning pages of the old journals faster than the newer one. As little as she wrote, she was writing less and less as she went on.
Suddenly, she turned the final pages of the two blue journals, and then the final page of the brown one he had read. She touched Shade for a long moment, sat straight, and sighed as if in relief.
“All right. I think that’s it—we’re done.”
Wynn stroked the dog’s ears and slipped the new journal into her pack, which rested a few paces from the fire. And then, to Chane’s shock, she picked up all three of the old journals and dropped them in the fire.
He wanted to shout at her to stop, but he braced himself to keep from running forward and kicking the journals out of the fire. Mixed feelings or not, those were her scholarly accounts! She could not have fit the contents of all three into the new journal now stored in her pack.
Chane did not know what to do and kept fighting his instincts to rush forward.
“Wynn, can you see to the horses?” Ore-Locks called out. “I will look for more firewood.”
“Of course,” she called back, and with one last look at the now smoldering journals, she walked away.
Chane waited only an instant more, until she was out in front of the wagon, where she could not see him. He dashed out of the shadows and grabbed the journals out of the fire, quietly stomping out their smoldering edges. Since he had already read the brown one, he quickly opened the blue ones—the oldest ones.
To his astonishment, he found numerous references to himself as he flipped through the pages. He was lost in trying to wrap his thoughts around this revelation.
Looking up, making sure she was still off with the horses, he quickly retrieved the new journal she had shoved in her pack. When he opened it, he found that he could not read it at all.
The symbols were dense, more complex than anything he had seen before written in the Begaine syllabary. The few he could discern by slowly deconstructing their combined letters and marks made no sense to him at all. Wynn had filled very few pages with these symbols, as if she had written condensed, encrypted notes—intentionally difficult to read.
Chane tucked the journal back into her pack, exactly as he had found it, and pondered this puzzle.
In her earliest work, she had included the stories of his involvement with her. Then, in her first rewrites, she had omitted him for some reason. Now that she was boiling all her journals down to encrypted notes—and far too few to hold all that she had originally recorded—she was burning anything readable.
He heard her humming, a little off-key, as she finished with the horses. She would return soon. A part of him desperately wanted to keep the three singed journals. The thought of a sage, his Wynn, destroying knowledge was like witnessing a fall from grace by one who truly mattered in this world. The thought of these journals burning felt like one of the last of Wynn’s connections to scholarly pursuits would turn to smoke and ash.
How many old journals had she burned so far? And why did she stop in her reading and writing to touch Shade in silent stillness before continuing?
Chane rose in the dark as the only possible truth came to him.
Wynn could be doing only one thing with Shade—passing memories. Shade remembered everything once it settled in her strange mind. Wynn was not copying all that she had previously written into the new journal. She was copying encrypted symbols ... and then mentally sharing the contents of the old journals with Shade.
To his shame, he envied their closeness.
He flipped open the brown journal. There were newer, small notes she had made in the margins beside names like Sorhkafâré. One read, Omit anyone who might have lived during the war. She was actively working to hide information from the wrong eyes. But foremost in his mind was still the question: Why had she omitted him completely in her first round of recopied journals and the much-later ones that had not needed to be re-created? She had mentioned all vampires but him.
Chane returned to his first revelation that Wynn was hiding knowledge. Another realization changed everything, and his hands began to tremble. She had not been trying to blot him out of her life.
Wynn had been hiding ... protecting him.
And he could hear her coming back.
He could not risk her seeing him like this. He desperately wanted to keep the journals—especially the blue ones—to save a part of her for himself. But she had gone to great lengths to hide his existence, along with any possible information their enemies might acquire.
Wincing, Chane dropped the old journals into the fire and fled back into the shadows. He did not look back, as he could not bear to watch them burn.
Several nights later, past dusk, Chane watched Wynn and Ore-Locks climb higher up one of the foothills. Occasionally, they both used the ends of their staffs to pound the ground and listen for any hollow sounds echoing beneath.
Shade paced beside Wynn, sniffing dirt and rocks. Like Chane, she was a reluctant partner in this current task. The choice had been to either help or do nothing; the latter would have destroyed any illusions Wynn might still harbor that they wished for her success.
Until now, they had both tried to help despite their reservations. But Chane’s recent discoveries through Wynn’s journals did not make him any more bound to her mission. They made him only more determined to protect her, even from herself.
By this fourth night after stumbling upon the way station, they had found no further clues to a hidden entrance beneath the mountains. Their supplies were almost gone, and game was even scarcer here than along the ridges of the pass. There was nothing for Shade and him to hunt. Chane had been taking note of Wynn’s demeanor, watching for any growing hints of uncertainty.
It was time to move on.
“This is ridiculous,” he said. “We are wasting time.”
When Wynn looked down from her higher vantage point, he expected her to argue, but for the briefest instant, doubt crossed her pretty, dusty face, as if she partially agreed. And he knew he had her. He required only the tiniest crack in her armor.
“One more night,” she said, not sounding confident. “We’ll look for the rest of tonight, and if we don’t find anything, then tomorrow we’ll return to the pass and move into the mountain range.”
He could see the pain in her eyes as she spoke these words. Looking for a fallen mountain in a vast range was like seeking a single, special pebble in a rushing river. Shade looked up from her sniffing, swinging her head back and forth between Wynn and Chane.
“Do you want to waste another whole night looking for something that does not exist?” he challenged, crossing his arms.
This drove the doubt from Wynn’s face, and she stepped toward him.
“Chane, you are not making the—”
“The decisions?” he cut in. “Apparently, neither are you. We have wandered in the foothills, wasting nearly four nights.”