“Thanks, Ty.”
Part of me wants to cry. I hold it in and enjoy the time we have together. After walking a few miles, we take a break under a tree. We’re lying down, looking at one another, and neither of us knows what to say. He traces small circles on my hand. It’s comforting to have him close to me. Tyler’s the best and always knows what to say.
“You’re beautiful,” his eyes travel from my eyes down my body. My face heats up. I miss that look of want and desire. I want to feel his hands all over my body and the pleasure I know he’ll bring. I’m scared to get to that level with him. What if I freak out and cry? What if it’s too much for me to handle?
Love means showing and expressing, and I can’t give him my body like before.
“I can’t believe how nice it is today.” I have to change the subject so I’m not thinking about sex. “So, how are you feeling?”
“Great. Because of you Bay. These last few days have been fun,” he touches my hand, “seeing you get out of your comfort zone is pretty damn good.”
The only thing I can do is smile. Everything is going well, minus a few arguments. I’m having a good time, and for once I’m not smiling or pretending I’m happy. Right now, I’m in this moment and it’s a good place to be.
“Want to head back and swim at my house?”
“Sure,” I answer, and take his hand, feeling the immediate spark he causes when our skin touches.
When we get back from the park, I rush inside and change into a swimsuit. Standing in front of the mirror, I hold in my breath and look at my reflection. This isn’t going to work. How do I only own bikinis and nothing else? I rummage through my drawers, hoping to find a one piece of something a little more conservative. Maybe I should text him and ask to come and watch a movie. Movies are safe because movies require wearing clothes. Or maybe we can go to the gym and workout. Working out requires clothes too.
Grabbing my phone, I text Mandy and hope she isn’t too drunk to give me some advice.
Mandy: Wear the damn bikini! You look ahhh mazing in almost anything. .Plus it’ll be funny to get him all hot and bothered
Me: You aren’t helping
Mandy: Yes I am. As your best friend I command you to wear a bikini, walk outside, stand up tall and proud and get your tan on. .Just pretend you’re with me in Cabo and we’re sipping on a fruity drink with a straw
Me: That sounds so good right now
Mandy: Shoulda came with us suckaaaaaaa now go! I see a hot boy with an eight pack so peace out sista!
I shake my head and gain the courage I need to walk outside and hang out with Tyler. I mean, my goodness, I can do this. I’ve seen him naked and he’s seen me. It’s not like I have anything to hide.
Grabbing a sun dress, I head downstairs, a little more cautious and when I’m out the door, I think about making up an excuse. It’s been a while since I’ve worn anything this revealing.
“I can do this,” I tell myself over and over again until I’m standing at the gate of his pool. Letting myself in, I grab a towel from the chair and lie down. Putting on my sunglasses, I grab the hem of my dress and hesitate. “Ugh screw it,” I mumble and pull the dress off. I’m not ashamed of my body. I just don’t like to feel practically naked, even if I trust Tyler.
Breathing in and out until I hear the gate, I open my eyes to see a very tan and sexy Tyler walking toward me. Sweet holy hell. No, I won’t drool over him. Oh, who am I kidding! He’s perfect with his tan, abs and what? A cut v line. The gym has been good to him. So very good. Damn him!
“Eyes up here Bay.” He laughs, taking a seat at the end of my chair. His hands find my feet and he massages them, making my body feel like jelly.
“Want to jump in?”
“Huh?” I have to pull myself together and not be mesmerized by his sexy as sin body. Tyler stops massaging and grabs my arms, pulling me forward. We’re face to face and I can smell his minty breath. “Lets. Swim.” I see his eyes wandering to my boobs. Mental note: must buy a one piece ASAP.
We jump in the pool at the same time and when I come up for air, I see him standing in front of me. His hands rest on my waist and my body tenses.
“I hate how scared you look,” he tells me, “why are you scared of me?”
“I’m not scared of you. It’s hard for me to be this close to anyone. It’s a big step for me to be out here with you. I’m trying, though. You have to give me some credit. We’re together. I’m going out with you and we spend the nights together. That should count for something.”
“I know you are.” He kisses my forehead, “I just hate that look in your eyes. You used to look at me with love and now it’s replaced with fear and hesitation. I wish you’d let yourself be happy.”
I swallow the lump in my throat and push away from him, swimming to a safe corner. It’s overwhelming being here with him, so close and no one else around. I know he won’t hurt me. I’m just scared of being this close to anyone. The way I used to look at him is still on my mind and that’ll never go away.
I’m leaving tomorrow and all I can think about is Bayleigh and being in her arms again. Pushing off my blanket, I rush out of my house and climb the tree to get to her room. Looking back, this tree has a lot of memories. At night, we used to sneak into each other’s rooms and in the morning climb out and back to our room.
All I want to do is talk to her and spend my last night here watching her sleep. A nervous feeling hits me. My stomach is in knots and I think about heading home. I’m not sure if this is a good idea. The word space and leave go through my head.
Opening her bedroom window, I climb in and stand before her. Everything I want is right here. She’s beautiful when she’s sleeping. Her face is peaceful and her long hair fans the pillows under her head. Kneeling down, I kiss her forehead and stare at her.
Getting the courage I need, I climb into bed with her and bring her to my body. “Let me stay,” I tell her.
“Stay,” her hushed voice tells me, “I’m glad you’re here.”
“This is where I want to be on my last night. I know we had a little fight today and I’m sorry for pushing all my emotions on you. I’m selfish and scared.”
“I know, me too. Our feelings are strong. I need you to understand, all I need is time.”
“I understand.” She clenches me tighter and I can finally breathe easier. Her gaze drifts to me and her eyes are my undoing. Those eyes that make me weak and hard in a matter of seconds. My eyes roam her face and stare at her plump lips. It’s taking everything in me to not feel her lips on mine. My heart thuds against my chest when I see her lips curve into a smile. I need to change the topic and say something, “Knock knock.”
“Ah, who’s there?”
“You.”
“You who?”
I throw my hands in the air and make her look at me. “Yooohoo big summer blowout.”
Immediately we laugh and she tells me I’m an idiot for telling her the joke. For a moment, she’s back to herself- carefree and full of laughter.
“You’re so corny. Plus Frozen is your favorite Disney movie. Not mine.”
“Na,” I reposition myself, “I like Beauty and the Beast. Even though he’s a monster, she finds a way to love him with her whole heart, which breaks the spell. And guess what?”
“What?” She heavily breathes as I lean in closer.
“I’ll break the spell one day.”
My lips brush over hers. It’s a simple kiss, but it ignites my body and I want more. I touch her face and press another kiss to her cheek, making my way to her lips.
“Tell me to stop.” She doesn’t say anything. Instead her eyes flutter and close and she’s leaning into me, begging for more. My hand slides along her shoulders to the nape of her neck, bringing her closer to me. Our lips connect again and when she opens her mouth, I slide my tongue in, feeling hers against mine. The taste and feel of her mouth is blowing up my insides. I can’t get enough of this moment. All I want to do is freeze time so we can stay like this. The breathy noise she’s making and the grip she has on my shirt, pulling me down to her. My body hovers over hers and the weight is on my forearm. God, I love this girl.