“I wish I could be in Cali with you. Maybe if I wasn’t starting this job, it could happen.” His breathing is loud and I can hear it through the phone. “I’m going to see if it’ll be possible to visit you for a weekend?” I have to form this as a question. The back and forth isn’t healthy for either of us. I don’t want to confuse him or confuse myself.
“Only if that’s what you want. Don’t think about what I want or what anyone else wants. Remember that what you want is what matters.”
“I know.” I pause letting it all sink in. “I should get going and head to bed. Remember, you’re three hours ahead of me,” he laughs and I hear the smile on his face.
“Sweet dreams, Bay.”
I let out a breath, “Sweet dreams, Ty.”
Setting my phone down, I walk to my bathroom and brush my teeth. I think about the visit and maybe it’s something I can do.
Finishing my nightly routine, I climb back into bed and see another message from Tyler. This time it’s a video. I smile and open it. How Did I Fall In Love With You by Backstreet Boys is playing in the background. He’s singing softly to me. Touching his face on my screen, I kiss him and hope he feels the kiss.
Me: Thank you for my song
Ty: Forever
The next morning, I grab my bag and climb out of my car to go to the gym. The air is humid and the sun’s out. With fall around the corner, I’m pretty excited. As much as I love summer, I love fall just a little more. I love seeing the leaves change and breathing in the crisp air. Fall also means the return of my beloved Pumpkin Spice Latte.
Pulling my hair up in a ponytail, I walk in and hand the receptionist my card. Heading to the locker room, I look down to get out my lock when a wall collides into me, causing me to fall on my ass.
“Ow,” I yelp, “seriously, can you watch where you’re going?” I get up and see a very tall and handsome man with deep brown eyes looking at me.
“Sorry. I didn’t see you,” he states, holding out his hand to help me up.
“I got it,” I sneer, “thanks.” I know I put my head down and all, but it’s not like you can miss me. I’m wearing bright pink shorts and a white top.
“Sorry again. Have a great day.” He smiles and walks away, leaving me feeling like a total jerk. I turn around to apologize but he’s long gone.
I put my things in a locker and head out to the treadmill to run a few miles before hitting the weights. Music thumps in my ears, pushing me to run, keeping my breathing leveled and my focus on point. When I run, nothing gets in my way. It’s the best stress release and what I’ve been doing for almost two years. Back in high school, I was a cheerleader and played lacrosse, so I’ve always been healthy and fit. Now I’m taking that fitness to a new level. Honestly, I need to protect myself and get away fast if I’m ever in that situation again.
“Thanks for doing this for me, Mandy. I appreciate it. She needs to stay busy and get out there more. I owe you.”
“No big deal. I agree she needs to be out there. Plus, it’s not like it took a lot. The firm loves her and she should be working. We swam the other day and hung out. She looks good.”
I close my eyes and think about her happy and smiling. I want her to do things when I’m not there. I know it’s hard for her, and shit will hit the fan if she ever finds out my plans to get her to do things. I always will protect her and make sure she’s okay.
“I’m glad. I think things will be good. Call me if there’s anything.”
“Tyler?”
“Yeah?”
I hear Mandy sighing and taking a breath, “You know she won’t forgive us if she finds out, right?”
“That’s a chance I’m willing to take. Thanks again. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Ok, goodbye.”
Maybe Mandy is right and this plan isn’t going to go well. I can’t sit back here in California and not do anything. She’s too talented and smart to be locked away. Maybe she won’t forgive me and maybe she will. Life is about taking chances and this is a chance I’m willing to take. One day she’ll see it from my perspective and everything will be okay.
Being away from her scares the hell out of me. To love someone as much as I love Bayleigh is intense. My love for her has the power to wreck me if I ever fully lose her. I want the type of love that’ll last forever and with her, I know it’s forever. It’s something I believe in with my whole heart and is what I’ve been holding onto. I want her to listen to me and understand why I do the things I do. She’s my world and when you love someone as much as I love her, you’ll do anything to keep them safe and happy. No risk is too great when it comes to a forever love.
There’s a knock on my door at the hotel. I get up from bed and walk over to open it. When I do, I see Serena holding bags of food and a bottle of wine.
“Well, well. I knew I needed to come here and feed you. You look like a mess,” she laughs and comes in, putting the food and wine on the table and getting comfortable.
Serena’s been my friend since I came to California. She’s one of the only girls I trust to be here with me because I know she’s not a vulture like the other girls I work with. There have been rumors going around about us. I ignore the useless office gossip and enjoy the time I have with my good friend.
“I was going to order room service, you know,” I tell her, taking a seat on the couch and grabbing the container of sushi. “Thank you, though. I needed this.”
“I know. So, how’s Bayleigh doing?”
I shrug, “She’s okay. We sort of hooked up and she had a meltdown.” I explain what happened on my last night and what I planned with Mandy. She listens with wide eyes and a shocked expression.
“I’m not the type of guy who’ll stand around and wait. I need to take action. I need her to see where I’m coming from. She’s so damn stubborn and proud sometimes. I get that she’s in pain and she needs to find her way, but fuck, where do I fit?”
“You’re being selfish, Tyler. All I hear is what you want and what you need. Stop and think about Bayleigh and not yourself.”
Hearing her say I’m selfish leaves me defeated. My nerves are all over the place and my heart is sitting on the table, open for all to see the broken pieces. I’m left feeling raw and angry. The panic rises from inside me. Setting down the container of food, I walk to the window, placing a hand on the glass and looking down. A weird feeling comes over me.
“And that’s why I left and I’m giving her the space she needs. We’re talking more than I thought and it’s actually really good.” I take out my phone and pass it to her. “Go ahead and see.” She opens my message app and reads the messages between Bayleigh and I. “So I’m doing everything I can. I guess I’m scared she’ll get used to the friendship and put me in the friend zone. Do I have a right to think that’ll happen?” I softly mutter.
“I don’t know. To be honest, I think you coming back is a good thing. She needs to learn how to miss you again. Especially if she’s getting better. It takes time.”
“I get it.”
“Can’t rush something you want to last forever,” she tells me and pours us another glass of wine.
As much as I love her and want her, I can’t force this to happen. Forever love means having patience and believing. I hate myself for pushing her. I’m heartless and I don’t deserve her, but she’s the air I breathe and the reason for life making sense. I have to keep myself busy and focus on our future. It’s the only way.
The night goes on and soon it’s morning. Turning over on my side, I look at the empty spot next to me. I wonder what she’s doing and how she’s feeling. I wonder the same questions a thousand times and receive no answer. Normally, I would text her good morning or have a good day. Not today. The ball is in her court and I’m going to go with it. She’s made it clear she loves me and needs time. Whatever happened while I was home is gone and this is the start of a new beginning. I have to focus on my job and she has to focus on getting better.