“Care to explain why you’re back?” The thing about Ryan is he’s always up to something and I know his reason for being back isn’t going to make me happy.
“Ready?”
“For?” He leans close to me and looks at my lips. I’m paralyzed. What the hell is he doing? “For what?”
“Let’s get lunch. I’m starving for sushi.”
“I don’t want to get sushi!” I scream and plop on my bed, crossing my arms. I know throwing a tantrum isn’t cute.
“Well, I’m hungry so you can sit there and pout like a child, or come get delicious sushi with me.” He kneels in front of me, brushing his hands down my legs. “What do you say?”
“I want answers, Ryan.”
He taps the tip of my nose, “Soon, sweetheart. Now, about that sushi?” The cockiness oozes out of him, and a smirk plays on his face again. “Get your ass up, Bayleigh Renee. I’m starving.”
“You have issues.”
We make it out of my house and I’m stunned to see the car in front of me. Growing up this was his dream car and he worked so hard for it. I wasn’t sure if he would even be able to get it. This sexy beast is amazing. A 1975 Camaro and it’s all shiny and pretty.
“Macy’s my world. I never let anyone touch her or ride in her, so consider yourself lucky.”
“Oh I do.” I laugh and I’m not sure where all of this is coming from. It’s a little confusing and hard to understand. I take a moment and sit down, thinking about the encounter from the moment I saw him until now.
I feel Ryan’s stare and I don’t get nervous or panic. This is really starting to bother me. Something about him is pulling me in. He’s a puzzle that I want to put together. I want to know why I feel okay around him and why I’m not a hot mess right now.
“Are you going to tell me why you’re back?”
“I don’t think I need a reason,” he answers, starting the car and heading to the sushi place we’ve been to thousands of times. “I’ve been gone for a while. I miss my mom and Tyler.”
“Oh.” I’m sure he forgot to add me. I guess he didn’t think about me when he was gone. Sure, I’m a little hurt he never contacted me after the rape and didn’t ask if I was okay. I mean, I’m just his best friend, so whatever.
His hand rests on my knee, “I missed you too, Bayleigh. Just because I never called or anything doesn’t mean I didn’t ask about you. My mom kept me updated.”
“Then why didn’t you ever call me?”
He sighs and stares at the road, focusing on driving and not on my questions. “I’ll tell you when it’s time. For right now, I want to enjoy my time with my best friend. We have a lot to catch up on.”
The rest of the car ride is quiet as he drives the few minutes it takes to get to the restaurant. We walk in and are immediately seated in a booth. Putting in our drink orders and a few appetizers, we look through the menu and mark down what we want on a slip of paper.
“So, tell me where you’ve been.”
“Pretty much everywhere. I went backpacking through Europe and celebrated New Years in Hong Kong. Then stayed with friends in Colorado. Went to Vegas and now I’m here.”
My eyes widen, “Wow, that’s cool. You seem different.”
“If you’re trying to tell me I’m hotter,” he leans in and winks, “I already know.”
Rolling my eyes, I shake my head and listen to him talk about his adventures. I’ve known Ryan my whole life and there’s something he’s keeping from me. I take a sip of the hot green tea and lean back in the booth. Part of me hates him for abandoning me. While the other part is throwing up her arms and celebrating because he’s back. Things with Ryan have always been easy and comfortable. He challenges me and never lets me fall, except after I came to, he was nowhere to be found. He left a letter saying he needed to get out town and away for a while. That was the last time I heard from him.
“Why did you leave, Ryan? I mean, did you even come see me when I was unconscious in the hospital?” He looks down and drinks his tea. “Really? You can’t answer.”
“Listen,” he says, gripping the tea cup. “I’m back and I’m sorry for leaving without saying anything. The memory from that night kills me. Hearing someone hurt you and left you for dead fucked with my head, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I didn’t want the image of you hurt and in a hospital bed to stay with me.” He reaches over and touches my face. “This is the face I always want to remember.”
“You left me.”
“I know and I’m sorry. I couldn’t deal with the guilt.”
“It’s not your fault . . .”
“It is and will always be my fault,” he cuts me off. “I was supposed to be with you and I was supposed to make sure nothing happened. But my dick was more important. You were so close to the apartment. I didn’t know something would happen,” he stops talking and looks down. I see his hands trembling, so I grab them and rub my thumb on his hands. “When I got the call from Tyler, I had to leave. Hearing his voice yelling at me, telling me I was worthless and what happened to you. I had to go. Everyone’s better off without me.”
“Not me,” I tell him. “I needed you and still do. Things happened when you were gone.”
“Yeah I know,” he whispers, “I’m sorry you and Tyler aren’t together. Are you okay?”
“No,” I honestly tell him, “I don’t want to let him go, but I had to. When I’m ready to be with him, we’ll be together again, I hope.”
“You will be. I have no doubt.”
After we’re done eating, Ryan and I get into his car and he drives back home. The car ride is quiet and I’m not sure what to say. There is so much going on in my head. How can I forgive Ryan for leaving?
When he pulls into his driveway, I hurry out and rush to my house. Before I reach the porch stairs, Ryan grabs me and pulls me to his body. He holds me tight, gripping my hair with one hand and holding me with his other.
“Don’t be mad. Please don’t hate me,” he whispers, “please. There’s a reason why I left. There’s so much I need to tell you. For now, I need you to understand I miss you and now I’m back. That’s all I can tell you right now.”
Panic sets in. Chills run down my body. I’m not sure why I need to hold him tighter. This isn’t the Ryan I know. He’s tougher and bit of a badass. Why is he getting emotional?
“Don’t be mad, please?”
“Okay,” I answer, resting my head against his chest, “I’m not mad.”
“Good, because I’m back now and whatever you need, I’m here. I know you’re going through a lot and things are confusing. Just trust me right now.” I look at him, and stare into his eyes. I’m looking for truth and something that will tell me he’s not going to up and leave again. “I want us to spend time together. To get to know each other again. We aren’t the same people we used to be.”
He has no idea what he’s saying and how it’s affecting me. The words sink in and spark something inside. Between getting a job and getting back my best friend, the weight and stress on my chest slowly disappears. Everything happens for a reason and even though my life was thrown offbeat, things are starting to be put back in place.He touches my face with his smooth hand and smiles. “Friends?”
“Friends,” I answer back. Deep down I’m happy he didn’t turn away. If I can be completely honest, I think I’m making a good decision.
Later that night, after dinner with my parents, I head back upstairs to my room and write in my journal.
Do you ever wonder why people come into your life? So Ryan’s back and I don’t know what to feel or think. There’s something different about him. He’s holding something from me and I think it’s something big. He’s been gone for so long and there’s really no reason why he should be here.
Or is there?