“Let go,” I laugh and nudge myself away from him. “I have to get ready for work.”
“You can be late,” he tells me and it takes all my strength to get out of his death grip. “You know,” he opens his eyes, “I can get used to this whole waking up next to my best friend.”
I roll my eyes and grab my clothes for today, “I’m sure you can. Okay, now go bye bye.”
He blows me a kiss and winks at me before leaving my room.
I look at my phone. It’s been a week since Ryan’s convenient return and we haven’t talked. Taking the glass of whiskey, I down it and look at the message again before pressing send.
Me: We need to talk
Ryan: I guess we do
Me: Why are you back?
Ryan: Done traveling . . . Need to make things right with you and Bayleigh. Lots of shit happened to me when I was gone. Don’t want any regrets
I roll my eyes. My brother has always been the reckless and irresponsible one. He has a wild side and with me not there, I don’t know what he has planned for Bayleigh.
Me: I get it. Don’t involve Bay in your crazy shit
Ryan: Or maybe that’s what she needs
Me: WTF are you talking about
Ryan: She’s been protected and pampered her whole damn life. Can’t always save her
Me: When it comes to Bayleigh, I will always protect her. Don’t fuck up anything
Ryan: Wouldn’t dream of it, brother
Only ten more days here and then I’m back home. Nothing will happen. The lurking fear takes over. I’ve never trusted my brother and now here I am, thousands of miles away, and there’s nothing I can do.
I let out a frustrated sigh and reread the reports again. My eyes are blurry and I need to head home to sleep off this stress.
“Hey,” I look up and see Serena walking into my office with take out in her hands. “Thought you’d like this.”
“Thanks,” I mutter and go back to work. “Sorry, I need to get these done.”
“I know,” she says, handing me food and water. I look at her with a smile and dig in. “You’ve been moody. Everything okay?”
“My twin brother’s back in town,” I reply, and take a few bites of the rice and chicken. “And Brian’s working me pretty hard.”
“Why are you stressed out about your brother?”
“Because he’s never up to anything good. Bayleigh always sees the good in him and never listens when I tell her to be careful.” I stand up and look out my office window. I know Ryan and I know his feelings for her. “He loves her too,” I quietly tell her.
“But she picked you.”
“I know.”
I can lie to myself and say Bayleigh doesn’t have feelings for Ryan. The problem with that is, I know she does. She’s always loved me and put me above everyone else. I know we’ll be together again. She and Ryan have a special connection I’ve never understood. She gets him and he lets her in. When they’re together there are no games or manipulation like he’s used to doing. When he left town, I was relieved. As much as I hate him, he’s still my brother and that’ll never change.
I’m not stupid enough to think he’s a better person. Having Ryan back is an eye opener. When it comes to Bayleigh, I’m not tough or smart. I do dumb shit and push her. This time I have to rethink what I do and say to her.
I can’t lose her.
We finish work a little later than usual. Heading to my hotel room I do my best to get rest. Changing out of my suit and into sweat pants I slide under the covers, feeling the cool sheets against my skin, grabbing a pillow and hugging it against my bare chest. I look at the clock staring at back at me. The red numbers don’t move. I stare until the minute changes. After five minutes my eyes get heavy. When I close my eyes I see her and feel her hands on my face. I feel the weight of her body against mine. My heart slows and every muscle in my body relaxes. Missing her as much as I do scares me.
Fighting the thoughts in my head I roll over on my side and wake up. A few hours pass and I know I won’t be getting any more sleep right now. Throwing on shorts and a shirt I put on my sneakers and make my way to the gym in the hotel and get on the treadmill. Putting in my earbuds and setting the speed to seven, I flush out the outside noise, focus on myself and my music. My feet beat against the treadmill in a constant rhythm. It’s only me in the gym, just the way I want it to be.
Thinking about them together, hanging out, is driving me crazy. My mood is all over the place. I can’t focus on anything. Time needs to go faster so I can get back to Rochester and Bayleigh. The hollowness in my chest and the empty, off, feeling in the pit of my stomach hits me full force.
Finishing my run, I lift some weights to release my anger and frustration. Luckily I’m the only one here, because no one wants to be near me right now. After a few sets, I grab a towel from the rack and go back to my room. It’s pretty late when I get back and I can’t sleep. Jumping in the shower, I let the water relax my muscles. My head is against the shower wall. All I can think about is her with my fucking brother.
Stepping out of the shower, I put on my sweatpants and white tee when I hear a knock on the door. Opening the door, I see Anna standing before me with her hair tied in a loose bun wearing yoga pants and a tank.
“Hi,” I say, not sure how I sound. I wonder what she’s doing here and what’s going on. “Come in.”
“Sorry for barging in,” she stops to say as she walks in and makes her way to the couch. When she sits down, I notice her leg bouncing and I’m not sure what’s going on or what she has to say. “I’m sorry.”
“For?”
“Everything,” she looks up and gazes at me, “everything,” she repeats. “I know you think I’m a slut or whatever and I know you’re in love with Bayleigh.”
“Anna, I’m not sure where this is going.”
“I’m not sure either. I hate that you can’t talk to me and being around me makes you sick.”
Instead of sitting next to her, I walk to the desk and lean on the edge. She sounds sincere and I feel bad for the way I treated her. “I get it. But you have to accept I’m not available. I know last year was confusing and I led you on. I’m sorry for that.”
“I want to be friends,” she explains, “really I do. I miss our talks.”
“Yeah,” I agree, “but you can’t talk about wanting more or needing me. I’ll be your friend and that’s all I can give you.”
Anna stands up and walks to me, placing her hand on mine. “She’s lucky, you know. I hope she knows how lucky she is to have you.”
“Thanks,” and I mean it.
“Okay well, I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks for listening.” I nod my head and watch her leave the room.
Taking out my phone, I send Bayleigh a text.
Me: Sweet dreams
It’s simple and to the point. I don’t want to be romantic or sweet with her. She has to know I can be friends for now. Just hope she can be ready soon and not fall for him.
The next few days are a blur. Anna and I are working on a project and to my surprise, she’s acting like my friend and not someone who wants to have sex with me. It’s easy to work with her when she’s not eye fucking me.
Watching her study the report, she leans over and lies on her stomach while I sit at my desk on the computer.
“Why are you in that position?”
“I think better this way,” she responds. “So, can we take a break?”
Looking up from my computer, I stare at the stacks of binders on my desk. As much as I love working and meeting deadlines, these trainings and presentations are kicking my ass. A break sounds great, but so does this promotion that can open doors for me and for Bayleigh.