“We have to finish,” I urge Anna, turning back to the computer and grabbing another binder.
“No,” she tells me, “we’re going on a walk and clearing our heads. If I’m seeing double, then you’re seeing triple. Come on,” she whines and it’s getting on my nerves.
“Fine.” Getting up from my desk, we head outside and for once, I have to say Anna has a point. Walking to the park across the street, I breathe in the California air and let it back out.
“See, I told you this was needed. You feel better, huh?”
“A little.” I hate agreeing with her. “You were right.”
“Why, thank you,” she smiles and we keep walking. “Are you excited to go back home soon?”
“I am. Nervous though,” I laugh, “with my brother back and Bayleigh still not telling me what’s on her mind, I’m not sure what I’m walking back into.”
I’ve been talking to Anna about Bayleigh and Ryan. She listens and doesn’t offer too much advice. Between talking to her and Serena, I feel a little better every day, but it doesn’t take away from the odd ache I feel deep inside. When I go back home, things aren’t going to be the same and I’m not sure if I’m ready for it.
“So that’s all you have to do,” Damon explains to me, pulling out a chair in the conference office. “Any questions?”
I look up and glance at the notes I wrote during our meeting. “I don’t think so, Damon. It’s pretty easy.” I relax and set down my notepad. “Everything’s been going really well. I’m so happy to be here.”
“I am glad you are here too,” he points at me and laughs. “You have this energy about you, Bayleigh. It’s rare.”
“Energy?”
“Yep. Energy. When you’re around, people feel safe and they feel good. Me? I feel incredible. Keep up with that energy and whatever you need, let me know.” He pats my shoulder and I follow him out.
I think about his energy statement and it makes me feel better. The work day goes by pretty fast and Damon’s been keeping me busy with scheduling and cancelling appointments, reviewing his notes and pretty much anything he needs.
“What’s with the face?” Mandy plops down on the chair and crosses her legs. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just keeping busy. Some of these notes aren’t making sense. So I’m going over it before asking Damon what I wrote,” I laugh and put away my file. “So, are you ready to fess up?”
“No.” She sits down and crosses her legs. “Nothing to report. I’m not interesting at this moment. You are.”
“Not talking about it Mandy.”
“Oh come on!”
For the past few days, I’ve been with Ryan. We’re hanging out at the lake or going out to dinner. Things are interesting and I’m not sure how to put all my thoughts and feelings together. He still hasn’t told me the reason for his unexpected return and I haven’t asked. Instead of having nightmares about Tony, I’m dreaming about Ryan in ways that aren’t good. In my dreams, he’s kissing me and telling me how much he loves me.
“I can see right through you,” Mandy states. “Are you falling for him?” I shrug. I really shouldn’t be. It’s been Tyler and it’ll always be Tyler.
“Happy hour starts in ten minutes.” Mandy points at her watch and gives me a wink before leaving my office. “And don’t think I’m letting this go either.”
Happy hour.
Drinks.
Bar.
People.
I feel my heart beating and my breathing hitting overdrive. I’ll be with Mandy and it’ll be fine. I’m a grown woman and there’s nothing to be afraid of.
We get to Black and Blue and Mandy orders us a dirty martini. I sit outside on the patio, and take out my phone. I haven’t texted Tyler yet. I look at his last message from early this morning and wonder why he was up.
Me: Happy hour right now for me . . . How’s work?
Ty: Busy as hell. How are you? We haven’t talked
Me: I know and I’m sorry . . . Been busy at work, working out, hanging out with Mandy and Ryan
Ty: Sounds fun. Are you hanging out with Mandy and Ryan or hanging out with them separately
I cringe with his question. I’ve never lied to him and I don’t want to now. The topic of Ryan with Tyler is hard because of their fight and hate for one another. Every time I bring up Tyler to Ryan, he shuts down and doesn’t want to talk. I’ve never understood their fight and no one ever wants to explain it to me.
Me: Separately . . . Don’t be mad
Ty: Ok
And he’s mad. Great.
“Here ya go, girly!” Mandy says, sitting down and handing my drink to me. “Cheers to figuring life out.” We clink glasses and I take a sip. The alcohol feels good sliding down my throat. It’s been a while since I’ve had a drink. Drinking makes me lose control and I don’t like that feeling. I always have to be in control.
“What a beautiful day out,” I say, looking around again, putting on my sunglasses. Even though Rochester has the wackiest weather, today isn’t bad. “What’s going on with you?”
“Oh you know,” her voice trails off and she takes a drink. “Loving Damon and trying to get him to commit to me. He says he’s giving me everything he can and I can either take it or leave it. For now, I’m taking it.” Her eyes look away from mine.
“Why won’t he commit?”
“I don’t know to be honest. He mentioned an ex and I think she fucked with his head and now he’s scared of any sort of commitment, so he busies himself with work and at night and on weekends, that’s our time.”
“So, what exactly are you guys?”
“I don’t know. He doesn’t want to label it.”
I reach out for Mandy’s hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. “I’m sorry you’re confused. I wish I had advice. But if you want my opinion, I think he likes you more than he’s letting on. I saw the way he looked at you, girl. He’s totally falling for you.”
“I hope so. I mean, it’s been a year,” her voice trails off again and she finishes her drink.
“A year?”
“Sorry! I’m not even supposed to talk about it. I need to though, because my head is so fucked up. Like, I don’t know what to do. I want more and he won’t give me more.”
“Then talk to him,” I tell her, “tell him how you’re feeling.”
“Not that easy,” she sadly responds, “I’ll deal. Okay, enough about Damon. Tell me about the Scott boys.”
“Oh you know, I have a jealous ex in Cali and a mysterious best friend who is back in town and won’t tell me anything, so yeah there’s that.”
“How does it feel to have Ryan back?” She sips on her second drink and lets me think. Honestly, the question is making me wonder. I’m not sure how I really feel. “Are you happy? Mad?”
“I mean,” I drink my martini and lean back in the chair. “Okay, so Ryan has been my best friend since we were little. You know how they are. And you know how I am with him. Remember how I told you I met Tyler first and that means something. Sure they’re identical and all, but I knew it was Tyler. It’s always been Tyler. There’s nothing to feel for Ryan, yet there is. Yes, I am happy he’s here. A part of me wonders why, though. He’s been gone for two years. But I’ve been dreaming about him. It’s so weird.”
Mandy sighs, “I saw him the other night.”
“What?”
“Yeah, we had dinner. You know, catching up and all that. He texted me and wanted to talk.”
A pang of slight jealousy hits. I didn’t know they had dinner. He told me the other night he was going out with his mom. Why would he lie?
“So how was it?” She looks down and I know that look. “Mandy?”