“Nothing,” I answer. “Just feeling a little tired.”
“Lies,” he responds and walks to me. “Whatever it is, you’ll be okay. I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise,” he tells me, rubbing my shoulders. “Come on.” We head out of my house and to his car.
Ryan opens the door for me and as soon as he gets in he starts the car and drives. I still don’t know where we’re going. For some reason, I’m not uncomfortable either. I trust Ryan and trust is so hard to earn these days. He has no idea what he’s doing for me and I don’t want to tell him, either.
His hand grazes mine, causing a bit of a shock to me. I don’t pull away. “Can you give me a hint?”
“We’ll be there soon.” I see a hint of a smile on his face. “And by the way, you look beautiful.”
Instantly, I blush. The only person who has ever called me beautiful is Tyler. My heart aches thinking about him. He hasn’t texted me back and I know he’s upset with me for hanging out with Ryan. Glad he’s not here to see it now. I pull out my phone and send him a text message.
Me: Good morning!
“Where’s your head at?” Ryan asks.
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“Liar.” He’s not buying it.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Just then, Ryan pulls the car to the side of the road and puts the car in park. He turns to look at me. “What?” I ask.
“I think we need to come up with a plan.”
I sigh, “What plan?”
“In order for this friendship to work, we need to be able to be honest with one another and not keep secrets. Don’t be like those other girls and say nothing, when you really mean something. I hate guessing. Plus, I’m a guy and the language of women is so confusing. I know when you say nothing, something is wrong.”
“Thought you said our language is confusing.”
“It is,” he laughs, “so let’s try again. Where. Is. Your. Head. At?”
I roll my eyes, “Tyler and I are weird right now. I wish the both of you would talk and not let your fight get in the way of being brothers. It makes me feel guilty that I’m here hanging out with you when he’s asked me to come out to California multiple times and it doesn’t help that he comes back next week and I haven’t figured anything out.”
“I see. Well, do you still love him?”
I nod. “Forever. I only broke up with him because I didn’t want to hold him back. The rape changed me. I’m not the same girl that I was. I have bad nightmares. He treats me like a child, like a project that he needs to fix. I get it, but I think we needed space and time apart.”
“What you and Tyler have is special.” Ryan whispers, “It’s not something you can always find. My brother loves you and the both of you belong together.”
“I know he does and I love him too.”
“Do you know how hard it is to be back here?” I shake my head and listen. “It’s one of the hardest things I have to do because I know what I need to do.” He takes my hand and places our hands on his lap. “I will always choose you. Before, I didn’t care about anything or anyone. It’s my nature to hurt people and leave a path of destruction. Tyler’s the better brother and I’m the demon spawn.”
I glance up and see his pale face looking down. His hand is still on mine and I’m not sure what else he wants to say. I’m afraid to respond. I have no words. Ryan’s always been the different one. He’s a puzzle I can never put together. With me, he was sweet and sincere. I saw his destructive nature and how he treated people. Never me though.
“Why did you leave me?”
“Do you really want to do this now?”
I breathe in a breath. “Yes.”
“Because you deserve better.” I squeeze my eyes shut, shaking my head and feeling his grip get tighter. “You didn’t need me and I couldn’t stick around. The thing is,” he pauses and looks away then back to me, “I love you.”
“What?”
Ryan’s hand comes to my face. He gently touches it, tracing a line from my cheek to my lips. “Your lips are soft,” he whispers, “we should get going.”
“Not until you explain what you just said.”
“That I love you and I’ll always choose you. There’s nothing to talk about. You and my brother need to be together and you need to be happy.”
It takes me a minute to register everything he just admitted to me. What the hell am I supposed to do with this information? Getting out of the car, I put my hands on my head and let out a groan. I hear a car door close.
“Why did you tell me this?” I scream, not able to look at him.
“Because I needed to and now you know.”
“What the fuck do you want?”
“Nothing.” I turn around and see him leaning against his car with his arms crossed, “I want nothing. Just for you to be happy.”
“This is so wrong. I mean, you can’t just tell me you love me and you’ll always pick me and then think it’ll be okay. You’re confusing me and I don’t want to be confused. My life is supposed to be with Tyler.”
“Then be with Tyler. It’s not hard to figure out, Bayleigh.”
Part of me wants to tell him about the mixed feelings. Something’s stopping me and before I can talk, my phone vibrates in my pocket. It’s a text message from Tyler. I can’t bring myself to open it when I’m standing here arguing with Ryan.
“You don’t drop a bomb on someone and then expect them to be okay. How do you expect me to react?”
“Like nothing. I told you what I told you and now you have to be okay with it. I don’t expect anything. Now can we go please? After, we can talk more about it.”
I want to argue more and fight. There are so many questions circling my head and nothing is sitting right with me. Instead of saying anything else, I get back in the car and close the door. Ryan follows and starts the car, continuing down the road. My heart drops when we make it to the place he wants to take me. I see a helicopter and suddenly I can’t feel my feet.
“No. Nope. No.”
“Come on, Bayleigh. Conquer your fears.”
“Take me to the damn zoo or through a haunted house. Hell, lock me in a closet. I am not going on that death trap. Do you want me to die?”
“Come on, silly girl.” He gets out of the car and walks to my side. I am holding onto the door for dear life so I don’t have to go up in that thing. When Ryan opens the door, he quickly unbuckles me and pulls me out. I’m holding onto the seat, refusing to leave. “If you don’t let go, I’ll tickle you.”
“You wouldn’t.” He cocks his brow and his hands find my sides and tickle me. Holy shit, he’s tickling me and touching me and I’m really turned on.
“Life is about taking chances. Here’s your chance to do something you’ve never done before, Bayleigh.” Ryan lets go and holds his hand out to me. I let out a sigh and look at him. He’s right. Life is about taking chances, but I’d like to take baby steps first.
“Are you sure we’ll be safe?”
“Yes. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“Okay.” Getting out of the car, I place my hand in his and we walk to the helicopter. I say a silent prayer.
Our pilot, Zion, helps us in and buckles us inside, while going over what he’s going to do and how safe we are up here. Yes, because being thousands of feet off the ground is so safe. I roll my eyes and feel Ryan’s hand on my knee. When I look at him, I see his eyes on me.
“Don’t be afraid. Remember, I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“Okay.”
The corners of his mouth turn up and he stares at me when Zion gets into his seat and takes off. I like how he pushes me. It’s nice not to be coddled.
“Are you going to stare at me the whole time?”
“I like to look at beautiful things,” he tells me. “You look really nice today.”
I blush, “Thank you.”
“You know,” he starts to say, “I like making you smile.”
“Why?”
“Because when you smile, there’s a slight sparkle to your brown eyes. It’s like watching the sun set. The colors are beautiful, just like your eyes dancing when you’re happy. It’s nice to see that.”