But I’m stuck in the office with Anna.
It doesn’t take long before she realizes I’m not going to touch her or do anything with her along those lines. She’s been giving me looks all night. We’re both working late to finalize the presentation and all she’s doing is lifting her skirt higher and pushing her boobs in my face. To any other guy, sure they’d want her. She’s hot and completely fuckable.
Not what I want.
“If you’re not going to help me, then you can leave. Stop trying to get me. It’s not going to work.”
“I want to take your mind off things. I’m not looking for a relationship. You know this.”
I put up my hand, “First you want one and it’s not going to happen. We talked about this. You told me you wanted to be friends. I don’t understand how much clearer I can be. What do you want? Anna, I’m trying here. I don’t know what else I have to say to you. You are a friend, but soon you’re not going to be anything if you keep this up.”
Anna crosses her arms and sits down on the floor, “I know and I remember everything I said to you, but you’ve been so sad lately. It’s like I don’t know who you are anymore. You’re not the same.”
I roll my eyes, “I have a lot on my mind and no, I don’t want to talk about those issues with you.”
“I know you and Bayleigh are having issues” she starts to say, “I mean, we all know you love her and want to be with her and she’s treating you like you’re nothing. So, why do you put up with it?”
“Because that’s what you do when you’re in love. You fight and you wait. You pray that everything will be okay and she’ll come back. You never let go of love completely.”
I stop what I’m doing and pick up the bottle of water next to my leg. Holding it in my hand I take a few gulps, look down and put the bottle back next to me. “It’s complicated. A few years ago something happened and it changed our lives. She’s trying to get her life in order and keeps pushing me away because she thinks I deserve better.”
“Well, what do you think?”
“I think that she needs space and that’s fine. But I need to know what else is going through her head. We don’t talk about anything anymore. I don’t want to hound her, because apparently I do. That’s the thing,” I pause, “I love her so much that it clouds my mind. Nothing makes sense without her. Everything is Bayleigh. I’m turning into a pussy.”
“No you aren’t,” she calmly responds, “don’t be so hard on yourself. It sucks now because love is never supposed to be easy. If you want to be with her and you think your love is strong enough then take a chance. You never know what’ll happen.”
Taking a deep breath, I finish my water and nod my head. “Thanks Anna. We need to finish this.”
After the presentation and work, I head back to the hotel and pack my things. I’m finishing the rest of the project in Rochester and need to get shit figured out. I never should have left her or taken this promotion until she was able to come with me. Everything I do, I’m doing it for her.
Confirming my flight, I head downstairs and get in the taxi. Going through security at LAX is surprisingly fast. I think about telling her I’m on my way home, but I don’t. I need to catch her off guard.
The flight is fast and I don’t have time to think of a plan. Everything’s jumbled in my head. All I can focus on is seeing her and hearing her voice. Talking to her on the phone isn’t enough. If she can see me and hear me out for a few minutes, I’ll feel better.
Pulling up to her house in the rental, I stop and look to see her sitting on the swing. She’s laughing, smiling and there’s something different about her. She seems lighter and happier. My eyes go to the person next to her.
Ryan.
Their eyes are on each other and she’s hanging onto his every word. Physical pain I can’t describe burns in my chest. I close my eyes, ignoring the pain inside me. As much as I want to get out of the car and beg her to listen, I know I’ll end up the loser in this game. It never occurred to me this is where we’d be; that after eighteen years of friendship and our whole lives being in love, that this is where our lives would take us. She doesn’t care anymore. I’m the only one in love when it comes to her and me.
I look back and see her in his arms. She’s laughing so hard I think she’s going to end up on the ground. I never could make her laugh like that or smile. Whenever we were together, it felt forced. It’s all making sense now.
I wait a little bit longer before leaving the car to talk to her. When he leaves, I take a few breaths and walk up the porch to ring her doorbell.
“Ryan, what’d you forget?” I hear her ask. My eyes are on the swing and all I can see is her and I, holding hands, laughing and talking about the future. Now the swing’s tainted. “Tyler?”
I lift my head and force a smile. “Hi.”
“What are you doing here?” she asks, opening the door to let me in. “Oh my gosh, did you just get here?”
“Been here for a while. I ah, was in the car. Didn’t want to bother you.”
“What do you mean?”
So many emotions are building inside of me. I don’t know how to remain calm and not appear jealous. When I left for California, I didn’t think I had anything to worry about. Now with my brother back, something is off and I need to figure this out before I lose my shit.
“You seemed busy. How is my brother doing?”
“Ryan’s fine,” she eyes me, “why don’t you go talk to him?” Bayleigh busies herself in the kitchen, getting me a glass and filling it with lemonade. “I mean, we can talk later. We have a lot to talk about.”
“Yeah, of course we do and that’s why I’m here.” I stop talking and really look at her. She’s different. There’s something light and happy about her. She’s not sad or holding walls up and all it took was for Ryan to come back. “I have to leave tomorrow night, so I hope you have time to talk to me and hang out.”
“Of course.” She takes my hand and we head outside to her deck. I watch her sit down and cross her legs. The sun is out and it’s shining down on her. Damn, she’s so fucking beautiful. “I know this is hard for you to understand and I’m sorry I’m so confused. Both of you have been my best friends since we were little. I love you Tyler, and I love Ryan.”
“Do you love Ryan like you love me?” I ask, gripping the glass of lemonade in my hand. “The truth please.”
“Real talk,” she starts to say, “my love for Ryan is deep, but it doesn’t measure up to yours. The only thing is, Ryan’s not hovering over me like you did. I’m not a project to him.”
“Are we really back to that? He wasn’t around when you were hurt and depressed. He didn’t have to see everything I fucking did, so explain to me how you can breathe around him.” She doesn’t say anything and it’s causing me to lose control. “If you don’t’ say anything Bay, I’m out of here. I need you to open your mouth and talk to me.” I get up and stand before her, pulling her up from the seat. “I know I told you the that ball is in your court and that’s true, it is, but I didn’t think I would have competition.”
“You don’t.”
“I do,” I quietly tell her, feeling the softness of her skin on mine. “I do and it’s killing me. I should walk away and let you go. The thing is, I can’t and I won’t. So, say something and talk to me before I lose my mind.”
“I love you, Tyler. You’re my forever, but honestly there’s something going on with Ryan and I want to spend time with him. Yes, he was gone for two years and you had to endure my pain. He’s back now and he’s making things right. Can you understand where I’m coming from and accept it?”