As soon as I felt that, I stiffened, because I’d felt this sensation before, at the shelter. I didn’t need omens or signs to understand what it meant.
As we crossed the room, I studied Desiree. Her pupils were dilated, her jaw slack, her eyelids listing, as if struggling to stay awake.
Ricky hadn’t threatened her. He’d given her drugs.
My gut tightened, and I glanced at Gabriel. His gaze flitted across Desiree and the look he gave was satisfaction mixed with contempt. He knew. Of course he did. He’d set it up.
We’d known Desiree was a recovering addict. After Gray ran and we showed up, she’d been scared and anxious and alone. Vulnerable. When Gabriel saw that, he’d known exactly how to get her to talk. That’s what Ricky meant about telling her he’d come back—he’d given her a hit and promised another if she cooperated.
We’d given drugs to a recovering addict.
I’d just given Gabriel shit for suggesting I was enjoying this walk on the wild side, like a drunken college girl stumbling into a filthy tattoo parlor and letting dirty needles decorate her body with the Chinese symbol for whore. The truth was that I’d been riding a roller coaster of anxiety and adrenaline since Dr. Escoda’s call that morning.
And now this.
I sat there, feeling sick and shocked and angry, most of all furious with myself for being such a fool, such a damned fool.
This wasn’t a game. It was serious and ugly and I wanted nothing to do with it. And yet, in wanting nothing to do with it, I was a hypocrite. I’d followed Gabriel this far because he got me what I wanted. Now he was, once again, delivering. Was I going to sail out on a wave of righteous indignation?
What would I do to prove that my parents—yes, my parents—did not kill anyone?
How far would I go?
Everything in me screamed against this. Yet the deeds had been done, the body hidden, the drugs given, the witness ready to talk. Leaving smacked of hypocrisy and empty self-righteousness. So I stayed.
“That guy says you aren’t one of them,” Desiree began. “He said you can help if they come for me.”
“Yes,” Gabriel said. “But I can’t help until I understand what’s happening.”
She snorted. “I don’t even understand. It’s crazy shit Josh used to tell me when he got high, and I always figured it was just the dope talking. Then he gets a call, and he says it’s about that and I was, like, holy fuck, so he wasn’t making it up.”
“Making what up?” I asked.
“The stuff.” She waved her hands. “The crazy shit.”
As she gestured, I thought I saw a spot of red on her sleeve. A stain the size of a dime. But when I tried to find it again, I couldn’t see it.
“Let’s step back,” Gabriel said. “You were worried I was someone else. One of ‘them.’ Who?”
“The spooks.”
We both paused.
“Do you mean ghosts?” I said.
She gave me an “Are you high, chick?” look. “Spooks. You know. The men in black. The alphabet goons.”
I glanced at Gabriel.
“Federal agents,” he said. “DEA? FBI? CIA?”
“Spooks.”
“CIA?”
“That’s what I said.”
“So Joshua knows something he thinks might make the CIA come after him. Something someone else told him.”
“Right. His friend from back when they were kids. The one that got carved up. Supposedly by that couple.”
“The Larsens.”
She leaned forward. “Only it wasn’t really them. They were framed by the spooks.”
“The Larsens were framed by the CIA?” I said.
“You’re just a baby,” she said with a dismissive wave my way. “I was still a little girl, but I remember my parents talking about those murders, and I’d sneak the papers to read about them. I always knew the Larsens couldn’t have done it. They weren’t more than kids themselves, and anyone could tell they weren’t murderers. Then I met Josh, and he told me what really happened. I didn’t believe him because he’d only talk about it when he was high. I should have believed him.”
“Why did Josh think the CIA had killed Peter Evans?”
“Is that his friend’s name? I always forget.”
I had to repeat the question before she said, “Because of the secret.”
“What secret?”
“What Peter told Josh just before he died.”
I doubted Desiree Barbosa was the most articulate woman at the best of times, but this felt like circling a barbed wire fence, seeing my prize on the other side, unable to find a way in.
“And the secret that Peter told Josh about the CIA, which led to his death was…”
“About his dad.”
“Peter’s dad? What about him?”
“Peter found out his dad worked for the spooks. Least, he used to.”
“Dr. Evans worked for the CIA? Okay. What else?”
She stared blankly.
“A lot of people work for the CIA,” I said. “People don’t get killed every time someone finds out.”
“But it’s supposed to be a secret.”
“Did Peter tell Josh why his father’s old job was a secret?”
“Because he worked for the spooks.”
We circled this a few times, but according to Desiree’s worldview, it was perfectly logical that the CIA would murder Peter—and his girlfriend—simply because he’d discovered that his dad used to work for them.
“So they killed Peter and Jan and made it look like the Larsens’ work.”
She shook her head. “Those Larsen kids didn’t kill nobody. They were framed. Like I already said.”
“Because everybody the Larsens supposedly killed knew a secret about the CIA?”
Another “Are you high?” look at me. I glanced at Gabriel, but he made no move to take over, as if he knew this was the best we could manage. That’s what happened when you gave drugs to a potential source.
“Why did the CIA kill the other couples?” I said.
“’Cause that’s what spooks do. They kill people. They’re real clever, though. They know how to hide it, like murdering a whole bunch of people the same way, so it looks like a serial killer. Then they blame innocent folks.”
Gabriel cut in, thanking Desiree for her time and calling Ricky. Seemed he had enough experience with this type of thing to know we weren’t getting more out of her.
I wanted to take Desiree aside and try to change her mind. Yes, she’d stumbled, but it wasn’t too late to get back on the path. There was no sense arguing, though. Not while she was feeling good and wondering why in hell she’d ever given this up.
So I waited by the door while Gabriel stayed with her.
I hadn’t been there long when someone rapped. I opened the door with the chain engaged.
Ricky grinned through the crack. “Hey.”
I unlatched the door.
“How’d it go?” he asked as he walked in.
“She talked. Given her condition, I doubt she had much choice in the matter.”
He looked at my expression and murmured, “Shit.”
He paused, as if he should say something. I waved him into the living room.
“So, I’ll, uh, talk to you later?” he said.
When I didn’t reply, he said, “How about I get your phone …?” He trailed off as he caught my expression. “Or not.”
He got three steps away. Then he stopped. Paused. Reached into his pocket and took out a notebook with a pen hooked on the cover. He jotted something on a page and ripped it out.
“My number. I know it’ll probably go in the nearest trash can, but I’m not walking away without giving it a shot.” When I reached out, he held on to the note and met my gaze. “I’m sorry you didn’t know what was going on here. I thought you did. You should have.”