Of course times have changed, Francisco. Life is constantly changing, it is change. It has no other purpose but to change and to keep changing, the Greeks knew this and I imagine even their ancestors knew it too, you never bathe twice in the same stream, you don’t even bathe the same body, today there’s a pimple that didn’t exist yesterday, nor did this varicose vein which, for long hours, has been making its way to the surface, or this sore in my groin or on the sole of my foot, and which my hyperglycemia won’t allow to heal; they are all lying, those utopians who say that this troubled life of avarice and lust will be succeeded by a peaceful world in which we will all be brothers, and where, as in the Golden Age Don Quixote described, we will, in a spirit of fraternal love, dine on a shared meal of acorns. There is no heavenly peace possible beneath the sheltering sky, only a permanent state of war in which everyone is pitched against everyone and everything against everything. The problem is that with so much change, everything somehow ends up pretty much the same. Francisco sobbed — my life, a failure. The things you say when you’ve had a few too many. But what do you expect your life to be when you’re about to turn or have turned seventy? A failure of course. Irremediably so? Yes. Today is worse than yesterday, but better than tomorrow. Such are the diary entries of a seventy-something. Leonor Gelabert triumphed, because the only triumph is to die a timely death, or had you forgotten? Those whom the gods love die young. She got where she was through sheer hard work, she never doubted for a moment that the end justifies the means, a principle attributed to the Jesuits, but which I’m sure the ancestors of the Greeks knew about too, the means, what you have to do, the bitter pills you have to swallow, but also what you have to sacrifice, the things you have to discard, even if that involves giving them a good kick: a carpenter with too good a memory, a small red globular thing that gets flushed down the toilet, are, were, part of her purification process, stages on her ascent of the culinary and social Mount Carmel. If someone were to write a well-documented biography of her, the biographer would speak of sacrifices, of the painful decisions she had to make, her rigorous asceticism when it came to achieving perfection in the kitchen and, thanks to all those sacrifices and renunciations, her moment of plenitude. She was lucky enough to die up there on the heights, not like us egoists and cowards: even though our moment of plenitude is long since past, we stubbornly go on living, it somehow never seems a good moment to disappear, we pretend not to have reached the place where the only way is down, and then we complain about our declining health, our miserable life, our medicalized, chemically assisted survivaclass="underline" pills, serums, drainage tubes, nasal cannula, a catheter up your cock. We snivel on about it. But what did you expect? That your cock would still keep growing at seventy? That you would win a triathlon? Leonor was struck down by lightning on the very summit of the mountain, an enviable scenario, although, since, in life, things rarely go quite according to plan, her final chapter lasted far too long, chemotherapy, repellently high doses of poisons, vomiting fits, you told me all the details, her hair coming out in clumps in her hands, her nails coming away from the skin, her body covered in black marks, her tongue and the roof of her mouth broken out in sores, and she got very little joy out of that irritating rash or boil that was her son. While I’m talking to Francisco, I’m thinking to myself: the chef she had inside her was probably flushed down the toilet. Her first child proved useless, or, rather, her second child, manufactured or, rather, uterized by the factory that was, she said, her sole responsibility — I’m not telling you again: this has nothing to do with you, it’s my problem, so just leave me in peace. You don’t have to do anything or accompany me anywhere. Subject closed. But there she was at all the panel discussions about haute cuisine, at gastronomic summit meetings, not just here, but in San Sebastián, Barcelona, Copenhagen and New York. Especially after she was awarded that second Michelin star, our chef’s career really took off or, as her husband would say, rocketed. Student chefs, or those simply wanting to improve their technique, would put their names down on a waiting list years in advance just to have the chance of serving an apprenticeship with her; the children of the filthy rich and the children of parents who were in the arts or politics would try to wangle letters of introduction to get their child a job as a mere dishwasher at the restaurant, and yet, as it turned out, the Marsal-Gelabert couple’s first brat, who had all those things within his grasp from the day he was born, loathed both the profession and the world of restaurants. Millionaires were willing to pay a fortune to get their boy in, and once in, he would keep one eye on the potatoes he peeled, the onions he chopped and the trashcan he wheeled back and forth, and the other on Leonor’s amazing hands, which knew how to put the finishing touch to a plate, checking the garnish, adding a few thyme leaves, or leaving the dish under the grill just the few seconds longer it takes to achieve the perfect gratiné effect, the gastronomic miracle.
“Juanlu could have been anything he wanted, he could have been an Adrià or an Aduriz or like one of our more local chefs, a Dacosta, for example, but they all worked really hard to get where they were, and he didn’t want to work or wash dishes or peel potatoes or get blistered hands from the hot oil spitting out of the frying pan. Adrià peeled potatoes while he was doing his military service, in the barracks, not at a cookery school in Lausanne, and the rest, of course, is history. Juanlu could have been a celebrity chef, a writer of articles about wine and cookery, he could have studied at the best school in Lausanne or at the Cordon Bleu in Paris, with all the big shots in France: Besson, Robuchon, Guérard, Senderens, Trama. Leonor knew them all, and I knew them ten years before she did, when I started in the early eighties, when almost no one here had heard of them. Obviously, I wouldn’t expect you to know them, but for a gourmand, each of those names is what the Pope is for a Catholic, because gastronomy is polytheistic and doesn’t have only one God or only one Pope: cookery is, inevitably, materialistic, secular, a federal republic. They were all gods officiating in their respective temples, and they were all friends of mine and they all adored Leonor. I was offering my son a ready-made life; if he didn’t want to stay in Madrid after working in all those kitchens, he could go to Tokyo, Singapore, Hong Kong, Shanghai or Dubai and set up a restaurant in one of those up-and-coming cities if he wasn’t comfortable with more traditional locations; others have done so since, and now the dragons of the Orient enjoy the very finest cuisine, the big names are all eager to open a restaurant in one of those almond-eyed cities, because gourmet cooking goes where the money is.”
His cigarette was burning down between his fingers (he had left his cigar half-smoked in the ashtray); he was close to tears, not for his son, but for himself, because all his shady dealings would come to a full stop with him, and it’s really distressing to have done all those dubious things — well, let’s just say: the end justifies the means — in order to do others of which he was very proud, and for all of that to come to nothing, to fall into other people’s hands, to be wasted — after Leonor died, the Cristal de Maldón closed: a restaurant is its chef — he felt like crying, and I’m not sure what I felt like doing; perhaps telling him about the son who could have been born before Juanlu and who might have turned out to be a hard-working student, a skilled chef, the son who was just a little red ball that got flushed down the toilet when his wife pulled the chain in that apartment in Valencia.