Chapter 6
The sun shone a deep orange the next morning, covered by low lying thin grey clouds. I stepped out onto my porch, surprised to find Rocky curled up against the porch post, her sleepy face greeting me hesitantly. The sun had just risen an hour before and I had no idea how long she’d been waiting, but judging by the rosiness of her cheeks, she must have been sitting in the cold for a while.
“Hey, I tried calling last night.” Rocky stood up slowly, eyeing me with pity. “Um…are you okay?”
Pity. Ugh.
I shrugged nonchalantly. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I don’t know.”
“What are you doing here, anyway?”
“Checking on you.” Her mouth puckered into a pout. “You didn’t answer any of my calls. You never ignore my calls…I thought something bad happened to you.”
“I was busy.” Gripping my binder, I pressed it against my chest as if it were a shield and pushed past her. Suddenly I realized there was no way I’d be able to survive school that day, not with the thought of my dad marrying a stranger looming in my mind. I did an abrupt about face and walked toward the opposite side of the street.
“Where are you going?” Rocky demanded. Swift footsteps echoed behind me, and before long her tiny figure appeared in my periphery. Her breaths quickened, fogging the air around her.
Rolling my eyes, I pointed behind me. “Leave.”
She groaned. “Seriously, Jesse? You can’t expect to skip and not get in trouble again.”
“I’m not expecting anything.” I stopped expecting things a very long time ago.
Her eyebrow arched. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“That’s what I do best, right? Not thinking? Not giving a shit? Why should I care about what happens to me? Doesn’t seem like anybody else does.”
Her jaw tightened. “What about homecoming?”
I nearly stopped in my tracks. She was right. If I got caught, any plans of spending the night with her would be completely nixed. Oh, who was I kidding? It was never going to happen for us anyway. Why keep up with the charade? Forcing my face to remain neutral, I snapped, “I was stupid to think I could be like everybody else for one night. I never wanted to go to the dance, anyway.”
Rocky looked as if she had been punched in the gut. “Are you seriously going to be like this?”
“Like myself? Yeah.” I was too far gone to come back.
“Fine, I guess I’ll just have to make sure we won’t get caught.”
“We?” I gaped. “What makes you think you’re going with me?”
“Don’t I always?” she snapped.
I pressed my lips together for a moment and shook my head. “If you really want to help me out, then I need you to leave me alone.”
Please.
“Well, that’s not going to happen.”
Of course not.
Her arms tightened around her breasts, and despite my current state of mind I couldn’t help but admire the way they plumped against her knitted collar. Hormones and loneliness were a lethal combination.
Knowing I had lost the good fight, I sighed. “You’re right. So where do you suggest we go?”
“Wherever you want to.”
***
“Well, you’ve certainly outdone yourself.” Rocky sighed and leaned into the cement wall, which continued to vibrate from the passing cars above us. The walls of the bypass were dinged with graffiti and what looked like dried vomit, but leave it up to my tomboy best friend not to care. I cringed watching her brown ponytail press up against the brown stains. “So we’re here…now what?”
Without answering, I reached into my pocket and pulled out a half-empty pack of cigarettes. Almost robotically, I snatched one up between two fingers and grabbed the lighter from my shirt pocket.
Rocky’s nose crinkled up. “Really? That’s what you decide to do? Even gym is more appealing than sitting here watching you smoke.”
“What’s so bad about it?” I inhaled a puff of smoke, savoring the way its sharpness coated my throat.
“Uh, let’s see.” She held up her fingers and began counting off. “Lung cancer, emphysema, stained teeth, bad breath—”
“Hope you’re listing those in descending order of importance.” I chuckled.
“I’m being serious! Besides, I thought you hate it when your mom does it.”
There I was, being a hypocrite once again. I pushed away the feeling of unease and held out the box. “You want one?”
She rolled her eyes. “I’d rather be dead, and judging by your total lack of disregard, you do too.”
“Being dead seems a lot better than this lifetime,” I muttered.
“Don’t say that!” Her eyes widened in what I could only describe as fear.
“Relax.” I took another drag and allowed the corner of my lips to curl up reassuringly. “I’m not going to…well, you know.”
She nodded silently and looked down at her feet with a grimace. Her white sneakers had gotten even dirtier from our hike to the bypass, but I thought it added character to the preppy shoes. “Jesse…what are you going to do about your life? You can’t just keep doing shit like this, you know.”
“Like what?”
“Run away, do stupid crap when you’re depressed. You need to stop blaming everyone but yourself and take responsibility for your life.”
I blinked in surprise. My jaw became lax, my cigarette nearly dropping from my mouth.
“I’m sorry for the tough love…” Her voice trailed off, and she shook her head quickly. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt anymore. You can’t keep running from your troubles at home.”
My arms flailed around as I gestured at the broken bottles and abandoned soda cans at the bottom of the bridge. “This is my new home now.”
Rocky sighed and stretched out her legs, bumping into mine. It sent a familiar jolt of electricity through me. Surprisingly, I was not in the mood and shifted away. The sky was now completely overcast, conquered by what looked to be rain clouds, and what little grass peeked out from the sidewalk cracks was browning with the promise of fall. It was a dreary day to add to my already shitty mood.
I coughed a bit and took a deep breath. “You’re lucky, you know.”
“Why is that?”
I tilted my head slightly toward her and watched as she shivered. Without thinking twice, I peeled off my jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders, careful not to brush up against her again. I looked at her sadly, feeling a weird sting of nostalgia.
In another life we were probably together. I can’t wait for this one to be over too. I could finally feel your touch again.
Swallowing back a pang of unjustified grief, I whispered, “You’re going to go places.”
Without me.
“The only place I’m going is Rossi’s Novelties,” she replied with a soft laugh.
I shook my head. “You and I both know that’s not true. You’re going to leave and become some famous artist while I’m just going to stay here, of course. My grades, background…no college is going to take me.”
“What about community college?”
I almost laughed, but the lock of her jaw and tightness of her lips told me better. “What about it? You really think I have the money for that?”
Rocky’s eyes drooped. “It just sucks to think I’ll be so far away from you. You know I’m applying to Greystone and all.”
“Greystone University. Future home of Raquel Rossi.” Even saying the name of the school sucked ass. The college was about five hours away, and though I knew it was her dream to attend it, now that it seemed so close to happening I selfishly prayed she wouldn’t get in. I was a terrible person.
“Don’t call me Raquel,” she snapped
I bit my bottom lip and sucked in a breath. “Sorry…You’ll get in.”
“You think so?”
Unfortunately.