Chapter 10
If I thought the ride to Charleston was uncomfortable, I hadn’t seen anything yet. The next few months were nothing short of utter torture. Funny thing was my dad wasn’t even too horrible to me. In fact, it was sort of nice seeing this new and improved model of what my dad used to be. Gone was his aloofness and perpetual depression. What was left was a smiling, happy, and over attentive father. Of course his doting could get a bit annoying.
“You know you’ve been here for three months and you’ve hardly touched anything I’ve cooked for you.” Dad shoved a plate full of…well, I don’t know what it was full of. It looked as if it was pulled off the pages of some gourmet magazine. He even had cilantro and a carved piece of carrot toward the side.
I slumped over the kitchen table and shrugged my shoulders. “I’m not hungry.”
BZZZ.
My phone vibrated and immediately my heart began thrashing. It was close to three in the afternoon, meaning that Rocky had just gotten out of school, and as our daily ritual went, she texted me immediately. Though she never did text me back that fateful night—nor did she tell me why she didn’t—our conversation resumed the next day. It hadn’t stopped since.
Rocky: Hey, how are you?
Those four little words caused a miraculous pick me up, and before I knew it a smile had worked onto my face.
Me: Better now that I’m hearing from you…
Too flirty? I shook my head and retyped:
Me: Doing okay. Wish I was there.
“You really still want to go back to Bethel Falls?” Dad’s breath seared my neck, his loud voice deafening. “What does that town have left for you?”
I jerked up and jammed my phone into my jeans pocket, which felt a bit baggier than usual. I leaned away from him and scowled. “Really? Reading over my shoulder, Dad? A bit immature there, wouldn’t you agree?”
Dad didn’t falter. Straightening himself, he eyed me with concern. “You know you’re not going back, right? At least not until you smarten up.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” My fists clenched automatically. Fuck, why did he always find a way to get under my skin?
My dad gazed over my hands and frowned. “Son, things would be a lot better if you learn to accept the situation. I already gave you my blessing to get your GED in hopes that you’d use the extra time to make something of yourself, not just sit and sulk around like this all day.” He pulled at my jeans, eliciting a sneer from me. “And you really should eat. You’re wasting away.”
“I’m not sulking,” I muttered, brushing my hand through my hair, which had grown a lot longer than I usually wore it. I’ll admit that I really wasn’t taking care of myself. What was the point when your life was a shithole already?
“Son—”
“Don’t call me that,” I snapped.
He sighed. “You may deny it, but I know your reluctance to adjust is because of Rocky, isn’t it?”
I glued my lips together and didn’t respond.
As if taking my silence as an invitation, he pulled out the expensive looking dining chair from beside me. It scraped against the ground like nails on a chalkboard. “You’ve seen how your mother and I ended.”
“Um, and?”
“Having no purpose in life ended what could have been a great relationship.”
I blinked quickly. I’ve never heard him talk about my mother in a way so…so…nice.
He nodded his head in understanding. “You don’t have to say it and you don’t have to agree with me, but I can see how much you like Raquel. You owe it to her and you owe it to yourself to grow up a little bit if you wish to pursue her.”
I snorted and looked away. This was almost as uncomfortable as the time he found a porn magazine under my blankets. “You don’t know anything.”
“I know that you’ve had that phone in your hand for the last three months. I know that every time it buzzes you jump up as if the Queen of England just called.
“Why would I care if the Queen of England called?”
“Exactly my point!”
I stared at him in bewilderment. “What?”
“I’m not blind, Jesse. I know you really love this girl.”
Love. Such a foreign concept to me.
“She’s my best friend, Dad,” I replied, taking my time to enunciate each syllable. “Of course I care about her. You do know what it’s like to have friends, right?”
My dad looked at me knowingly. “Suffice it to say, we both know it’s more than that. You want my advice?”
“If I say no will you leave me alone?” I asked hopefully.
“Who would you want Rocky to end up with? A hot-headed, immature boy? Or a steady and responsible man?”
I didn’t answer.
“And perhaps…Never mind.”
“Just spit it out, Dad,” I groaned.
He bit his lip hesitantly. “Listen, maybe she needs to grow up as well.”
“What do you mean?”
“Take a look at your life.”
“Believe me I have.” I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. “It’s not something I like to do.”
“It seems to me that you both tend to drag each other down.”
“She doesn’t do that to me,” I shot back defensively.
“Are you sure? Who did you follow to the dance, knowing you couldn’t set foot on school property?”
I remained silent.
He nodded smugly. “Who do you skip class with? Party with? Am I going out on a limb if I say she’s also the reason you punched that jock in the face?”
As if a dam broke, all the emotions I tried so hard to suppress spilled out. Fear’s cool claws gripped my spine and traveled down each vein in my body in its iciness. Maybe he was right. Maybe Rocky and I did bring out the worst in each other. Maybe I didn’t deserve her ever. “What if we never grow up? What then?”
“That’s up to you. Sometimes people are just not meant to be, and unfortunately, making difficult decisions is the first part of growing up. If you really love her, son, if you want the best for both of you, then maybe…maybe it’s best if you let her go.”
We sat bathed in silence, most likely contemplating what we had done wrong in our lives. I sat back, listening to a ticking clock that echoed throughout the house. Time was a funny thing. It didn’t guarantee you’d change, but more than likely change would accompany it.
Before I knew what I was doing, I grabbed the fork in front of me and took a bite of Dad’s gourmet masterpiece. Luckily, Dad knew better than to gloat. I gulped down a piece of steak in surprise. “Where’d you learn to cook? If memory serves me correctly, I grew up with greasy bags of burgers and fries every night.”
A sad smile touched his lips. “Well, when half your paycheck goes to booze you sort of run out of money to buy anything good.”
I took another bite and frowned. “Why didn’t you ever stop her? Force her to rehab or something?”
He curled his lips together and let them go with a pop. “That’s the other thing about becoming an adult. Tough love is necessary, but not easily managed. I guess…” He paused and wiped away a stray tear. “I guess I wasn’t man enough for that marriage.”
“Is that why you’re getting remarried? Because running away suddenly made you the man you wanted to be?” I snapped.
Dad’s thick eyebrows lowered. “That’s not fair, Jesse.”
“You sure about that?”
“Jesse,” he snapped warningly.
“You didn’t just leave Mom, remember? You left me.” I dropped my fork and shook my head in disgust. “Maybe that’s another reason why I’m not ‘grown up’ yet, either.”