It’s because you’re losing Rocky. You’ve already lost her.
“But it’s for the better, right? It’s the best for both of us,” I whispered to no one in particular. I eyed the fizzing glass of beer, tempted to chug it down, but thought better of it. Plucking it from the table, I held it out to a red-faced man dancing with a tie wrapped around his head. “Here. I don’t want it.”
Grinning, he scooped it right out of my hand and tipped it down his throat. I shook my head in disgust and continued to watch my dad and his new wife with both jealousy and sadness.
The reception carried on painfully, and just when I thought I couldn’t take the bullshit any longer, I heard a soft, “You alone?” in my ear. Startled to find a Rocky look-alike smiling down at me, I immediately pushed away.
“Whoa, I didn’t mean to scare you.” She shot me a sincere smile and placed her hand on my shoulder. My gaze fell down to her hot pink nails, following the length of her arm before finally resting on her face. She wore a dress that was a bit inappropriate for a wedding, but paid no mind that her nipples were on the verge of jumping out. I forced my gaze from her breasts and caught a knowing look in her eyes.
“You alone?” she repeated, brushing her other hand through her hair. It was the same color as Rocky’s mane, but not quite as beautiful. In fact, though this girl could easily pass as her sister, something was off about her.
It’s because she isn’t Rocky.
I merely shrugged and didn’t answer, eliciting a slight pout on her face. Seemingly not one to give up too easily, she gripped my hand tighter. “Well, I’m alone and was looking for some company myself. I was hoping I could sit with you?”
These girls were a dime a dozen—tipsy, lonely, and just looking to get laid. I didn’t know what it was about me that continuously attracted these types, but I really wasn’t in the right state of mind to deal with her that night. I was just about to tell her to take a hike when my jacket pocket vibrated again, my phone’s screen illuminating against the thin linen material. I’d grown accustomed to ignoring Rocky’s texts, but doing so still gnawed at my insides.
The strange girl glanced down and smiled quizzically. “You gonna answer that?”
I swallowed the bitter taste in my mouth and sighed. “What’s the point? It’s not going to change anything.”
As if coming to an epiphany, the girl’s face broke out into relief. “I take it you’re in the middle of a break-up?” And just like that she grabbed the chair beside me as if receiving an invitation to pounce.
I shrugged again. “No…yes…what does it matter? It’s never going to work out.”
A sly grin spread across the girl’s face, making her look like the Cheshire cat. “Sometimes things fall apart so that better things come together.”
I cocked my head to the side and raised my eyebrows. Now I really did not know how to respond to that.
***
“Come on! Faster! Faster!” Sloan—as I later found out as I was ripping off her bright red bra—moaned into my ear. Though her breathy sighs were a big stroke to my ego, I couldn’t help but wonder if she was faking her enjoyment somehow. Her face curled almost comically in a frozen mask of ecstasy.
Now, I’ve messed around before. Had a girl’s lips wrapped around my cock, sliding up and down my shaft with slathered spit as makeshift lube. I’ve groped, licked, and sucked my way up and down a girl’s body, tasting their sweat, saliva and well, other things. However, despite what all my classmates back at home thought about me, I’d never actually done it—never gone all the way. Not that I never had my chances to. In fact, I often wondered why no girl ever accused me as being a premature ejaculating tease. Yet, as horrible as it sounds, there just wasn’t a single girl I wanted to give it up to who wouldn’t make me feel cheapened afterwards. After always being given the bottom of the barrel, I wanted my first time to be meaningful and…well, for once I wanted the best.
And now look at me…Jesse Tyler fucking up once again.
I could blame it on the wedding, the envy, and even loneliness brewing inside my soul, but that just wouldn’t be the case. The truth was that I finally realized that I’d never get the best. ‘The Best’ was up in Bethel Falls waiting for her best friend to text her back. Unfortunately, her best friend was a scared, insecure boy who feared that he’d remain the scum everyone expected him to be. As much as I wanted her I could never have her without being that boy again. She had always been my safety net, a reason never to make myself better. It took moving away to realize that I deserved more—she deserved more. So here I was, fucking a generic, second rate look-alike version of her instead.
Sloan’s dramatic cries softened into a hushed whimper. Our skin slapped together as I thrusted ‘harder’ and ‘faster.’ I tried to get into the moment, but it was no use, and slowly—painfully—I felt my dick going limp inside of her. This…this wasn’t how I wanted it to be. It was all wrong, but I was too far gone to turn back.
A trickle of sweat slid down my nose, dropping onto Sloan’s wrinkled forehead. Her eyes flung open as she grabbed the back of my neck, digging her fake nails into the base of my spine. “I’m gonna come! Let’s come together.”
No way was that gonna happen. I wasn’t even close.
Sloan’s soft sighs suddenly turned into loud screams. I cringed, glancing at the door, worried that somebody could barge into the empty conference room at any moment. Her vagina pulsated, throbbing against my dick, but sadly it did nothing for me.
Crap, I have to come now or she’ll think I’m some tool.
I shut my eyes and tried to remove myself from the situation, allowing my mind to wander to my deepest subconscious. Yes, I was nit-picking for anything to help me out at the moment, but nothing was working. Feeling frustrated, my eyes pried open and I looked down below me. As my gaze traveled up Sloan’s jiggling breasts, onto her glistening neck and to her face, something happened. The dark hair, dark eyes…it was no longer Sloan beneath me, but Rocky. The blood rushed to my dick and whatever block I was feeling was somehow lifted.
“Rocky,” I whispered, caressing the side of her face.
“Rocky?” Sloan screeched, snapping me out of my hallucination. Her perplexed expression changed into one of amusement. “Eh, if boxers are your fetish I can live with it.”
And just like that any hope of coming was thrown out the window.
***
A familiar tune echoed from the dance hall. It took me a few seconds to realize it was the same song that played during homecoming, right before Rocky and I were torn apart.
Tap, tap, tap.
I groaned, trying my best to tune the melody out, and walked further down the hotel parking lot. The stupid song was just another grim reminder of everything wrong in my life, and it was quite fitting it’d be the soundtrack to my personal walk of shame.
“What are you doing out here, my man? I thought you’d be gloating.” Jason’s flushed face came to focus as he staggered in my direction. A voice inside my head told me to keep on walking, but as usual I ignored all warning signs and came to a halt. Beer bottle in hand, Jason came up beside me and looked me up and down. His liquor tinged breath was a bit hard to choke down and I found myself almost dry heaving. “Thought you’d be gloating.”
“What are you talking about?”
He snorted, taking a swig of beer. “Sloan? Figures you’d shag her on the first night.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He shook his head and shoved something small into my hand. “Here.”
“What is it?” I asked, never taking my eyes off my new brother. His grey eyes seemed cold, calculating almost, but I chalked it up to inebriation.
“So you really are a pussy, aren’t you? Of course my mom would marry a lame ass dude with an even lamer son.”