“O-o-ok-ay,” she stammered. “L-l-let’s go.”
Cold breeze after cold breeze blew through, making me feel as if we were under attack by some frost magician. Desperately wishing I was in South Carolina’s warmth, I bared my teeth and spat out in disgust. “Forgot how cold it gets here.”
“It doesn’t get cold in Charleston?” Rocky asked as we climbed into my even colder car. She kept her head down and chin tucked into her wool jacket.
“We have our winters, but we’re further south. Nothing like it is here.” My mind began to wander toward images of Rocky in tank tops or bikinis. Her olive-toned limbs bare and slick with sweat. My body instantly heated up, but I knew it wasn’t from my car’s heater.
Almost as if she could read my mind, Rocky looked away and blushed. “Oh.”
Awkward silence is one of the most excruciating things that exists in this world. It was right ahead of slow claps and right behind people who pick their noses at stoplights. Rocky and I leaned into our heated seats and stared straight ahead, watching the windows fog. It was so silent that we could easily hear the blast of warm air escaping the vents.
After a few moments, Rocky huffed in irritation and blurted out, “So why cut me out of your life? Why cease all convo with me?”
My eyes widened and I didn’t know whether to laugh or squirm. “Wow! You’re going straight for the punch.”
She scowled. “Jesse, I’m serious. I thought we were better than that.”
Well, this is why I invited her out anyway, right? To clear the air. It was finally time. “Fine. I guess I owe you an explanation.”
“Yeah, you do.” Rocky paused, waiting for me to speak. When I didn’t, she just about growled. “Jesse, seriously?”
Just because my brain knew it was time didn’t mean every other part of my body did. Heart pounding, muscles tensed, I admitted, “I’m not ready to tell you everything, okay? Just take what I give you and roll with it.”
“It’s not like you’re giving me anything at all,” she pointed out.
“I was just getting to that part,” I replied with a chuckle.
And so started my litany about my fucked up life. Sure, none of my revelations came as a surprise, but I guess speaking the words out loud was an entirely different experience than witnessing it firsthand.
Soon I felt myself surrender to my memories. It’s funny, but it was oddly therapeutic revisiting certain instances with a clear mind. In fact, I was finally able to fully understand my father’s motives in abandoning my family without feeling the pangs of anger that I had usually associated with him leaving me alone with Mom.
Unfortunately, Rocky wasn’t as apt to forgive. “If your dad felt that way, why did he leave you with her? Surely, he wouldn’t want his son to grow up in such an environment.”
“I guess he thought leaving me would sort of give my mom the kick she needed to get her life together.” I paused, feeling a veil lift from my eyes. “I honestly think my dad always planned on coming back.”
Her eyes darkened. “What changed?”
“Life,” I replied simply. “When he moved to Charleston everything just fell into place for him. New job, new home, new wife.”
“New wife?” She gaped.
I frowned slightly. How could she have forgotten the main catalyst to my nervous breakdown? After all, she was there when the shit hit the fan.
Guess she didn’t care about you as much as you thought.
If she reacted to Teresa like this, there was no way I’d tell her about Jason. My temper spiked thinking of my lovely older ‘brother.’
I cleared my throat and shook off my unease. “Like I said, life happens.”
“Wow.” She exhaled slowly, allowing her lips to pucker. “Is that why you never came back? Because you liked your dad’s new life better?”
My eye twitched. I was still feeling a bit perturbed at her sudden ‘forgetfulness,’ though I knew I didn’t deserve any real estate in her mind. Still, seeing the slight hint of pain on her face twisted my gut like a knife.
“To a degree,” I agreed, finding it hard to mask my own pain. “I didn’t come back because I realized how much this place dragged me down. How much my mom dragged me down. There wasn’t anything in this town left for me, and moving in with my dad showed me that. He also showed me what a lack of opportunity this place had, and how moving away can help you reinvent yourself for the better. Sometimes old habits die hard and it was up to me to change that.”
“Is that why you stopped talking to me? Because you wanted to forget everything about a town that had nothing for you?” Her face remained stone cold, but I knew her strength was a facade. One more prick and she’d be a water balloon waiting to explode.
Still feeling a bit put off by her lack of memory, I shrugged nonchalantly. “Like I said, I’ll only tell you everything I’m comfortable with. That’s about as comfortable as I can get right now.”
She rolled her eyes, but surprisingly relented. “Fine. So why come back? You obviously didn’t care enough about your mom to visit her before. Why come back now when she’s sick?”
I knew she was right, and though I felt slightly offended, I couldn’t be mad at an observation that was true. “She’s my mom, Rocky. Regardless of everything she did. Regardless of what a shithole this place is—”
“Hey! I still live here, dipshit.” She snapped her fingers in annoyance. “My family and I grew a very successful business here—one you work in, might I add. Careful what you say!”
I stifled a strained laugh. “Fine, let me rephrase that. This town only provides opportunity for certain people.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she growled.
“You, Stephanie, that Ethan guy.” Ugh, even saying his name made me feel as if I were chewing live locusts in my mouth. “You all obviously had the potential and backing to make something of yourselves here. Not me. Not the kid who was struggling to find money to buy something to eat only to find out his mom blew it all on cigarettes.”
She blinked in surprise. “If you needed help, why didn’t you just ask? You know my family and I would have helped you.”
“I know, and that’s precisely why I didn’t want to ask you.”
“I don’t understand.”
I knew she wouldn’t. How could I explain something that seemed so obvious to me?
“Can you imagine what my mom would have done if she found out? She would have found a way to move into your house and drain you for every penny you had! My leaving was necessary for me and my mom. Did you know she finally held a job for longer than three months after I left?”
“Three years,” she replied matter-of-factly.
I looked up in surprise. I didn’t know she lasted that long.
Probably noticing the doubt on my face, she added, “I used to go to Gold Diner whenever I visited my family on the weekends during college. I’d see her in the back cooking.”
“Yeah, guess it runs in the family,” I mumbled.
“What does?”
I opened my mouth, but abruptly shut it. I wanted to tell her about Tyler’s Tavern, I really did. I wanted to shout it out loud: Rocky, I’m a changed man! But somehow I knew telling her about my other life in Charleston would just cause the rift between us to widen. She didn’t know how long I was staying in town, and for the time being that was the best case scenario. She’d probably think I was running away again.
“Never mind.” I sighed and hesitantly reached out to place my fingers on top of her wool jacket, finding myself wishing that we were skin to skin.
What the fuck are you doing, Jesse? You’re being ridiculous.
Pulling back quickly, I smirked. “I don’t expect you to understand my choices, Rocky. I really don’t. But I’m here now to take care of my sick mother because she has no one left to do so. If you knew anything about me, you’d know that underneath that dumb teenage facade I used to hold I was always a good guy. I’m even better now.”
“I know.”
I gazed into her eyes and frowned. How could she? Neither of us knew one thing about each other anymore. Apparently, nothing from senior year either. Still, it felt good to think she saw the best in me. Remembering Maurice’s words, I knew there was nothing I could do but to prove it to her.