Her nose grew pink and her eyes glistened, threatening to release a wall of tears. Whether her impending breakdown was due to destroying what looked like a twenty-dollar shirt or from drinking more alcohol than I had thought, I felt a strong need to distract her. Grabbing her arm, I motioned toward the dance floor. “Nah, I don’t think she’ll notice. You’re fine. Just forget about it. Let’s go have some fun while we’re here.”
“And do what?” she demanded.
“Let’s dance.”
Was dancing really a good idea? It seemed that every time Rocky moved my dick grew harder.
Well, there’s no backing out now.
“You? Dance?” she asked in disbelief.
“Why is that so surprising?” I laughed at the bewilderment on her face.
Her eyes blinked as if seeing me for the first time. “You’re Jesse.”
“Yeah, and you’re Rocky.”
She was unamused and gestured toward my all black ensemble. “You know what I mean. You were the rocker guy—the bad boy. Not someone who would even know how to dance to Top 40 music.”
Revved up by her reaction, I tugged at her again. “Well, you’d be surprised. Come on!”
We navigated our way to the middle of the floor, dodging what felt like a hundred slimy bodies. I had no idea how people did stuff like this on a weekly basis and for enjoyment! It took all my might not to dry heave from the smell of sweat, which permeated the dance floor. Trying my best to ignore the swarming crowd, I turned to my one oasis in the desert of horny drunkards. Unfortunately, she seemed as stiff as a board and unsure how to even move her feet.
I shook my head and gently grabbed onto her hips, fighting back the rush of blood in my core. “Relax, Rocky! Dance. Don’t you know how to dance?”
“I know how to dance!” she growled back at me.
I flashed a teasing smile. “Then dance.”
It took her a few minutes before she visibly relaxed. One at a time her shoulders loosened, lowering from her neck. She took a deep breath and began swaying her hips—slowly at first, then faster. Though I felt self-conscious myself, it was far easier for me to lose myself to the music watching Rocky’s sensual movements. I kept my eyes on her hips, which circled in time to the bass, and imagined that it was my whole body coaxing her to sway like that. It’d be my groin nudging her hips to and fro, causing her to throw her head back in ecstasy and excitement. It didn’t take long at all before I felt my own body mimicking the movements in my mind. I began dancing the way I’d imagine would pleasure her. I knew I was digging myself into a rabbit hole, but after years’ worth of pent up sexual frustration and tension, I was about to explode. I needed her.
As I was teetering on the edge of becoming lost in my fantasy world, a loud screeching reminiscent of metal nails against a chalkboard snapped me back to reality.
What am I doing? This is homecoming all over again. I’m just going to get her hopes up only to leave again.
Still, I owed it to myself for one night of fun…right?
I glanced up at the DJ booth and grimaced when I saw him bouncing his head up and down to whatever electronic squeaking he was playing. I scowled and lifted my hand, throwing him thumbs down. “Ugh, what is this crap?”
Rocky pushed sweat-soaked bangs from her face. “Guess, it’s techno. Wanna sit down?”
As much as I hated the crap, there was no way I’d cut my time with Rocky on the dance floor short. Especially since it was the one night I’d allow myself to be with her. I shook my head and grinned at the slight pout of her lips. “Nah, when in Rome, right?”
Before long the two of us were jumping up and down, waving our arms in the air like crazy people. My stomach hurt from laughing so much and for a moment I began to wonder if I really did like techno music.
“Now this is more like it.” I nodded my head in approval.
Drunk with the remnants of fantasy, arousal, and the satisfaction of reconnecting with my old friend, I reached out and spun her toward me. Her eyes widened as she fell against my body.
Slow down, Jesse.
Pulling the reins a bit, I yelled out, “It’s going to be midnight soon. Any resolutions?”
Her face twitched slightly, her eyes darkening. “Oh, you know, same old, same old. Eat better, exercise more. How about you?”
“Well, for starters, I want to pay back all debts.”
“What do you mean? Oh!”
I couldn’t help myself and tightened my grip around her even more, inhaling the sweet scent of her hair.
So much for slowing down.
Her scent, a sweet mix of strawberry shampoo, light body spray, and sweat, was almost intoxicating. It was dizzying, almost rendering me speechless.
Gulping, I tilted my head closer to her. “First of all, I told you I was going to make up for ditching you during homecoming. I guess a gaudy nightclub is the closest thing to it.”
Rocky’s arms tensed under my grip. I looked down and noticed a troubled expression on her face. Feeling fantasy crumble away, I jarred myself from my trancelike state and pulled away. “Rocky, what’s wrong?”
Her cheeks paled. “I…”
The music cut and speakers squealed with the DJ’s annoying voice. “Time for the countdown everyone! Ten, nine, eight…”
Shaking my head, I ignored the outbursts surrounding me. There was only one thing that deserved my attention, and she was gnawing nervously on her bottom lip. “Rocky, what’s wrong?”
“ONE!”
Shyly, Rocky lifted her face and whispered, “Happy New Year.”
Did they light fireworks indoors? No, it couldn’t be.
It wasn’t.
My insides burst open once Rocky’s soft lips pressed against mine. After a night of fantasizing, yearning, and lusting for her, I easily surrendered to her touch. Unfortunately, reality’s ugly face was once again waiting to pounce.
I’ll be leaving Bethel Falls again.
What the fuck was I doing? Did I really think one night would change anything? I’d be leaving Rocky behind again and then what? It wouldn’t be long until we’d find ourselves miles apart leading two separate lives again. As much as I wanted Rocky—as much as I wanted everything she wanted—I couldn’t desert her again. Stephanie was right, I’d only hurt her again. Well, history was not about to repeat itself. This time I knew that I loved her enough to finally let her go for good.
This has gone too far, Jesse. You should never have come back.
I loosened her hands from my neck and stepped away from her, feeling a sudden shock of sadness without her lips on mine. It really had gone too far. I was just like my mother—selfish beyond belief.
“Um, Rocky? I, uh…” What could I say to her? There was no way she’d understand and definitely no way she’d want to hear my reasoning. Feeling lost, I found myself heading toward the exit, leaving her on the dance floor. It wasn’t until I felt the cool winter air on my face that I realized the magnitude of what I just did.
I’d already gone and left her behind.
Chapter 20
“What the heck did I just do?” I punched my steering wheel, blasting the horn. The high pitched scream cut through the silent night, startling a couple playing tonsil hockey next to my car. They jumped about five feet and began yelling obscenities at me. Not in the mood, I shouted back, “Get a room!”
Muttering my own curse words under my breath, I began my trek home. Though my house wasn’t too far from the strip, it felt as if the journey home lasted a whole day. My thoughts jumped around erratically as I replayed the night’s events in my mind.
I got what I wanted, right? Rocky liked me back. Her feelings never went away after all. Plus, Ethan was definitely not on her mind. So what? What good would it be? We’d only end up messing each other’s lives once again.