“Ugh! I wish I had someone to talk to!” I gritted my teeth, entering my house. My mother’s coughs greeted me, but judging by the lack of crass remarks I figured she was asleep. Trudging to my room, I pulled out my phone and skimmed through the contacts, feeling more and more deflated when I realized I had no real friends I could call to vent or even wish a Happy New Year.
It wasn’t as if I hadn’t met any new people in Charleston. However, having grown used to people pushing me away, I always kept my new friends at arm’s length. Besides, every new friendship I made seemed a bit thin and artificial. None of them held the weight I ever felt with my high school buds. Therein lay my problem.
Sighing, I sucked it up and called the one person I knew would listen to my stupid problems. Swiping the screen, I pressed my thumb against his name, which was incidentally the only contact in my ‘Favorites.’ He answered in one ring.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Happy New Year!” He struggled to shout above the laughter, squeals of delight, and chatter behind him.
That’s right. Tyler’s Tavern was hosting an NYE party. How did I even forget?
I swallowed and took a breath. “Happy New Year.”
There was a slight pause followed by the sound of a closing door. Dad must have locked himself in the janitor’s closet or bathroom, considering we had no other private rooms in the establishment.
“What’s wrong?” Dad asked in a worried tone. “Is your mom…Are you locked up…Is everyone okay?”
I smirked, feeling unjustifiably irritated. “She’s fine and no, I’m not in jail. Seriously, Dad?”
He sighed and replied in a sheepish tone. “Old habits die hard. It is one of the most alcohol-fueled nights of the year.”
My eyes darkened. “Well, that habit of mine died almost four years ago.”
“Since I doubt you’re calling your old man just to wish me Happy New Year, would you care to tell me what happened?”
I scratched my head, trying to gather my thoughts. Despite our improved relationship, discussing sex, girls, and love still seemed unbearably awkward. “I…uh…um…do you remember Rocky?”
“Rocky…” His voice trailed off. “Oh, you mean Raquel Rossi?”
I nodded, which was stupid seeing as we were speaking on the phone. “Uh…I…she…”
“What did you do to her?” He sounded exhausted.
“Really?” I snorted. “What makes you think I did anything to her? Do you really think that low of me?”
“You can’t really blame me for figuring that history had once again repeated itself.”
“Well, it hasn’t,” I snapped in annoyance.
“Okay…so what happened?”
“She kissed me.”
Silence.
After a few seconds, I called out, “Dad? You still there?”
He cleared his throat. “Sorry, I was just trying to think of an appropriate, fatherly reply.”
“Well, hate to break it to you, but my life was full of inappropriateness, so by all means say whatever you want.”
“Okay, to put it bluntly—why is it a bad thing? Thought young men your age would love to have a pretty girl to celebrate the holiday with.”
“You don’t get it, do you?”
“Guess not…”
“Dad, we both know I’ll be going back there. My whole life is now in Charleston. Why lead her on if I’m just going to leave her again?”
“And leaving is bad because?” he wondered.
“Gee, of course you’d ask a question like that. Leaving was always easy for you,” I blurted out before I could stop myself. I cringed, waiting for his reaction, which surprisingly wasn’t that bad.
“Listen, son. What I meant to say is that if things—relationships—are meant to work out they will. Obviously, I tried hard to make my marriage with your mother work, and do you know why?”
I crossed my arms and groaned in exasperation. “No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”
“Because it wasn’t meant to be. I know I’ve given you some pretty shitty advice in the past―”
“Yeah you have.”
“—but what if you’re back in Bethel Falls for a reason? What if you’ve grown up enough to finally make it work? You remember what I said back then, right?”
I nodded. “Of course. You said Rocky was a bad influence.”
“No, I didn’t mean—ugh, forget it.”
Though I had a barrage of rebuttals, I decided to keep my mouth shut.
“Take me, for example. With Teresa it’s different. It’s easy. That’s how it is supposed to be. Seeing as how you’ve only been there for two weeks and already you and Rocky are making waves, maybe…”
“Maybe what?” I muttered.
“Maybe she’s your easy. Long distance relationships can work, son. Moving back to Charleston really isn’t the worst problem you can have.”
“I beg to differ,” I replied glumly. “Long distance relationships only work for people who don’t screw things up on a regular basis. What’s the guarantee that I won’t fuck things up now?”
“I thought therapy helped,” Dad replied quietly.
I blinked in surprise. “It did…in a way.” Sighing, I threw my body against my bed and rubbed my eyes. “It helped me realize my shortcomings and the fact that I am my own shortcoming.”
Dad snorted. “Hate to say it, but you’re giving yourself too much credit.”
“Gee thanks,” I replied dully.
“You do realize people have free will, right?”
“Uh, yeah?” What was he getting at?
As if explaining the most obvious thing in the world, he said slowly, “Maybe you didn’t drag her down after all and maybe she didn’t drag you down as I previously thought. Maybe she liked doing all those things, same as you did.”
“I guess…” I was still left utterly confused.
He pressed on. “And maybe she’s woman enough now to finally show you what she’s been trying to all along. She’s a stronger person, and she’s in control of her destiny the same way you’ve always been in control of yours.”
“I never thought she was weak. I just thought…”
“You thought too little of her, as did I,” he admitted. “Give her more credit than you have been. She sounds like she knows what she’s doing.”
Chapter 21
Rossi’s Novelties was closed on New Year’s Day, and I couldn’t have been happier. It gave me a chance to reevaluate everything and to prep myself for my first encounter with Rocky. It also gave me ample opportunity to sit down with my mother. I really wasn’t looking forward to spending so much time with her, but like she said, picking this nurse was a two-person job. God be with whomever we chose.
I placed my newly brewed mug of coffee down on the kitchen table, causing the old thing to wobble. It was the same table from my childhood, and guessing from the scratches, scraped paint, and other stains littering the monstrosity, she’d really given it a run for its money.
“Used and abused. I know the feeling.”
Mom staggered toward the chair opposite of me and plopped down, eyeing me expectantly. Her tank ticked ominously, like a metronome guiding the rhythm of her wandering gaze.
I shifted uncomfortably, feeling the burn from her glare. “What are you looking at?”
“I was just thinking that you look more and more like your father each day.” She paused and began to cough, pulling at the translucent skin hanging from her throat. “How is he, by the way? I never thought to ask.”
“He’s fine.”
Mom remained quiet, as if waiting for me to say more. When she realized that was about as deep as my answer would get, she muttered in a hoarse tone, “Well, let’s get this over with so you can abandon me just like he did.”
If auras were visible, mine would have been ripped and stained with bright red. Palms clammy, I opened and closed my fist. “Are you being serious right now?”
“You and your dad are cut from the same cloth. Both selfish pigs.” She crossed her arms across her chest, wincing as her elbow knocked into her tank. She was never one to show physical pain, and that one action alone disarmed me. However, I was not going to go down without a fight. Not anymore.