“Selfish? You want to talk about being selfish? Who was it who cared more about getting high than watching her own son? Better yet, who cared more about feeling buzzed than salvaging her own marriage?” I was struggling not to yell, but miserably failing. Years’ worth of pent up aggression had finally burst from its prison.
Her thin, almost translucent lips remained pressed together, exaggerating the cracked lines surrounding her mouth. Her dark eyes seemed almost black, void of any expression.
Realizing that arguing with my mother was like picking a fight with a two-year-old, I slammed down hard on the table and shoved a packet of papers toward her. “Here. I took the liberty of skimming the list without you. I circled the ones that I like. Choose one—just one—from that list. That’s kind of picking together, right?”
Scowling, she threw the papers to her side, watching as the pile floated toward the ground like graceful feathers wafting in the air. It almost looked beautiful, but unfortunately nothing in the Tyler household ever stayed beautiful for long. Take my mother, for instance. Had it not been for her recreational drug use and alcohol abuse, I could almost imagine her as a vibrant brunette, full of life and promise. I gazed upon her wrinkled, leathery skin sadly. She wasted her life away, plain and simple.
I’d never let myself do that again.
“Pick who you want, I don’t give a fuck anymore.” I jumped to my feet, nearly knocking the rickety table over. “I’ll be out of your life for good. Count on it.”
Chapter 22
The winter weather was annoying the crap out of me. Every moment in Bethel Hills was like tempting hypothermia or at the very least inviting pneumonia to set in. The atmosphere was dreary—grey with no hint of winter sun. Even the darkened trees seemed to cry out, begging for warmth.
I pulled into the Texas-sized parking lot of Rossi’s, careful not to drift along the icy asphalt, another effect of Jack Frost’s wrath. Setting my car in park, I let out a soft groan when I spotted Rocky’s sedan sitting primly toward the front. “Of course. Why wouldn’t she be here already?”
One hesitant step after another, I approached the store’s main doors. Through the foggy glass I could make out one dim light shining from inside.
“Well, here goes nothing.”
Lifting a gloved hand, I knocked softly, jarring the condensation loose. I stepped back, half-heartedly watching a makeshift race between two separate water droplets. By the time they reached the bottom of the doorframe, I was basically a popsicle.
“C-come on, R-r-rocky, I know you’re in t-t-t-here.” My teeth chattered against one another painfully.
I knocked again, this time louder and more insistent, but once again I was met with no answer. Knock after knock, nothing. Then finally, after the umpteenth time, I spotted Rocky dragging herself toward the front of the store. Judging by the horrified look on her face, she was feeling about as awkward as I was. She opened the door, but failed to lift her gaze to meet mine.
The day’s gonna suck with both of us feeling uncomfortable. Might as well try to alleviate the situation.
“Damn, girl!” I joked, jumping inside. “It’s freezing outside! What are you trying to do? Freeze my balls off or something?”
She gaped at me as if I had just spoken a foreign language, briefly eyeing me in suspicion.
I decided to continue playing dumb. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
She bit the corner of her mouth, causing her bottom lip to plump toward the side. My gaze dropped down, eyeing the tender pink skin. Proudly, I reminded myself I had kissed those lips just two nights before.
“I sort of thought things would be awkward between us,” she admitted, still shielding her eyes from mine.
“Why? Because you finally kissed me after almost ten years?” I blurted out, still entranced by her bubble gum lips.
“Excuse me?” She was put off, that’s for sure, and quickly made a beeline for the cash wrap.
Acting purely on impulse, I chased after her and replied, “C’mon, I always knew you sort of liked me. Surprised you waited so long.”
She paled. “I…I…uh…wait…what?”
“I’m not as dense as you always thought I was. I’m actually smarter than I look,” I said matter-of-factly.
“I never thought you were dense,” she snapped.
“Sure.”
The bad thing about winter is that though it is icy as hell outside, indoors was a different story. The combination of warm air along with the feeling of mild embarrassment and awkwardness made my skin feel as if it were on fire. To make matters worse, Rocky’s gaze practically burned a hole through my skin! I stripped off my jacket, fully aware that I was dripping in sweat.
Way to admit guilt there, asshole.
Rocky finally tore her gaze off of me and sneered, “Why are you acting so nonchalant about this?”
I blinked in surprise. “I’m not acting like anything. I’m being normal. Why are you acting so weird?”
“I’m mortified,” she admitted.
That makes two of us.
“Why?” I asked, not knowing how else to respond.
“I kissed you!” Her voice suddenly lowered, muffling the distinct pain dripping from her tone. “Then you walked away.”
Feeling guilty, I gulped, feeling as if my throat was lined with shards of glass. How was I going to walk out of this one?
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that.” Really sorry. “I guess I was just caught a bit off guard. It was wrong of me to walk away from you.” Did I mention I was sorry?
“Wouldn’t be the first time,” she whispered almost so quietly that I couldn’t hear.
“What was that?”
“Nothing,” she said quickly. Her face contorted, making her appear as if she was deep in thought. She lifted her pale painted nails to her mouth and began nibbling at the edges. “You have to admit if things weren’t already weird between us before, I certainly expect them to be weirder this time around.”
“Things weren’t weird between us.” It was a blatant lie. We both knew it.
“Really? Not weird? You wouldn’t talk to me for the first two days you were here,” she argued.
Gripping my jacket tightly, I wrung the thick material between my hands in frustration. How could I go about apologizing to her? I was playing games and I knew it, but I just felt so lost—I didn’t know how to proceed with her! Every time I felt as if I could move forward, something reminded me that I needed to hold back. I was definitely running circles around Rocky, but there was no way I could explain to her—let alone myself—why my feelings were so confused.
Right, wrong, devil, angel. She was the yin to my yang and always had been. Unfortunately, this devil still felt as if he didn’t deserve the angel.
My shoulders slumped forward in defeat. “Okay, fine. I guess that’s a fair assumption.”
“I guess I’m not as dense as you thought,” she muttered. “So care to tell me why the icy patch between us? Honestly, I was wondering why we didn’t cover the topic when we had burgers, but I guess I was just happy we were hanging out and didn’t want to press it.”
There were so many reasons, but somehow I knew they’d all hurt her. Choosing a truth that was less painful, I answered, “I guess I was a little scared to see you again.”
“Why?” she asked in disbelief.
“Not comfortable telling you that.”
“Oh my gosh! Are we back to that again?” She jammed her fingers into her keyboard and then shook her head in amused exasperation. “Wait, what the hell am I doing? I already clocked in. Shit.”
Once again falling back on humor, I let out a strained laugh. “Guess I still can get your panties in a twist.”