Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
“That’ll be sixty-eight dollars and seventy-five cents…hello? Hello? Mister, are you all right?”
Snapping out of my trance, I blinked quickly and saw the cashier waving his hands in front of my face.
“Dude, you okay?” The teenaged boy shifted his weight from one foot to the other and glanced down at his phone. “I can call 911 if you want…unless…are you high or something?”
Not high. More like low. I’m only leaving my sick mom and running away from the girl I love, but yeah, I’m fine.
I nodded dumbly and swiped my card into the reader. The boy looked at me funny before shrugging his shoulders. “Man, if this is what I have to look forward to when I get older then I don’t want it.”
I snorted and grabbed my groceries, placing about four bags on each arm. “Trust me, if I could be young forever, I would. Take it easy, my man.”
It was funny how something as mundane as grocery shopping could hold such a significant weight. As I drove home I found myself glancing back at the pile of plastic bags and feeling a bit guilty that my last act in Bethel Falls was nothing more than stocking the pantry of my old house. I mean, sure Mom had a nurse to take care of her and sure, we’d all just return to the lives we’ve known and loved for the past five years…yet a part of me still felt as if I should be doing something more significant for my last hurrah. Maybe buy out an ad in a newspaper to wish bon voyage to the people I loved…and hurt. Maybe I could have bought cakes for everyone and left them on their porches to be frozen by the freak snow of Bethel Falls. But nope, I was just stocking up the house with canned foods and fruit.
I turned into my cul-de-sac and almost screeched to a stop. Toward the opposite end of the street, right under a dying oak tree, there was a car that looked like the one Rocky drove.
“I must be seeing things,” I murmured with a shake of my head. “It’s just like those movies where the guy sees his girl’s face all over the place.”
Trudging up the steps to my house, I heard a feminine voice coming from inside. Figuring that Michelle had once again shown up early, I braced myself for a barrage of unsolicited advice when suddenly…
My mom’s raspy voice echoed through the empty hallway. “It’s because he was worried about dragging you down with him.”
“What?” I heard Rocky gasp and immediately felt my heart plummet.
“It was also because he was worried he’d be dragged back here—”
“Mom!” I ran into the den as fast as I could, vaguely aware that my bags of groceries were emptying their contents onto the floor.
“Jesse!” Rocky jumped to her feet, looking like a kid who had just been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded, shooting a worried glance at my mother. What could she have said to her?
“I-I…”
“Looking for me?” My eyes closed. What else would she be doing here? Certainly not visiting with my mother. When I opened my eyes I found Rocky on the floor, anxiously grabbing groceries and putting them into piles by my ripped bags. I shook my head in disgust. Rocky should never be cleaning up after anyone. Especially not me. “What did she tell you?”
A flash of orange flew across my eyes. Rocky smiled sheepishly, holding a fruit in front of my face. I shook my head in exasperation and pushed the citrus away.
“Um, just that—”
“You were leaving her again,” Mom answered for her. There was no mistaking the glee in her tone. Even after five years apart she still loved to see me squirm.
“No, she didn’t tell me that.” Rocky’s voice dropped a few octaves. It was obvious she was lying.
“Well, she should have.” My annoyance with my mother won out over my innate need to sugarcoat things for Rocky.
“So it’s true?” she squeaked. She glanced toward my mother, a look of pity washing over her face. “You’re really going to leave her like this? How can you even look at yourself in the mirror?”
“How can she look at herself? I tried, I really did. I wanted to make things better between us and she’s just here calling me a failure and acting like the bad mom she always was.” I didn’t care if my mom was in the same room. She needed to hear this! Seriously, why was I the only one who saw how badly she treated me?
“Stop right there, Jesse. You’re really going to talk about your sick mom like that?”
I swallowed back the lump that was growing in my throat. “You’re right.”
Preparing for battle, Rocky’s face visibly fell in surprise. “I am?”
A wild idea flashed through my head, a habit that always seemed to surface when shit was about to hit the fan. There was a way I could still leave, but without a heavy heart. It was my best idea yet. Before I could talk myself out of it, I reached out and grabbed her by her delicate wrist. “Come on.”
“What?” She blinked quickly.
“Nothing I say can make you understand. I have to show you.” Let me take it back. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea I had, but definitely the craziest. I yanked Rocky, causing her to fly toward me.
Rocky’s eyes flashed hysterically. “Where are we going? I have work! Your mom—”
“Has a nurse coming,” I interjected. “I’ve been doing research ever since I arrived and hired her yesterday.”
“When you didn’t come in. Of course,” Rocky whispered knowingly. She looked up slowly, pulling her lips apart so that her teeth shone like a wild animal. They sparkled brightly under the dim fluorescent light. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she was ready to take a chunk out of my flesh. “Why would I go anywhere with you?”
Instinctively I let go of her wrist and yanked my arm back just in case she did go for a bite. “I know I haven’t been that open with you and the reason is…”
“What, Jesse? More bullshit?”
“Listen, I—”
Crap, how the hell was I going to do this? I knew how I felt. I could feel it in my heart, but all the thoughts I had in my head just felt so jumbled up—there were no words to describe everything.
How I still loved her.
How I knew she still loved me.
Why our lives were too different to converge.
I peeked up cautiously. “You’re an artist and you know that a picture is worth a thousand words, right?”
“You’re going to show me a picture?” she asked doubtfully.
Ah, my Rocky. As sarcastic as ever.
“No, I’m going to show you something even better. Something that’ll make you understand everything I’ve kept from you. Just…please come with me. It’s important.” Deciding that she wouldn’t bite me, I grabbed her wrist again, yearning for the need to feel her skin on mine.
She remained quiet and for a moment I feared that I had actually caused her to lose her mind. Luckily she took a breath and finally spoke. “I have work. You know, the job you left behind?”
“So call someone in. I’m sure you can pull strings,” I yelped out desperately. She had about eight hundred family members. I was sure at least one of them could come in to cover for her. “What about Belle?”
“Seriously? She’d be on the phone with my parents in no time, probably making up a stupid lie. Besides, I already switched shifts with Maurice in order to come over here. He’s about to get off soon, meaning I need to relieve him.”
Okay, there went that plan.
Still holding onto her arm, I led her onto the front porch, desperate to escape my mother’s ears. That was all I needed, an audience to tell our gossip obsessed nurse about my soap opera life.
“Isn’t there anybody you can call?” I was desperate. I needed this sense of closure before I disappeared permanently.
Rocky shook her head, sucking in shallow breaths. She was definitely anxious. “Where are we going? You can’t just expect me to pick up and leave with you.”
“Of course not. I don’t expect anything from you.”
She certainly didn’t owe me anything.
Her face folded into the angriest expression I had ever seen on her. Once her upper lip began to twitch, I knew I had officially crossed the line. “What if I’m not comfortable? Ever think about that, Mr. Secrecy? What if I’m sick of your bullshit?”