“Please,” I heard myself plead. “I’d like to show you something. It would mean a lot.”
It felt like an eternity had passed before Rocky’s face softened. She slumped forward and took a deep breath. “Fine. Let me call Justin. He’s my backup key holder in case I caught the flu or something.”
A wave of relief flashed over me. She really was a great person. Even I couldn’t have expected her to throw me a favor, especially considering how I’d been treating her. That was exactly why I didn’t deserve her.
“Thank you.” I walked backwards toward the far pillar on my porch, giving her room to basically lie to her employee. As a boss myself, I could only imagine how torn up she must have felt about the whole situation, which further convinced me that I owed her big time. When I heard her hang up, I glanced up with a smile. “You could win an Oscar.”
“Shut up.” To my disappointment she jammed her hands into her pockets. There went any chance of holding them. Biting her lip, she looked up hesitantly. “Where are we going?
“Charleston.”
Chapter 26
I was the stupidest motherfucker out there.
Why the hell did I insist she go to Charleston with me? Was I just a huge glutton for punishment?
I slyly shot her a glance and gulped at what I saw. She was stiff, no doubt about that, and her hands were folded prim and proper in her lap. This was definitely not the fun and relaxed version of Rocky that I had come to know. She sat as if she were stuck in court, preparing for an onslaught of questioning from a shark lawyer—timid, polite, and definitely awkward.
“Really? Are you going to torture me with your lack of conversation?” I chuckled, trying to alleviate the mood. I got no response.
Well, maybe she was the lawyer in this case and I was the defendant—guilty until proven innocent.
I shot her an obvious glance and pouted slightly. “Fine, I deserve that.” I paused and dared ask, “The same way I deserve your trust?”
“My trust?” she exclaimed haughtily. “This coming from a guy who spent the last five years pretending I didn’t exist? Oh, yeah you’re a real trustworthy guy.”
Well, at least she was talking now. I gnawed at my lip, licking at the delicate broken skin and taste of iron, desperately wishing that somehow she and I could get a do over. I’m not just talking about a second chance on our friendship or even this second encounter. No, I’m talking about life itself. I mean, how much easier would it have been if I had grown up with a background like Ethan? I probably would have had the guts and the backing to have asked out the only girl I ever really loved eons ago! It was probably why I was so obsessed with the boat shoe wearing douche. For as preppy as he was, he would always be the guy I always wanted to be.
But it would never happen in this lifetime.
“What’s your deal, Jesse? First you ignore me then you kidnap me?” Her cheeks slowly washed to an uncomfortable shade of red far from the usual cute pink glow she exuded.
“I didn’t kidnap you. You came willingly. That’s what I’m going to tell the cops, anyway.”
Her lips twitched not once, but twice before breaking out into a soft smile. “Can you just explain to me why we’re going to Charleston?”
Truthfully, I don’t know what I’m doing.
“You’ll see when we get there,” I lied. “But for now I think it’d be good if we talked.”
“Oh? About what?” She straightened, her eyes wide with interest.
“Our dinner at the burger joint was not enough to catch us up on five years, don’t you think?”
“Well, whose fault is that?” she grumbled.
I swallowed, taking a deep breath to slow my beating heart. “It’d be easier if you kept an open mind, okay? I know you’re mad at me and God, I know I deserve it, but please just hear me out before you make quick judgments.” I sighed and shook my head. I’d messed our relationship up so much I knew it was probably beyond repair. But I needed to try.
“Fine. I’m listening,” she responded curtly.
There was a brief moment of silence and I was sure she could feel the disappointment radiating from my body. I wanted to listen to her speak. I’d had enough of my thoughts, fears, and insecurities. Rocky always made me feel better. I wanted to hear her voice and hold onto every word she said.
“Well, I was kind of hoping you’d go first,” I admitted.
“Me? I’m not the one who has explaining to do.”
“Please.” I was practically begging, but I didn’t care. I was beyond the point of caring.
“What would I even talk about?”
“Let’s start from the beginning.”
“Like what?” She lifted an eyebrow and pursed her lips.
I thought about it for a moment and realized there was still one burning question in my mind. “Like why did you change?”
“I didn’t—”
I cut her off. “You might not see it. Hell, Stephanie probably doesn’t, either. You two are so tightly wrapped inside the cocoon that is Bethel Falls that you both don’t realize that you’ve become such a scared, nervous person. Where’s the girl who was up for anything? My go-to chick.”
“Don’t call me a chick. I’m not an animal.”
“There we go. There’s that spunk I missed.”
She didn’t respond…for a while actually. Then suddenly her bottom lip quivered and I felt a need to punch myself in the gut. I’d finally done it. I made her cry.
I was an asshole.
“I don’t paint anymore,” she blurted out suddenly.
“What? Why?” This was totally not the direction I expected the conversation to go.
She wrung her hands awkwardly and took a deep breath. An inner battle between my conscience and curiosity raged inside of me. I wanted to save her the pain and tell her that she didn’t need to tell me anything. But my curiosity won out, and once again I found myself being the selfish bastard I’d always been.
“In high school I was…braver.” Her voice sounded meek, like a young child admitting something wrong. “I hadn’t yet experienced how mean the world could be and because of that, I was okay being myself.”
My eyebrows furrowed together. “What are you talking about?”
“I had you…and Stephanie,” she added quickly. “You both made me feel as if I could be anything without repercussions and it’s probably why I tagged along with you so much. Once I was in college—”
“You mean after I left,” I offered glumly.
“That too.”
She spilled out her heart and soul to me, explaining how her self-doubts led her down a path she hated. Had I been a musician or someone creative, I would have bottled up all her melancholic woes and set it free into a song. It was probably horrible to say so, but there was something so beautiful in sadness. The way her voice trembled at the end of her sentences gave her a slight vibrato—a soft song in a harsh world. But none of it felt right. She may have been beautiful in her pain, but she was even more beautiful in happiness.
I pouted slightly and took a deep breath. “Is that the reason you’ve become so…”
“So what?”
“Complacent. With work and with Ethan.”
“What is your obsession with him?” She exposed her palms as if begging me for any bit of information.
But I wasn’t ready to give anything away just yet.
Rocky rolled her eyes and sighed. “Anyway, I do miss the rush I got when I painted, but I guess I’m still too scared to try it again.”
“Were you ever scared of the stuff we did when we were younger?” I asked, masking another searing question: Was I really the monster your parents thought I was?
She threw her head back and chuckled. “Sneaking out? Jumping into your mom’s car at fifteen and driving without a license? Yes, I was petrified.”