“Well, that’s kinda selfish.”
“What was I supposed to do, Rocky?” I demanded.
“I don’t know, maybe you shouldn’t have thrown genitalia at my face?” she hissed back.
I glanced around horrified, certain that one of my prep cooks or dishwashers overheard her. “Can you keep it down? You do realize we’re at my job, right?”
“Like those rubber dildos weren’t showcased around mine?” She rolled her eyes and sneered. “Stop throwing double standards at me.”
I sighed, eyeing a cook who was obviously eavesdropping. “I’m sorry. I guess I just got caught up in the moment.”
“Funny, I remember saying that same line to somebody and not being believed.”
“About that…”
“Can we not talk about it right now?” she cut me off. “Can we just focus on why you were messing with me?”
I still couldn’t believe that she didn’t get it, though I really couldn’t blame her for still being pissed at the whole sex toy debacle. “Because we had fun! Because it felt like old times! Because even though you acted horrified I saw the hint of happiness in your eye each time we busted each other’s chops. You liked it as much as I did. You looked happier than you ever did when Ethan was around.” I gulped, needing to ask the one question jumping into the forefront of my brain. I didn’t know if I wanted to know the answer, but like water to a thirsty man I needed it badly. “Do you love him?”
She stared back at me stunned. “What?”
“Do you love him?”
She flinched. “I don’t know. It’s a little too soon for that, don’t you think?”
I knew I was pressing my luck, but I needed to call it as I saw it. “You know he’s not good for you, right?”
“Why not?”
Was she being serious right now?
“Haven’t you been listening to anything I’ve been telling you?” I waited for a response, but when I didn’t receive one I groaned in exasperation. “Fine. Do you want a tour?”
“Wait, what?” She looked at me as if I had grown two heads.
“Of my restaurant. This conversation is a bit heavy. I think we need a break.”
Chapter 28
I wasn’t sure if fate was throwing me a bone or somehow still fucking me over, but somehow in the few minutes we walked around the restaurant a huge snowstorm hit Bethel Falls and when I say huge, picture the abominable snowman taking refuge from Jack Frost. It was that horrible.
As I fought an internal battle between hormones, fear, happiness, and outright shock at the prospect that Rocky would have to sleep over at my apartment, she stared blissfully at the sketch hanging toward the back of my restaurant. It was the picture—her picture—that I stole from the art department. I hung the sketch in my restaurant not only because it reminded me of Rocky, but also because it reminded me not to be so reckless. Sometimes doing things to impress someone else could backfire on you. Impulsivity control wasn’t always my strong suit and this picture reminded me of that. Ironically, I was now faced with what had to be the biggest test of my impulsivity. Rocky would be staying at my place…I needed to be careful.
“You ready?”
“For what?” She quickly looked away from the sketch, her head snapping in my direction like a rubber band.
“I guess my restaurant isn’t the only thing we’ll be touring tonight,” I had the audacity to joke. “Let’s get some pizza and head over to my apartment.”
“Your apartment,” she repeated in a blank tone.
“Are you my echo?” I strained to keep the smile on my face, but I was nervous as hell. Rocky didn’t say anything more and abruptly turned toward the door.
Shit. Tonight was gonna be some test.
***
Do you know those moments in life when the air around you feels so thick in awkwardness that you could almost cut through the tension with a butter knife? Those moments don’t hold a pickle to our “cozy pizza dinner.”
I took my time, biting into each piece slowly and carefully, acting as if I were savoring every morsel of pepperoni. I was stalling, trying hard to distract myself from a subject that was bound to come up—sleeping arrangements. I wasn’t stupid. I knew Rocky probably wanted nothing to do with me at this point. I’ve pulled her through the ringer, playing with her mind and emotions since high school. Yet I was a man, and as a man I could not help the visceral reaction that catapulted inside of me every time I looked into those big brown eyes of her.
In another world I’d be looking into those eyes while her legs were wrapped around my waist and her arms around my neck. I’d lean forward and press kisses against her clavicles, working my way down to her breasts and then further to…
Fuck! What was I doing?
Throat suddenly feeling parched, I practically shouted, “Did you want something else to drink?”
“I’m sorry?” Rocky jumped. Shit. Of course I’d startle her.
Racking my brain for a response, I heard myself say, “I only have water here. I forgot to ask if you wanted a beer or something.”
“I don’t drink like that.”
Good girl.
“Funny, me too.” I reached for a napkin, rubbing the square paper hard against my skin. I figured any momentary sting of pain may shock my body enough so that I wasn’t sporting a chub at half-mast. Lord knows I didn’t need the dinner to be even more awkward that it already was. Begrudgingly, I asked, “You tired?”
Even speaking the words caused my mouth to dry up like a California drought. I quickly reached out and grabbed my water, taking my time and relishing each drop of liquid, reveling in the way it moistened my throat. Gulp after gulp it soothed me. Finally feeling like myself again—not to mention the fact that my boner had finally gone away—I glanced over at Rocky, who looked as still as a statue. Her mouth was pressed together in a tight line and her eyes were…well, they were staring at me as if I had grown two heads. I frowned at her, wondering if the drive down had gotten her sick or something.
She blinked a few times and quickly asked. “Where can I sleep?”
Oh, she’s just tired.
As if on cue her beautiful eyes began to droop. She turned toward my couch and lifted her index finger. “I can sleep over here.”
As tempted as I was to lock myself in my room and relieve myself all night, I knew I was better than that. “No. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t have the decency to offer you my bed?”
Saying the word ‘friend’ pained me to no end. I was grasping at straws and I knew it. She wasn’t a friend. She never was and she would never be…she was the love of my life. As much as I denied it and pushed her away, she would always have that place in my heart.
She blushed and for a moment I wondered if she was able to read my mind. Laughing lightly, she shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I really don’t mind sleeping on the couch. Believe me, I’ve slept on worse.”
My eyebrows furrowed. Worse? She didn’t deserve anything but the best. “No, I insist. It’s my fault we’re stuck here and the least I could do is make sure you’re comfortable.”
I was worried that I’d have to drag her in there myself, but if I did there was no guarantee that I’d be able to drag myself out. Luckily she bowed her head and agreed. “Sounds great.”
By the time I led her to my bedroom, my palms were slippery from sweat. I practically threw some pajamas at her before rushing out of the room. By the time I made it into the living room I was panting like a wild animal. Seeing her there, in one of my most private of spaces…imagining her lying on my bed wearing my clothes. It was all too much. I was in desperate need of a cold shower, but of course the only full bath would be in my room.