This is wrong, Jesse. Stop it.
As if a light bulb switched off in my head, I carefully pushed her off me and wriggled myself toward the arm of the couch. Common sense still won out against everything else.
“What’s wrong?” Her chest heaved up and down, and if I wasn’t mistaken, I could make out the thrashing of her pulse against the crook of her neck. It mimicked the pounding of my own heart.
I swallowed. “That…was great.”
She smiled a bit arrogantly, but that smile soon washed off her face. She looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to say more.
I bowed my head slightly. “But I promised myself I’d never drag you down with me.”
“Huh?”
“I wanted to do this for a long time. A very long time,” I admitted.
She raised her hand in confusion. “So why…”
Though it was torture keeping my feelings to myself, it was even more painful saying it out loud. “Because I always thought I wasn’t good enough for you. You deserve a good guy like Ethan. I mean, I hated him from the moment I saw him because he was who I wanted to be in more ways than one.”
She rolled her eyes. “If this is about being privileged—”
“It’s not. You deserve somebody your parents want for you. A person who’s stable—”
“You’re stable!” She cut me off with irritation. “Isn’t that the reason why you brought me here? To show me that?”
I bit my lip and allowed my eyelids to fall slightly. As hard as I tried to fight it, I couldn’t help but let the feelings of insecurity once again wrap its ugly claws around my heart. “Can you clarify something for me?”
“Uh, yeah, I guess so.” She blinked, frowning heavily.
“Everything you did with me in high school…you did it because you wanted to, right? Not because you felt sorry for me? Not because in some way you were trying to get back at your parents for smothering you?”
I need to know this. As much as I don’t want to know it, I need it.
Her eyes widened in understanding. “Of course I did it because I wanted to. I told you that from the start.”
I shook my head. “But you said it was to protect me. That means you felt sorry for me.”
“No, it doesn’t.” Her eyes darted around as if she were piecing together erratic thoughts. When they landed on me once again I saw a determination in them that I was most grateful for. “What about New Year’s Eve? I kissed you then, didn’t I? That wasn’t me feeling sorry for you.”
I felt my cheeks warm. “I know I gave you a hard time about that, but I guess I was desperate to hide how much it meant to me…especially if you only did so because you were trying to find an excuse to dump Ethan.”
“Would you stop mentioning him?” She just about groaned.
Remembering Sloan, I felt a familiar twinge of anger and embarrassment. “Wouldn’t be the first time I was used to make a boyfriend jealous, but it would be the first time I felt hurt about it.”
She looked horrified. “You know I wouldn’t do that. I kissed you that night because—”
“Because you were caught up in the moment.” Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it before.
“No…” Her voice dropped by octaves. She visibly swallowed and pressed her lips together before answering. “I mean, I was, but only in the way that it gave me the courage to do something I’ve always wanted to do.”
I watched silently as she fidgeted. Though I wanted nothing more than to take her right then and there, I knew it wouldn’t be right. She seemed so…lost. Ignoring my pent up frustration, I mentally prepared myself to put an end to all this, but my dear Rocky was once again full of surprises.
Her voice was no longer small and meek, it sounded empowered. With blazing eyes she cooed, “Just like I’ve always wanted to do this,” before nudging her petite body against mine. Momentarily caught by shock, I quickly regained my focus, plunging my tongue into her mouth. Grabbing onto whatever part of her body I could, I massaged her skin in time with how my tongue caressed hers.
Sweet. Just like I always knew it would be.
I soon lost myself to the rhythm of her light touches, groaning each time she grabbed onto my hair, pulling lightly as if she were afraid I’d run away.
Not this time.
Then just like that, I froze. Once we hit this point of no return, there really was no going back for me. I couldn’t spend another five years denying what my heart wanted. “Rocky…you know that…I mean, you could tell that…”
“Jesse, you’re making me nervous right now. What’s wrong?” Her mouth trembled in worry.
I lifted my chin and sighed. “You know this isn’t just messing around to me, right?”
“Huh?”
“I know I was giving you a hard time about using me, but you know I didn’t mean it.”
“Uh, yeah. Of course not.”
I had to tell her. There was no more holding back. “You know I…I always loved you, right? I have always loved you. From the moment your dorky self said, ‘Hi, welcome to our bio group,’ to the day we sat on those bleachers and said goodbye. I have never stopped thinking about you.”
The words tumbled out of my mouth so effortlessly. How? After all those years denying them, it was as if my words took on a life of their own.
They were cultivated in a prison. Your words are free now. Keep them rolling.
And keep them rolling I did. By the time I was finished exposing my heart and soul, I was sure Rocky wanted nothing more than to turn away.
She didn’t.
“I’ve always loved you too. I think you’ve always known that, though.”
Happiness was never meant for me. I knew it. My mother knew it. My dad knew it. It was the reason I kept Rocky on a string—a self-fulfilling prophecy of loss and despair. Yet at that moment it was as if the heavens opened up and blessed me with some sort of miracle. She still loved me. I wasn’t stupid enough to deny the fact that I didn’t deserve her love, but I wasn’t about to throw the God given gift away. Not again.
Her head tilted toward mine, her warm breath bathing my lips, soothing the ache in them. I brought her close to me, taking my time to take in her beauty.
I can’t believe this is finally happening.
All nerves and worry out the door, bravery took hold of me. Sticking out my tongue, I carefully ran it over her lips, relishing the sweet taste of cherry with a slight tinge of salt. Soon Rocky was beneath me, kneading my back through my shirt. I was desperate to feel her skin against mine, with nothing hanging between us.
Pesky shirt.
As if hearing my thoughts, Rocky tugged at my tee, grunting softly as she tried to slide it up.
“Having trouble?” I snickered.
“Actually, yes.”
First comes stripping and next comes…
I gulped. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
I just want to hear it out loud.
Her fingers twisted around my shirt. “Yes, I trust you.”
Trust. If that wasn’t the best aphrodisiac ever. My cock throbbed against my pants and I knew there was no way I could stand being clothed one second longer.
Shirt off now.
My breaths quickened, feeling the cool air hit my bare chest. My throat strained to swallow as I gazed down at her beautiful eyes, which watched me hungrily. I was just as starved. “Your turn.”
She attempted to lift her arms, but before she could even move I impatiently pushed her shirt up to her neck. Expecting some frilly underwear I was pleasantly surprised to find two rosy pink nipples staring back at me. I licked my lips, preparing to take each bud into my mouth. “No bra?”
“Can’t sleep with that contraption binding me.”
Good.
Her olive-toned torso beckoned to me and like a moth to a flame, I dove in, flicking my tongue against her nipples and appreciating the way they hardened under my touch. I felt her fingers stroke against my crotch, but I shifted away. “Let me do this first. I’ve always imagined how it would be to taste you.”