“What?” I grabbed her hands with a death grip, worried that reality was once again flooding around us.
“Is this why you asked me to meet you here? Is this the beginning of the end all over again?”
Was it? What was next for us?
I didn’t have an answer for any of those questions so I replied with what has got to be the stupidest thing of all. “We tried, Rocky.”
Her eyes darkened angrily. “Did we? Because it seems to me all we did was mess with each other’s minds, say we loved each other and…”
“Sleep together?” I asked quietly.
“Yeah. How is that trying?” She sighed.
I glanced down at our interlocked fingers. Even in the cold night, everything seemed so warm and perfect with her. It seemed so simple. So why wasn’t it?
Feeling a surge of anger, I decided to give a big ‘fuck you’ to the universe. With a vice grip still around her, I pressed, “Let me ask you this, what do you want us to be?”
“I…I don’t know how to answer that.”
Nope, she was not getting out of this one. “Let me rephrase the question. Did you just want us to be a one-night fuck or something that means a lot more?” I let out a slight breath when she tore her hands away from mine.
“You know the answer to that,” she snapped accusingly.
“Well, the feeling’s mutual, Rocky.” I smiled at her softly and motioned between us. “I want this to work as much as you do, but how will that happen if we’re both not willing to budge? We’re both freaking stubborn. We always have been.”
A distant look filled her eyes, one of longing and sadness. Briefly shutting her eyes, she shrugged her shoulders slightly. “I don’t know what to do. How does any relationship happen? Honestly, I haven’t even been in one long enough to know how it all works.”
“What do you mean?” I asked glumly, thinking about Ethan.
“I’ve dated, yes. I’ve tried to make things work. Nobody ever lived up to the image I had of you, though. Even Ethan…” She shook her head and let out a soft chuckle. “Even from a young age I knew you were different. You made me feel things.”
“Horny?” I wagged my eyebrows up and down suggestively, laughing when she punched me in the shoulder.
“No! I mean, you made me feel like I was brave enough to do anything. You made me feel alive and passionate. I never had that excited feeling with anyone before. I felt…”
I squeezed her hand. “Like what?”
She swallowed visibly and looked up shyly. “That you complemented me well. Does that make sense?”
All at once my heart felt as if it awakened once more, its beat strengthened. “It does…”
“You’re leaving soon, aren’t you? That’s why you asked me here. To end things before they begin.”
Images of my packed bags flooded my brain. I would be leaving soon. It was always the plan and as a responsible adult it was also something I had to do. Now as I stared into Rocky’s big brown eyes I realized it wasn’t something I wanted to do anymore. But that’s how it always was, right? Once you’re an “adult” or whatever the fuck that word meant, you’d be forced to do things you didn’t want to do for the greater good.
Fuck being an adult.
I shook my head profusely. “No, it’s not. I asked you here so we could put an end to the bullshit we’ve been feeding each other and actually build on a beginning. I don’t expect you to move right away, nor would I want you to expect me to move back.”
“So what do you want? Is this goodbye or not?” she asked almost desperately.
My throat felt dry and scratchy as I forced the following words out: “It’s a see you later.”
A sheen of water glassed over her beautiful eyes. Her nose began to redden and though I wanted nothing more than to place a soft kiss on top and tell her it would be okay, I was not a fortune teller; I didn’t know if it would or not.
“When are you leaving?” she squeaked.
Initially tonight. “Tomorrow.”
“So soon?” she ground out.
I swallowed. “I have a business.”
Her voice wavered. “I know…it’s just hard to think of you like this.”
“Like what?”
“Not the Jesse from high school.” I could almost hear the pride in her tone.
I gently grabbed onto her body and turned her toward me. “I still think we’re the same people deep down. Better in most ways, but the same in some. That being said, I think you’re right. Despite our history I think we need to get to know each other again. The people we are now.”
“Jesse Tyler is actually agreeing with me?” She giggled softly.
“What I’m saying is that we can continue this, but we’d have to do it the right way. We both can’t expect something gargantuan just yet. It’s not fair to either of us.”
“So what does this mean for us?”
I paused for a beat. “I guess it means we take it slow. Do the long distance thing for a while, and maybe if things turn out well, we’ll figure out what we want to do.”
“Maybe?” she practically sneered.
“When things turn out well.”
She looked down at her feet, leaving me guessing what she was thinking.
Look at me, Rocky. What’s going on in that mind of yours?
After an excruciating few seconds, she finally spoke. “Take it slow, huh? I guess that’s smart. Like I said, sometimes I feel like I know you so well and other times I don’t.”
“I think that would be the most responsible thing to do, right? The most adult?” Again, I say fuck being an adult!
“Yeah, I guess…Wow.”
“What?” I lifted an eyebrow.
A mischievous expression washed over her face. “I kissed, attacked you, and slept with you before an official date. Seems to me that I don’t know the meaning of taking it slow. Guess grown-up Rocky is a vixen, isn’t she?”
“Oh, you have no idea.” I grinned and ran my fingertips along her cheeks—the way only I would touch her. We were going to be fine. I was sure of it…
Now, I could tell you what we did afterwards—go into detail about our promising kiss or the way we joined together. Hell, I already told you about that night in our apartment! However, this one was different. Not that our first time sleeping together wasn’t anything short of special and wonderful, but this…this was unlike anything I’ve experienced before. Whereas the first time was admitting to something we’d both kept secret for years, this time was a promise of love, hope, and a future. I wouldn’t feel right going into detail about that, but I will tell you something I told Rocky…
There we lay, cramped up in the backseat of my SUV, fearing the time as the seconds ticked by. Rocky sunk her fingertips into my back and sighed. “I feel bad though. I love you…why can’t I just pick up and go?”
I gazed into her eyes and bit back the lump forming in the back of my throat. “It’s because you’re afraid I’ll cut you off again. It’s because you’re comfortable here. There are many reasons why, and you know what? It’s okay to feel them. It doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
“But now we have to be apart again,” she reminded me.
“I have enough faith in us to make it through this minor hiccup,” I replied nonchalantly.
“How can you be so sure?”
As I gazed down at the woman I love, I couldn’t be any more sure. “Because after the expulsions, overbearing parents, five years of silence, and two hundred miles between us, we’re finally doing this right here, right now.”
“Fucking?”
“Making love. And Rocky, that love is going to be what’s going to get us through it. It’ll close the distance, and more importantly, it’ll help me keep my promise.”
Chapter 33
After six months of dating long distance, I couldn’t believe the day had finally come. Rocky was moving in with me! She was actually, ‘boxes-piled-high-in-my-car’ driving to Charleston for good!