“That’s precisely what I need.”
“The firm’s going to reimburse me for tuition, so I can get back into law school. When I pass the bar, a lawyer position is waiting for me. Is that dreamy or what?”
“Yes it is. Now, that first night with the woman from the party was no problem, but then she wanted to meet me again at a motel. Somehow, I just ignored the entire age thing. When she showed up in that tiny thong, I should have known something was going on. But I was too eager.”
“Excuse me, you were asking about me. You didn’t hear a word I said.”
“I heard you, sounds great. The second time we were at a motel. But it’s not what you think. I don’t mean it was the second time at the motel. I mean, the second time we got together was the first time at the motel. Then I talked to the murdered guy. Before he was murdered, of course. The police didn’t understand at all.”
“Imagine that.”
“I’ve got a big problem Sandy.”
“If you’ve no friends to call when you’re in trouble, you have an even bigger problem. Everyone needs someone they can phone at 4 a.m.”
“You’re right—this call isn’t going too well is it?”
“Raymond, where were you when I was in trouble?”
“Good grief that was ten years ago, more. Can’t you get passed that?”
“Yes, I should get over it but I haven’t. I’ll work on it. You sit there in jail, and I’ll work on it.”
Silence.
Was she gone? “Sandy, you still there?”
“Are you convicted yet?”
“I was afraid you’d hung up.”
“The longest conversation with my brother in my entire life, and I should hang up?” Her voice had softened somewhat. “Other than being arrested and facing execution, how do you like Florida?”
“Dad and I loved your humor,” he said. “We’d fall off our chairs and mom never got it. I should phone you just to get a laugh.”
“You’re talking about earlier, before you finked me out to the cops for supposedly doing drugs.”
“I didn’t report you, mom did. She called some teen hotline. That started it.”
“Geez Louise, you ratted me out to mom and I landed in juvy rehab!”
“Wasn’t like that. I was leaving for college and my little sister was doing her best to ruin her life. I was worried about you. I thought if mom was aware of what was going on, the family could talk about it. But she imagined you acting out scenes from Reefer Madness and she wigged out, called Juvenile Hall or someplace.”
“Okay, so I was kind of bent, did a little grass, maybe some pills. Nothing heavy. I tried some junk because it was new. Something to do.”
“You couldn’t wait to be eighteen. I was afraid you’d never make it. You stole from mom’s purse, tried to be a mall chick, boosted junk, smoke, and drank. Even stole a car and wrecked it.”
“I didn’t steal that car, but I did wreck it—not on purpose. Butchie Cooper couldn’t make out with me so his smooth-talking old daddy thought he’d give it a try. He thought I’d be thrilled and express my gratitude if he let me drive his brand new shiny silver Buick. So, I drove his brand new shiny silver Buick. The crash part was somewhat thrilling. He lost interest in me fast. Anyway, I was just a kid. Old lechers must look out for themselves.”
“You tried to win acceptance from some trashy older girls or whoever your model was.”
“You were my model. I was dying to be like my big brother. You were so cool, so self-assured, and so independent. I couldn’t wait to grow up so I could be just like you.”
“I was in a fog half the time. I didn’t know what I was doing.”
“You dated all the cool ones.”
“No, I didn’t. I had one girlfriend my entire junior and senior year, and she dumped me at the prom—actually, she dumped me on the way to the prom. She got out at a stoplight and into another guy’s car.”
“I didn’t know that. I thought you were so totally with it.
“I guess I’m not the person you imagined.”
“Raymond, why didn’t you come visit me in that so-called juvy rehab center in West Chester they sent me to? They were releasing kids three months early if somebody bothered to show up and claim them. Mom couldn’t deal with any of it. Try counting every hour for three months. Three extra fucking months, Raymond! Three more months doing shit work and trying to keep creepy counselors off me, because you couldn’t be bothered to stop by and sign me out. I showed your picture to everyone there: this is my big brother, he’s really great, he’s going to come and get me out of here just as soon as he can.”
“I never dreamed it was that way.”
“Buddy you don’t know. Someone should investigate that place. Some psychology grad student set it up with a grant. It was a sham. No rehab going on there. I did ATP just once. That’s what the girls called, ‘Assume the Position.’ This one counselor took a special interest in me because I was the new stuff. That’s how they talked, ‘Did you get some of that new stuff?’ On my first turn, I stood up and kicked him hard. He couldn’t move fast enough with his pants down around his hairy ankles. I missed but I never had to touch him. After that, whenever he looked at me that way I’d chomp my teeth together. He left me alone, but made it tough. That’s what your little sister was doing while you skipped down yellow brick road.”
“A nightmare, you’re really hurting.”
“Every now and then when I’m out on my job, waiting in some law office or something, I’ll use my laptop to keep track of the bastard’s whereabouts. He moved to Delaware, but I know exactly where he lives, even driven past his house. I know his wife’s name, kid’s names, and know where he works. If I ever get my law degree, I’m going after him—payback time. I’ve made that vow to myself for the other girls. It’s there in the back of my mind. Sort of like on my permanent to-do list: start cooking, learn French, and nail that counselor.”
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I knew you were in that rehab place and I made no effort to visit you. I was in college and facing a bunch of junk in my own life I believed was heavy. I’ve thought about you in that place over the years, but it was too late. Perhaps that’s why I’ve been avoiding you, trying to block it out, hoping I’d never have to deal with it. We’ve talked since, over the years, you never mentioned any of this.”
“Geez, you talked about the weather and asked how my car was running. Every time we spoke, all you could think of to say was how’s my damn car. You probably don’t remember the color of my hair, but you know about my cars. Do I wear glasses?”
“What?”
“Do I wear glasses, yes or no?”
“Glasses? Yes, ah no, I don’t think so.”
“I rest my case. You’d walk right past me on the street. Somehow, I have it my mind that there are things you should just know about your sister. That’s a stretch for you isn’t it.”
“I’m sorry Sandy, but there are years between us. It’s not like we were joined at the hip.”
“But I thought we were at least friends. Don’t you get it? We were born friends. You just don’t want to connect with me.”
“When I get this behind me, I’m going to make it up to you. Can you forgive me?”
“Forgive you? How about I just forget you?”
Ray said nothing.
“I know you’re in a deep hole down there, and I don’t mean to minimize it.” The irony of him now being the one in trouble didn’t escape her, but maybe she was being too harsh. Nevertheless, it was unfair of him to ask. “I can’t leave, Raymond. I’ve worked hard for this job and I’m not going to screw it up.”
“You’re right, don’t screw up your job. Somehow I thought….”