“Dad?”
He jerked up and hit his head on a piece of metal. Rubbing the injured spot, he pulled himself out from the confined space and looked over at the opening to the area below. Mikki, her hair plastered back on her head, was staring back up at him.
“Mik, are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Dad.”
He scrutinized her. “You’re wet.”
“It’s raining.”
He looked out the window. “Oh. I guess I came out here before it started.”
“Can I come up?”
He gave her a hand and pulled her into the small space.
As she drew closer, he said, “It looks like you’ve been crying. Liam didn’t—”
“No, Dad. It has nothing to do with him. Liam was great. We had an awesome date. I... I really like him. A lot.”
Jack relaxed. “Okay, but then why...?”
She took her dad’s hand and drew him over to a narrow ledge that ran the length of the room under the window. They sat.
“We need to talk.”
“What about?” he said warily.
“What happened with Mom, you, me. Everything, basically.”
“Now?”
“I think so, yeah.”
Jack wiped his hands with a rag and tossed it down.
“Look, I know you guys think it’s crazy what I’m doing out here. And hell, maybe it is.”
She put a hand on his arm to forestall him. “No, Dad, I don’t think it’s crazy.” She paused. “Jenna talked to me about some things.”
“What things?” Jack said abruptly.
“Like how you’ve basically been through hell and we all need to cut you some slack and that everybody grieves in their own way.”
“Oh.” Jack looked over at the lighting apparatus and then back at her. “I’m trying to get through this, Mikki; I really am. It’s just not easy. Some days I feel okay; some days I feel completely lost.”
Mikki’s face crumpled, and she began to sob as she poured her heart out. “Dad, I was just so scared when you were sick. I didn’t know how to handle it. So I just thought if I ran away from it all, I wouldn’t have to deal with it. It was selfish. I’m so sorry.”
He put his arm around her heaving shoulders and let her cry. When she was done, he handed her a clean rag to wipe her eyes.
“Mikki, you are one smart kid, but you’re also only sixteen. You’re not supposed to have all the answers. I’m thirty-five and I don’t have all the answers either. I think people need to cut you some slack too.”
“But I still should have known,” she said, another sob hiccuping out of her.
He stroked her hair. “Let me tell you something. When my dad was dying, I did pretty much the same thing. At first I was sad, and then I was scared. I would go to bed at night scared and wake up scared. I would see him walking around in his pajamas in the middle of the day. He was just waiting to die. No hope. And this was a big strong guy I’d always looked up to. And now he was all weak and helpless. And I didn’t want to remember my dad like that. So I just pushed everything inside. And I tuned everyone out. Even him. I was selfish too. I was a coward. Maybe that’s why I went into the military. To prove that I actually had some courage.”
She looked at him with wide, dry eyes. “You did, honest?”
“Yeah.”
“Life really sucks sometimes,” Mikki said, as she sat back and wiped her nose.
“Yeah, sometimes it really does. But then sometimes it’s wonderful and you forget all about the bad stuff.”
She looked down, nervously twisting her fingers.
“Mik, is there something else you need to tell me?”
“Will you promise not to get mad?”
Jack sighed. “Is that a condition of you telling me?”
“I guess not, but I was only hoping.”
“You can tell me anything.”
She turned to face him and drew a long breath. “I was the one who talked to that gossip paper.”
Jack gaped at her. “You?”
Fresh tears spilled down Mikki’s cheeks. “I know it was so stupid. And it got completely out of hand. Most of the junk he wrote he just made up.”
“But how did you know about any of it?”
“I overheard you and Mom talking the night she died. And I saw what that jerk Bill Miller did.”
“But why would you talk to a tabloid? You know what those papers do. It made your mom look...”
“I know. I’m so sorry, Dad. It was so totally stupid. I... I don’t know why I did it. I was confused and angry. And I know you probably hate me. And I don’t blame you. I hate myself for doing it.” All of this came out in a rush that left her so out of breath she nearly gagged.
Jack put his arms around her and drew her to him. “Just calm down. It doesn’t matter anymore. You messed up. And you admitted to it. That took a lot of courage.”
Mikki was shaking. “I don’t feel brave. I feel like a shit. I know you hate me. Don’t you?”
“It’s actually against the law for a dad to hate his daughter.”
“I’m just really, really sorry, Dad. Now that my head’s on right about things, it just seems so stupid what I did.”
“I don’t think either of us was thinking too clearly for a while.”
“Will you ever be able to forgive me? To trust me again?”
“I do, on both counts.”
“Just like that?”
He touched her cheek. “Just like that.”
“Why?”
“Something called unconditional love, honey.”
52
Jenna looked up from the counter at the Little Bit to see Jack standing there.
She smiled. “I heard the kids had a fabulous time.”
“Yeah, Mikki’s still gushing about it.”
“You want something to eat? Steak sandwich is the special.”
“No, I’m good. Look, I was wondering if you had time tonight for some dinner.”
Jenna came from behind the counter to stand next to him.
“Dinner? Sure. What did you have in mind? Not here. Even I get sick of the menu.” She smiled and then turned serious. “Hey, I can cook for you.”
“I don’t want you to have to do that.”
“I love to cook. It’s actually therapeutic. But you’ll have to be my sous chef.”
“What does that mean?”
“Slicing and dicing mostly.”
“I can do that. But can you get away from this place?”
“For one night, yes. Practically runs itself these days, and my number one son will be here, along with your daughter. I don’t think they even need me anymore. Say around seven thirty?”
“Okay, great.”
“Anything in particular you want to talk about?”
“A lot of things.”
When Jack got to Jenna’s house that night, music was on, wine was poured, and scented candles were lit.
“Don’t be freaked out by any of this,” she said as she ushered him in. “I just like to be comfortable. I’m not going all Sex and the City on you.” She eyed him. “You look nice.”
He looked down at his new pair of jeans, his pressed white collared shirt, and a pair of pristine loafers that were pinching his feet. Then he looked at her. She had on a yellow sundress with a scalloped front and was barefoot.
“Not as nice as you,” he replied. “And can I go barefoot too? These new shoes are killing me.”
When he looked at her feet, she smiled. “You go for it. When I was a kid, my mom had to force me to wear shoes. Loved the feel of the grass on my feet. I think one reason I moved to the Deep South is because not many people wear shoes down here.”
She led him into the kitchen and pointed to a cutting board and a pile of vegetables and tomatoes next to it. “Your work awaits.”