Tyler stared into her soft brown eyes. Hell. He felt as if she was looking right inside him and it made him want to cover his eyes again. “I only half meant that. They don’t even know about us.”
“Well, explain that half then. Why?”
“Oh hell, Kaelin. You can figure it out.”
Her eyebrows slanted down and her pretty lips pursed. “No, I really can’t.”
He so did not want to talk about this.
“It’s not that big a deal,” he finally said. “My parents worshiped Avery, thought she could do no wrong. I was always a disappointment to them, because I wasn’t like her. I didn’t do that great in school. I was good at sports, but not good enough to satisfy them. They wanted both their kids to be getting awards, to be perfect. When I wasn’t perfect, they didn’t want anything to do with me. But when I got in trouble they were right there, all over that. After a while, I gave up trying to be as good as Avery. And I just tried to be….bad.”
“Oh.” Kaelin breathed out a soft sigh. “I see.”
He closed his eyes against the sympathy on her face and leaned back against the headboard, the covers pulled over his hips. Kaelin propped herself up on her elbows to look at him. “It’s not that complicated,” he added. “Typical sibling rivalry.”
“But you and Avery get along fine.”
“We do now. When I was younger, I blamed her. Then one time she stuck up for me with Mom and Dad, and I knew it wasn’t her fault. She was my big sister and she tried to look out for me, even though I was pretty much bent on self-destruction.”
Kaelin nodded thoughtfully. She glanced at Nick, who’d turned onto his side and rested his head on one hand while he listened. “I guess I get it,” she said.
“I was the loser younger brother,” Tyler added, hating the bitterness that edged his voice. He’d thought he was long over this, but this trip home had resurfaced a whole lot of crap. “The one who was never good enough. The one who embarrassed my parents constantly.”
“Not that that would take much,” Kaelin said dryly, and he looked at her with surprise. Their gazes connected and she smiled. “Your parents are pretty obsessed with their image in the community.”
“No shit,” Tyler said. His smile went crooked.
“For what it’s worth, I never thought you were a loser,” she told him softly. “Even when you were Avery’s little brother, I was totally intimidated by you.”
He snorted. “Intimidated?”
“You were super cool,” she said. “I envied you because you did whatever you wanted and didn’t seem to care what people thought.”
Tyler studied her pretty face, lifted a hand to push a long strand of hair back. “That kind of thoughtless disregard isn’t something to admire.”
“It was for me. You know how I am. I envied you for that. But when you made fun of me, I felt like a mouse, timid and afraid to do anything.”
“I made fun of you a lot, didn’t I.” He said it as a statement, a heavy feeling settling in his gut.
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry, Kaelin.”
“I know why you did it,” she said. “I guess I always sort of did.”
“You hit the nail on the head last night when you told me I was covering up my own insecurities by mocking other people. That was exactly what I did. But…” He glanced at Nick, took in his attentive expression. “I don’t do that as much anymore. Right?”
Nick smiled slowly. “Not quite as much, yeah.”
“This trip home has been tough,” Tyler added.
“You know, you could have a better relationship with your parents,” Kaelin said, rubbing over his pecs. God that felt good. “If you tried. Maybe if you talked to them.”
He shook his head. There was more to that than she knew, more than he had any intention of telling her. “Not gonna happen. They don’t want that either.”
“I think they do,” she said slowly. “Your mom talks about you all the time, Tyler. She bragged about you to me, about your degree, the great job you got in Chicago, now you opening your own business.”
“Because I’ve finally done something they can brag about,” he said bitterly. “They still don’t feel any differently about me.”
“I don’t think that’s true.”
“You heard my mom last night,” Tyler said. “She immediately jumped to the conclusion that I’d done something to piss you off, when you slapped me. And guess what? She was right.”
Kaelin pressed her lips together and said nothing. What could she say? It was true.
“I only came back for Avery,” he said. “Because she’s getting married and she wanted me here. I just want to get this damn wedding over with and get the hell back to Chicago.”
She nodded but her eyelids lowered and he wished he hadn’t expressed that quite so forcefully. Although they all knew this was definitely a one-night thing. It wasn’t as if she didn’t know he was leaving on Sunday. She’d said that herself.
She looked at Nick, then back at Tyler. “So your parents don’t know about you and Nick?”
Tyler’s mouth twisted. “I don’t think so, but I think they know something, or suspect it anyway. I don’t remember exactly when it happened, but back in high school, all of a sudden they didn’t want me hanging around with Nick anymore. Even though they’d always thought he was a good influence on me.”
“I tried,” Nick drawled.
Kaelin smiled.
“I think they knew something was going on and they wanted to put a stop to it before it got out and ruined their precious reputation.”
She nibbled her bottom lip and nodded. “Hmm. Maybe.”
“We knew there were rumors going around about us,” Nick said.
“But we didn’t give a shit,” Tyler added. “In fact, at that point I kind of enjoyed the idea that my parents would freak out about it, like I said. I know it was immature. But Jesus, we were young and I was messed up.”
“Oh, Tyler. You couldn’t have been that messed up. Look at you now. You have a successful career and a relationship with a great guy.”
“It’s not a relationship.” Tyler didn’t look at Nick. “Just so you know. I mean, yeah, we live together and we fool around and stuff, but…”
“We still date women,” Nick added. “Well, Tyler does more than I do. Someday he’s going to meet the right woman and he’ll get married and…” His voice trailed off but he smiled. “Right, Tyler?”
Tyler knew Nick’s feelings for him were different than his feelings for Nick. He loved the guy, and yeah, there was sexual attraction, and Nick knew him better than anyone in the world and loved him despite that. But Tyler knew himself too, and knew if he was going to fall in love, the forever kind of love—and that was a big if—it was going to be with a woman. Nick accepted that, and though they’d never had any kind of deep discussion about it, Tyler kind of suspected Nick hoped that was never going to happen. It was one of those deeply awkward, uncomfortable topics they successfully avoided ever having to discuss, though it always lurked there below the surface.
“Right.” He met Kaelin’s eyes. “I know it sounds weird, but that’s the way it is for us.”
“I can’t say I totally understand,” she said, but she smiled. “But I don’t think any kind of love can ever be bad. If you care about each other, that’s all that matters. Thank you for telling me about that. I’m honored that you trust me enough. And thank you for sharing each other with me tonight.”
Tyler’s heart tightened at her words. She was thanking him. Jesus god, what had he done to deserve thanks? He reached for her and hauled her onto his lap, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her, long and desperate and wild. Her hands slid into his hair and she kissed him back. When they finally moved apart, panting, they both looked at Nick.