“Pizza’ll be here in forty minutes,” he said. He threw himself onto the couch. “You ready to talk yet? I thought your head was gonna explode on the way home, you were thinking so hard.”
Tyler smiled reluctantly and sat beside Nick. “I don’t want to talk.”
“I know.”
Tyler eyed his buddy. “I did what you wanted me to.”
“Yeah.” Nick nodded. “You faced your parents, told them the truth.”
“I don’t think they believed me.”
Nick held his gaze. “You can’t control that. But at least you manned up and did your part.”
“Yeah.”
After a pause, Nick said, “What about Kaelin?”
“What about her?”
“You were pretty hard on her.”
“I was pissed at her! Why’d she do that, the stupid little idiot!”
“She’s not stupid. And you know why she did it.”
Tyler blew out a breath. “Yeah, I know, and like I said, she’s a stupid idiot to even think of doing something like that for me.”
Nick sighed.
Kaelin sat on the small deck off the back of her house on Monday, the house she’d grown up in, the house her parents had left her after they’d both died. She could have sold it, bought herself something that was her own, and in fact she wasn’t sure why she hadn’t. It was an older house and there were always things that needed fixing that she didn’t know how to do. Money had been tight with her dad not working and she’d had to do a lot of fixing up over the last few years.
Yeah, there were happy memories there, but there were some tough ones, too, the despair and frustration of realizing her dad was never going to be the same, the embarrassment of him acting like a child sometimes, so difficult to handle for a teenager who didn’t like to attract attention to herself. Eventually she’d come to terms with it, realized she still loved her dad because he was her dad, even though he was really a different person, and no longer felt embarrassed but just accepted him for who he was.
She’d have the memories of her happy childhood no matter where she lived, so that wasn’t the reason she didn’t sell the house and move. She knew it was just because she was safe and secure there, with a roof over her head that was paid for, and that selling the house and finding a new place was scary.
Taz leaped off the deck and tore after a squirrel who’d dared to enter his yard, his sharp little bark deceptively ferocious. He stood at the foot of the maple tree, barking so hard all four feet lifted off the ground. She smiled. “C’mere, Taz,” she called. “Come.”
Taz turned and trotted back to her, leaped lightly onto her lap and put his little front feet on her chest to try to kiss her. She turned her head and let him lick her chin, then picked him up and hugged his solid, furry little body. She closed her eyes then set Taz on the deck.
She picked up her glass of iced tea and sipped it. The grass needed cutting. One more thing that needed to be done. Sometimes she paid Dillon down the street to cut it for her. Maybe she should go see if he was home. Summer vacation and its long empty days had kids his age, too young for a job but old enough to want to make a little money, looking for things like that to do.
Maybe in a while. She still felt tired, so tired, after that crazy weekend. Much of it was emotional exhaustion, she knew. She hadn’t taken Avery’s advice yet, hadn’t let herself think about Tyler because…she was afraid.
Shaking her head, she rose to her feet. Never mind finding Dillon, she’d cut the grass herself. She needed to keep busy, her two weeks of vacation stretching out empty in front of her giving her a hollow aching feeling inside. Actually her whole life stretched out empty in front of her. And the hollow ache intensified. But as she stepped off the deck, Margot Wirth appeared at her gate.
“Hi, Kaelin.”
Kaelin’s feet halted in surprise. “Hi, Mrs. Wirth. How are you? Is there something you need?” She thought about wedding decorations and flowers and gifts…was there something she’d forgotten to do?
“No. Just to talk to you for a few minutes. If that’s okay.”
Kaelin studied Mrs. Wirth’s face, the tension in her mouth and at the corners of her eyes, the shadows beneath her eyes. “Of course.” This had to be about yesterday. Geez. Mrs. Wirth was probably angry at her for her part in that big scene. Great. “Can I get you something to drink? Lemonade? Coffee?”
“No thanks. I’m fine.”
“Let’s sit.” Kaelin indicated the wicker chairs on her deck.
Mrs. Wirth took a seat, setting her designer handbag on the deck. She clasped her fingers together in her lap. “How are you, dear? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” Kaelin hesitated. “How are you?” She regarded her friend’s mother with a touch of worry. Yesterday probably hadn’t been a real fun day at the Wirth home.
“I’m okay.” She gave a small smile. “I’m sorry that you got dragged into our family mess yesterday.”
Kaelin blinked. “Well. I sort of contributed to it.”
Mrs. Wirth’s smile went crooked. “You were very brave yesterday.”
Now Kaelin’s mouth fell open. “Um. Brave?”
“What you did was very…noble. For Tyler.”
“I just thought everyone should know the truth.”
“Yes. The truth is important.” She hesitated. “I want to tell you something. About me.”
“Okay.” Kaelin eyed her.
“When I was twenty, I got pregnant. With Avery. It was an accident. I was in college. Ken was much older and he insisted we get married. He wanted me to drop out of college and stay home with the baby. I was young, and in some ways, it was nice to have someone look after me, and Avery. Ken was a doctor and he made good money and I thought it would be a good life, married to him.”
Kaelin processed all this, a little mystified, not sure what to say.
“And it has been a good life. I love my husband and I love my children. Once Avery was born, I just wanted to be the best mother I could be. But it wasn’t what I pictured my life to be, when I was a twenty-year-old college student. And despite everything I’ve had, I’ve often felt a little…empty. As if I wanted more, which I told myself was just selfish and greedy. Considering how much I had.” Again she paused, then met Kaelin’s eyes. “I see some of that in you.”
Kaelin sat back in her chair, dropping her gaze to her knees. “Oh. Well.”
“You don’t have to tell me about it,” Mrs. Wirth said quickly. “I know you’ve had to give up things in your life. I also know you’re happy here, in some ways. But, Kaelin, dear, if there are things in life that you want, you should go after them. Now. Before you’re fifty years old and wondering what you’ve done with your life.”
Like her? Kaelin’s head spun, her image of Mrs. Wirth being turned inside out. She’d always been so perfect, the perfect wife, the perfect mother, with the perfect home. The idea that Mrs. Wirth felt this way boggled the mind.
“I’m not sure what you mean,” she said, in a near-whisper.
“Yes you are.” Mrs. Wirth gazed at her shrewdly.
Kaelin wanted to squirm in her chair. Mrs. Wirth knew a lot about her, after the last couple of days. Things she never would have dreamed of telling her. And yet, still she looked at her with affection and understanding. Kaelin’s throat tightened.
“I can’t…I’m afraid,” she choked out.
“What are you afraid of?”
“I’m afraid because I want things I can’t have. And I’m afraid I want things I can have. And that scares me even more.”
“I don’t think you need to be as afraid as you are,” Mrs. Wirth said. “Are you worried about your job?”