«Silent John disappeared three winters ago.»
For a moment Whip was motionless. Then he shook himself as though he had been hit with a board.
He felt like he had.
«You’ve wintered alone here three times?» Whip asked harshly.
«Yes.»
Whip wanted to believe Shannon was lying, but he knew all the way to his soul that she wasn’t.
«Then Silent John must be dead,» Whip said.
Shannon nodded and closed her eyes. «He’s buried in a landslide up Avalanche Creek.»
«How long have you known?» Whip demanded angrily.
«I guessed he was probably dead the second winter. But I wasn’t truly certain until just a bit ago, when Cherokee told me she had backtracked Razorback to a fresh landslide when Silent John didn’t come back from the claims. His tracks went in, but none came out.»
«Then nothing’s holding you here but your own stubbornness,» Whip said.
«There’s nothing holding anyone to life but sheer stubbornness,» Shannon said wearily.
«You’re planning on staying here.»
Shannon nodded.
«Damn you!» Whip said roughly. «You’re trying to tie me down!»
«No! I’m just tell —»
«How can I leave you alone and helpless up here?» he asked, his eyes as hard as his voice. «I can’t and you know it! You’re counting on me to —»
«I’m not helpless!» Shannon interrupted. «I’m not counting on you for one damned thing! I don’t need you!»
A turmoil of emotions twisted in Whip, tightening his throat, making it raw. The cold he had felt in the stream was nothing to the freezing emptiness that came to him when he thought of Shannon lying dead in the high country, her grave as unmarked as Silent John’s.
«The hell you don’t need me,» Whip said in a low, savage voice. «You nearly died out there today.»
For the space of two long breaths, Shannon looked at the man who was so close to her, yet so very far away. Lantern light made his hair burn like the sun and turned the icy clarity of his eyes into a quicksilver mystery. Nothing had ever called to Shannon the way Whip did. She would have given the blood from her body to see herself reflected in his eyes, in his heart, in his soul.
She would have sold her own soul to be a distant sunrise calling his name…and to hear him answer.
«Yes,» Shannon said calmly. «I could have died. But so what? The stars would have come out tonight and the sun would have risen tomorrow morning. The only difference would be that I wouldn’t see it.» She smiled oddly. «Not much difference, really. About the same as this.»
Shannon lifted her hand from the water. Liquid swirled and then flowed back as though her hand had never been there, never known the pool’s warmth.
Whip looked at the dark water and felt a dull knife sawing through his soul, cutting him in two.
«See?» she asked softly. «No real difference. Now do what the water did, Whip. Let me go.»
«You’re still shivering.»
«I’ll be fine as soon as I get some clothes on.»
«The water is warmer than those rags you wear.»
The protectiveness of Whip’s arms around Shannon said much more than his words did. He didn’t love her, but he cared about her safety.
It was a heady feeling to be cared for, to be cherished, to know that she wasn’t alone, if only for a time.
The temptation to give in and rest her head against Whip’s chest undermined Shannon’s determination to stand alone. She longed to lean against Whip’s heat and strength, to pull him around her like a living blanket, to warm herself with his abundant fire.
And then she remembered what Whip had said the last time she reached out for him.
Don’t touch me.
Echoes of shame and humiliation swept through Shannon in waves. Abruptly she pushed at Whip’s arms, trying to get free of him.
«What the hell?» Whip asked. «Why are you fighting me? You act like I’m going to rape you!»
Shannon made a sound that was almost laughter and not quite a sob.
«You wouldn’t have to rape me and you know it,» she said bitterly.
A shudder went through Whip.
«Dangerous words, honey girl.»
«Why? You don’t want me. You can’t even bear my touch.»
The pain and shame in Shannon’s voice shattered Whip’s restraint. He moved suddenly, scattering water in all directions as he captured one of her hands. He dragged her hand below the warm surface of the water and pressed her fingers around the blunt, heavy proof of his hunger for her. His breath hissed in, then came out with a low groan.
«Now,» Whip said through his teeth, «tell me again that I don’t want you to touch me. I’d kill to have you and you damn well know it.»
Shocked sapphire eyes looked at Whip.
«Then why do you keep pushing me away?» Shannon asked raggedly. «I’m not asking you to love me. I’m not begging you to stay with me. I just want…I just want to be alive, reallyalive, before I die. I’m a widow who was never a bride, and if you don’t take me I’ll go to my grave without knowing what it is to give myself to the man I love.»
Abruptly Whip dragged Shannon’s hand free of his aching flesh and released her.
«I can’t,» he said.
Shannon gave a broken laugh and ran her hand back down Whip’s body.
«You most certainly can,» she said.
Whip’s breath hissed as Shannon explored the rigid evidence of his capability.
«You’re a virgin,» he said through his teeth.
«I’m a widow.»
«I could make you pregnant.»
«I’d love to have your child.»
«I couldn’t leave if you were pregnant,» Whip said. «Is that what you want? To force me to stay?»
«No. You would hate me.»
«I’d hatemyself. Oh, God…stop.»
Gently, relentlessly, Whip recaptured Shannon’s exploring hand and brought it to his lips. The kiss he gave her palm was fierce, edged with teeth. It sent a shaft of pure desire through Shannon’s body.
«What did you do with your other widows?» she asked in a husky voice.
A tinge of red appeared on Whip’s cheekbones.
«Honey girl, you ask the damnedest questions.»
«Were they all too old to get pregnant?» Shannon persisted.
Belatedly Whip realized that Shannon wasn’t asking for a detailed description of how he coupled with women. He let out a sigh, half laughing and half on fire at Shannon’s combination of innocence and breathtaking honesty.
«No, they weren’t too old to get pregnant,» Whip said. «They were old enough to know hownotto get pregnant.»
«Celibacy.»
The disappointment in Shannon’s voice made Whip ache with laughter and a reckless kind of passion he had never known before he met her.
«There are other ways,» he said.
«Truly? What are they?»
«Not coupling.»
«Sounds like celibacy to me.»
Whip’s smile was slow and very male. «Not quite, honey girl. More like half a loaf. Like you under the tarpaulin with hail hammering down.»
A shudder of memory and anticipation went through Shannon.
«Is that what you want?» she asked.
«It’s a hell of a lot better than nothing.»
«But…»
«But?» Whip asked, gathering Shannon closer.
«I want to touch you, too. I want to make the world catch fire around you,» Shannon whispered, remembering how it had been for her. «I want to watch you burn. I want to pleasure you until you cry out and the world goes a hot kind of black that’s shot through with all the colors of the rainbow.»
Whip’s heart kicked and blood slammed through his veins. He could barely force words past the heady rush of passion that was closing his throat.
«Did I make you feel like that, honey girl?»
«Yes,» she said in a low voice. «Only better. I don’t have words to tell you. Except…»