Evan looked over Ellie’s shoulder and finally spotted me.
“Home with Marie, so I brought your girl instead.” Ellie nodded towards me. His smile grew wide as his eyes lit up. It was the look he gave me whenever I walked into a room, and it never got old.
“Hey, beautiful! This is a nice surprise.” He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a soft kiss on the lips. I gripped his waist and hoped that he wouldn’t see me shaking.
“How are you feeling? Bundled up okay?” Evan rubbed his hands up and down my arms as though he was trying to warm me up.
“Yes, Daddy. I’m fine. I got sick of my apartment and worked from Starbucks to get some fresh air.”
Evan wiggled his eyebrows as he pulled me closer. “Daddy? If you’re trying to turn me on its working. Maybe I should spank you for having such a bad attitude.”
“Blech! Really? Where’s that Men in Black memory eraser for when a person hears shit like that? There’s an image I never wanted in my head.” Jack had one arm around Ellie and grabbed his stomach with his other hand as though he was about to be sick.
My stomach sank as I took in how much Jack had changed in only a matter of weeks. He’d definitely lost weight. His cheeks were pale and sallow, and his dirty blond hair looked almost white. Ellie was right, he looked so much older. Someone was pressing the fast forward button on his life.
I had a fantastic speech in my head. I was going to tell him that I loved him and that I would be strong for him just like the way he’d always been for me. I was going to make him believe that. But when I opened my mouth, nothing came out. Our eyes locked. The smirk on Jack’s face faded as he took a deep breath. He knew that I knew. No big reveal was necessary.
Since Ellie called that night, I tried hard to make peace with the fact Jack was dying. Looking at my cousin—his eyes still so full of life but his body breaking down—was a shock to my system I wasn’t prepared for. My knees buckled and Evan held me up.
“I’ve got you, Daisy,” Evan whispered in my ear, and I nodded without looking at him.
“Well?” Jack sighed and leaned back into the wall. Ellie’s lip quivered as she looked between us.
“Well? You look like shit.” My voice was shaky, but Jack laughed and shook his head.
“Well, I wouldn’t enter any beauty pageants if I were you, little cousin. Living off Wendy’s Frostys for a month and you still look like a stick.” I fought a smile as tears escaped the corners of my eyes. I peered up at Evan. He wiped away my tears with his thumbs and nodded his head. A sob ran through me, and after that they didn’t stop. Everything I’d been afraid of all these months was coming true. I was losing Jack. The one and only constant in my life, the man who never let me down, who protected me. I buried my face in Evan’s chest as I wept. I’d promised not to fall apart, yet I was in broken shards all over the floor.
“Hey.” Jack came up behind me and rested his chin on the back of my head. “It’s okay. I’m still here. And until I’m not, no tears, okay?” He kissed my temple and rubbed my shoulders. I didn’t turn around. My knees gave out again, but this time Jack caught me. Jack always caught me. What was I going to do without Jack? Crippling grief and panic ran through me at the same time. I ended up in Jack’s arms with Evan rubbing my back.
“Listen,” Jack pulled me off his chest so I could face him. “I have a request, and I can basically ask you whatever I want now and you can’t say no, you know that, right?” He was still a smartass, even now.
“Right.” I smiled in spite of myself. “What’s the favor?”
“This weekend, you and your boyfriend are going to baptize my son, and then we’ll have a nice big party where everyone will be happy, not weepy. We’ll have enough booze on hand to make that possible. A couple of weeks after that is Christmas. You’re going to help me enjoy the rest of my life by keeping things exactly the same. None of this . . .”
“None of this? Are you kidding? I’m supposed to pretend everything is fine and you’re not, you’re not going to . . .”
“Pretend I’m not dying? No, eventually you won’t be able to do that. Until that point, can we just all be us? Make some nice memories before . . . then? Can you do that for me?”
I shrugged. “I honestly don’t know, but I’ll try. That’s all I can do.” My crying finally slowed down, and Jack kissed my forehead before he let me go.
“Since you’re feeling better, how about coming home with us to see the baby. Your mother keeps urging him to reach his next milestone. Soon he’ll be getting a job and moving out.” I shook my head. That sounded like my mother, all right.
“Okay, let’s go.” I turned to Evan, then back to Jack. “Give me a minute?”
Jack nodded and squeezed my shoulder before he made his way outside with Ellie.
I buried my head in Evan’s chest as he rubbed my back.
“I handled that well, didn’t I? No wonder my entire family still treats me like a kid.”
Evan grabbed my shoulders and pushed me backward to meet his gaze.
“You handled it the way anyone else would have. If you weren’t upset, I’d be worried about you—well, even more than I usually am.” Evan smirked and I shook my head.
“He’s always been there, from the beginning. Through every bad boyfriend, flunked test, and evil friend who turned on me. I think of what life will be like without him, and I already feel so alone.” My voice cracked again.
Evan shook his head and pulled me close again. “You will never be alone. It’s you and me against the world. You’re my heart and my soul. That means you can never get rid of me. Ever. Understand?” He cocked an eyebrow at me.
I chuckled. “I expect you to run for the hills, not me.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and nuzzled into his neck. “You’re a hot as hell ex-hockey player with a panty-dropping voice. I’m staying put for as long as you’ll have me.”
Evan’s chest shook from laughter as he held me tighter. “And you are the beautiful girl I crushed on who grew up to be the gorgeous woman I fell in love with. Looks like we’re both stuck, right?”
I nodded. “See you at Jack’s later?” My tears had exhausted me but I found the energy to give Evan a smile.
He cradled my head in his hands and pressed his lips to mine. “Where you go, I go.” He kissed me again and I trudged out the door to meet Jack and Ellie.
So I would do it. Pretend everything was normal and okay and give my cousin my best in the last months of his life. The one thing I knew I couldn’t do was prep myself for losing Jack. No matter when I had to say good-bye, it would be one of the worst days of my life.
By the time Christmas came, I still felt like shit most days. I had days of almost no energy and the cough got so bad I needed an inhaler. There was no rhyme or reason to it. I’d feel great one day, then could barely get out of bed the next. Once I started getting random fevers at night, Evan begged me to please see another doctor. Natalie gave me the name of a doctor she liked and trusted at the hospital she worked in as a nurse, so the day before Christmas Eve I had close to ten vials of blood drawn. I was tested for everything, and Dr. Ramirez said she hoped to finally have an answer for me after the holidays.
I was worried, and frustrated as all hell that I still didn’t feel close to my normal self, but my thoughts were mostly of Jack, Ellie, and my aunt and uncle. It was tough to enjoy the last Christmas with someone we loved when we knew it was their last Christmas. My cheeks hurt from the happy face I forced. We all agreed this Christmas was a blessing and to focus on that. I mentally took bets as to who would break down first. My money was on me.