Evan grabbed the nape of my neck and covered my mouth with his. His fingers traced and pulled down the satin straps of my nightgown as he dragged hot open mouthed kisses down my neck and across my shoulders. I’d gotten a lot thinner since February, so the silky material fell off my body the second I pulled my arms out of the straps. The hungry look in Evan’s eyes made me shiver as he cupped my breasts and brought his lips back to mine. I fell back as he sucked my nipple into his mouth. My hips bucked off the bed as his tongue traced a circle around the rigid peak.
“So beautiful . . .” Evan whispered as he climbed on top of me and brought his hand between my legs. I whimpered as he slipped two fingers inside and rubbed his thumb over my clit.
“Always so wet. I’m so fucking hooked on you . . .” He pumped his fingers in and out as tears escaped the corners of my eyes. I turned my head to wipe them on my pillow before Evan noticed.
“Make love to me, Evan. Please . . .” I begged. I reached between us and glided my hand up and down his cock inch by inch.
A playful smile spread across Evan’s beautiful face. “You never have to say please, Daisy. I’m yours whenever you want me.” Not after tonight. I buried my head in his neck as he slid inside me. I shut my eyes so I could focus on how it felt. How he filled me so perfectly, moving his hips in just the right way to hit every sweet spot inside. We moved in perfect sync, as if we were meant for each other. We were, just not in this life.
I was getting closer much faster than usual. My body wanted to devour him while my heart preferred to savor the moment. However fast it passed by, I wanted all of it. I gazed into his eyes as the lower half of my body throbbed. As much as I tried to will it off, I fell over the edge quickly. Evan’s face contorted as he grunted through his release. I wouldn’t break eye contact. I wanted to freeze time because I knew the moment he wasn’t inside me anymore, he wouldn’t be—ever again.
The tears that I’d been trying to hold in became rolling sobs I couldn’t control. I quivered under Evan as I gasped for air. It felt like the end of the world—probably because it was.
“Daisy, what’s wrong? Did I . . . hurt you? Tell me.” Evan wiped away my tears as his hand caressed my cheek. I shook my head.
“I love you so much, it’s overwhelming sometimes.” Believe me now, Evan. Not when I tell you I don’t want to be with you anymore. Maybe telepathy worked if you tried hard enough. Thank God he didn’t almost propose again. The sobbing fit would have turned into an all-out nervous breakdown.
Evan smiled and kissed my cheek.
“I know the feeling all too well. I bought you a Frosty on the way home. It’s in the fridge if you want it. Did you eat today?”
He was so sweet, and so good—and so much better off without me.
“A little, but yeah that sounds good. I’ll split it with you.” I sat up and reached for my nightgown.
“I’ll bring it to you, my lady. Be right back.” He gave me a quick kiss on the lips before he slipped on his boxers and strolled out of my bedroom. I mentally added Frostys to the list, and would never drive past another Wendy’s if I could possibly help it.
Evan was everything good in my life, but I had to love him enough to let him go. If I’d learned anything in my lifetime, the more wonderful something was, the less time I got to keep it. The promise of a happy life with Evan had reached its expiration date.
Evan: Hey Daisy, you okay? Why are you so quiet lately?
Me: I’m busy. I don’t have free time to text all day anymore.
Evan: How are you feeling?
Me. Same as the last ten times you asked me. Fine. I’m in a meeting right now. I’ll get back to you later.
Evan: Yeah fine I’m sure. We’re talking later. I’ll be home early.
I was a nasty bitch. I snapped at Evan and rushed him off the phone. I sent short texts in response to the messages he sent hours later. I missed him so fucking much, and each day I put more and more distance between us. It’d been a week since our last time together. He would climb into bed thinking I was asleep, and I’d stay stiff as a board—when all I wanted to do was turn around and bury my head in his chest.
I was doing my damnedest to lose myself in the online banner I was designing when the lock clicked on my front door. My heart thudded in my ears. The moment I’d been dreading was finally here.
I didn’t look away from the computer screen as Evan walked in and sat next to me at my kitchen table. I could feel the anger and frustration radiating from him. As it turned out, I wasn’t such a bad actress after all.
“Paige. Could you fucking look at me when I’m in the same room? I know it’s too hard to text me anymore.” I slowly lifted my eyes and met Evan’s angry gaze. “What’s going on? Why are you being like this? Is it because of the long hours? I’m trying to find someone else to help manage the jobs but until then . . .”
“No, it’s not that. You’re not the only one who’s busy. I’m trying to concentrate during the day, so sorry if I can’t text you all day long.” I rolled my eyes for effect.
Evan let out a long sigh and shook his head. “You used to love it. You used to run up to greet me when I walked in, not sit there without looking up. You’re always busy, but never short and distant like this. Daisy, come on. Talk to me. Are you feeling okay? Did you eat today?” Evan leaned toward me to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear, but I jerked back.
“Fine. Jesus Christ. Look, I think we need a break. I have too much going on right now and I need to focus.”
“A break? Paige, where is this coming from? I love you . . . we love each other, we’ve been together almost a year. Why all of a sudden is it going too fast—”
“It just is, I need to be by myself now. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.” I took in a deep breath and shoved my quivering hands between my legs under the table.
Evan leaned back and narrowed his eyes at me. “I don’t buy that, Paige. I’m sorry. What the hell is really going on?”
“You’re smothering me. I need to be on my own for a while. I need your key back and you need to leave.” Evan winced at my lie. He brought his fist to his mouth as his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. He laughed humorlessly and turned to me. Maybe I could have kept him just a little longer, but it was harder and harder to hide how sick I was. The hard glare in his eyes and the tic in his jaw confirmed I’d accomplished what I set out to do. I was dying inside, but it was the only way.
“Smothering you. Do you know how much I worry about you all goddamn day? How fucking scared I’ve been all these months you’ve been sick? So sorry if loving you got on your nerves.” He shot up from his seat and dug his keys out of his back pocket.
“You want your key back? Here!” Evan threw my key on the table so hard it bounced to the floor. I’d been upset over past relationships before, but nothing had ever been as painful as this moment. That was because what we had was real, and I just destroyed it. There was a gaping hole in my chest. When Evan walked out of my door tonight, even though he wouldn’t know it, he would be taking my heart with him.
I put my head down and made my way over to the door, unlocked it and held it open. Evan huffed behind me.
“Wow. Okay I won’t waste any more of your time. If space is what you want, space is what you’ll get. All the fucking space you need.” Evan stormed to the door, then stopped under the threshold. He scowled at me as our eyes met.