“Hey.” I crossed the doorway into the office. Evan regarded me with puzzled eyes. “Can I sit? I think it’s time that we talked.”
Evan nodded to the chair in front of his desk. “No, we should have talked a long time ago. Are you ready to tell me what you’ve been hiding all this time? Respect me enough to stop lying.” Evan crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair.
“I . . . don’t just have a weak immune system. I have an autoimmune disease called lupus. It’s the reason for the fevers that never went away, the joint pain, why I never recovered from pneumonia.”
Evan stayed quiet, sucked on his bottom lip and nodded without looking at me. “How long have you known?”
I recoiled at the scowl on Evan’s face as he turned towards me.
“Since my first appointment with the specialist. She hadn’t confirmed it yet, but she told me she was ninety-eight percent sure.”
Evan nodded and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the top of the desk.
“So, I came to your apartment that night, and you looked me right in the eye and lied to me, and lied to your mother. Why?” His words were clipped. I could tell he wanted to yell at me but was holding himself back.
“Because I needed to deal with it on my own. If I told the two of you—”
“Is that how it works, or should I say worked, between us? Because I thought being in love meant we were partners. Like when you insisted on coming with me to move my dad into the home. I thought it meant we depended on each other, let each other in. Told the fucking truth. So was I not that important enough to you to be told you had an actual illness instead of a weak immune system?” Evan spit his words at me as he glowered in my direction. He wasn’t ready to hear all of it. The complications that led to more complications were too much to drop in his lap right now.
“You had enough to deal with. This was my problem—”
“No. It. Wasn’t!” In all the years I’d known Evan, he’d never yelled before. My hands trembled in my lap as he shot up from his chair and made his way around his desk. He slapped his hands on the arms of my chair and towered over me. “I was the one who worried about you to the point of making myself sick. I was the one who loved you so much it gutted me that I couldn’t help you. But you didn’t love me enough to tell me the truth. And if that wasn’t bad enough, you pushed me away, took my key and threw me out of your life. What do I do with that Paige? How do I trust you—ever again?”
I took a deep breath and shuddered from the stinging in my chest. I told the truth, but it was too late. Like my broken body, our relationship was too damaged to get back to where it had been, to heal. He’d never understand my motivation, or how much I loved him. My jaw quivered as our eyes locked.
“Hey, Ev.” A knock on the door made us both jump back. The worker who let me in was standing in the doorway. “Two guys just dropped out of the Ferguson job. We’re already behind because the tile took so long to come in. Any way you can help?”
“Yeah, sure, Angel. A distraction would be great right now,” he answered. Angel left. Evan’s eyes were still locked on mine. “I’ll call you after I get back. We aren’t done here.”
I was fairly certain we were done, and I had no one to blame but myself. As I lumbered back to my car, I took comfort that maybe now he’d move on. That was what I wanted, right? He should have the chance for the happy life I couldn’t give him.
As I walked, my head got heavier and fuzzier, and by the time I got to my car, I was panting. I sat in the driver’s seat and tried in vain to put the key into the ignition. My shaking hand missed every time. I couldn’t even dial my phone, I screamed for Siri to dial Natalie.
“Hey, hon. How did it go?”
“It didn’t, that’s how it went. I told him the truth but he’s done with me. I don’t blame him and it’s for the best.”
“I don’t believe that. He’s angry, and he has every right to be, but he loves you—”
“Just leave it alone. It’s over. Listen, I can’t drive home. Could you come get me?”
“What’s wrong? Are you feeling all right?”
“No, Natalie. I’m too dizzy to drive, and I think I have a fever. My chest is killing me. Can you please take me home?” My voice cracked. I barely had enough strength to get my words out.
“No, I’m coming to get you and then we’re headed straight to the emergency room. Where’s your car?” I lifted my throbbing head to look around for landmarks.
“I’m on Colden Avenue in the middle of the block. I’m across from the pizza place.”
“I’ll find you, I should be there in fifteen minutes. It’s going to be okay, all of it. Just hang tight and I’ll be right there.” I nodded to no one as the call had ended.
I rested my head on the steering wheel and sobbed. I was sad and terrified. I had never felt so ill that I couldn’t make a phone call. I shivered as my face heated up; fifteen minutes sounded like an eternity now. Dr. Stephens said I needed to come in right away if I had a high fever. My head ached as my mind spun. What if I was at the point of no return? Lupus was checking off a list—joints, check; lungs, check; kidneys, check. I pictured an electronic grid, and all the systems shutting down.
My breathing was short and heavy as my hands continued to shake. Was I dying? Was I going to make it until Natalie got here? I made one last attempt to make a call. Through my hazy vision, I searched for Evan’s number. If this was it, or the beginning of it, I didn’t want to die with him thinking I threw him away. I would say I love you and hang up. It rang twice before the phone dropped out of my hands.
In the game of life, the final score was lupus 1, Paige 0.
Filling in for a couple of missing workers seemed like a good idea to get my mind off Paige for the afternoon. I didn’t realize my phone battery was low and it died about an hour after I’d arrived at the job. I plugged my phone into the car charger once I was back in my truck and headed home. It took forever to turn back on, but chirped as I pulled into a spot in front of my apartment. My stomach sank when I saw a missed call from Paige.
I was still so fucking angry. She lied to me and didn’t think it was a big deal. I was surprised to hear from her again. My phone was spotty with notifications, the call came in hours ago with no voicemail. I called her cell and her house phone. No answer. My stomach dropped when I saw four missed calls from Ellie over the course of the last two hours.
I stepped out of the truck and noticed Ellie walking up the block towards the front of my building. She ran to me when I screamed her name. Something was very wrong.
“Shit, Evan. I’ve been trying to get you for hours.” Ellie panted to catch her breath.
“I was at a job and my phone died. What’s going on? Is it Paige?”
“Paige is in the hospital. She called Natalie from her car around two o’clock because she was too weak and dizzy to drive. She was on Colden Avenue, right by your office.”
My eyes bugged out of my head. “Hospital? Why didn’t she call me? She had just left, I would have run right over.”
Ellie let out a long sigh and shook her head.
“She told me she came to see you, and it didn’t go well. Did she tell you everything?”
“She started to. I had to leave to cover at a job. She admitted she’s been lying to me all these months. She told me she has lupus, but she didn’t have a chance to go into detail. And she sure as hell didn’t tell me she was sick enough to have to go into the hospital. What the hell is going on, Ellie?”
Ellie took a deep breath and shook her head. “Lupus a very serious autoimmune disease that causes a lot of complications. My aunt has had it for years. Paige has known since her first appointment with the rheumatologist.”
“Yeah, she lied. Why?” I white knuckled the handle of my truck while I waited for Ellie’s answer.