"My lightsaber?" Frowning, she slid it out of her belt and set it on the table.
"Yeah, that's the one," he said, making no move to touch it. "That's an amethyst, right?"
"Yes," she said, focusing on the activation stud. "It was a gift from some people Master C'baoth and I helped in one of Coruscant's midlevels."
Jinzler shook his head. "No, it was a gift from your parents. They knew the people, and asked them to give it to you." His mouth twisted. "And you couldn't even figure that out, could you?"
"No, of course not," Lorana said, her frustration with this man and his anger threatening to bubble over into anger of her own. "How could I?"
"Because you're a Jedi," he shot back. "You're supposed to know everything. I'll bet your Master C'baoth knew where it came from."
Lorana took a careful breath. "What do you want from me, Dean?"
"Hey, you're the one who came looking for me just now, not the other way around," he countered. "What doyou want?"
For a moment she gazed into his eyes. Whatdid she want from him? "I want you to accept what is," she told him. "The past is gone. Neither of us can change it."
"You want me tonot change the past?" he said scornfully. "Yeah, okay, I think I can handle that."
"I want you to accept that, whatever your feelings about your-about our-parents, your value isn't defined by their opinions or judgments," she continued, ignoring the sarcasm.
He snorted. "Sorry, but you already said not to change the past," he said. "Anything else?"
She looked him straight in the eye. "I want you to stop hating," she said quietly. "To stop hating yourself. . and to stop hating me."
She saw the muscles work briefly in his neck. "I don't hate," he said, his voice steady. "Hate is an emotion, and Jedi don't have emotions. Right?"
"You're not a Jedi."
"And that's thereal problem, isn't it?" he said bitterly.
"That's what Mom and Dad wanted: Jedi. And I'm not one, am I? But don't worry, I can still play the game. There is no emotion; there is peace. Jedi serve others rather than ruling over them, for the good of the galaxy. Jedi respect all life, in any form. See?"
Abruptly, Lorana had had enough. "I'm sorry, Dean," she said, standing up. "I'm sorry for your pain, which I can't heal. I'm sorry for your perceived loss, which I can't give back to you." She forced herself to lock gazes with him. "And I'm sorry you're on your way to wasting your life, a decision that only you can change."
"Nice," he said. "The one thing no one can top Jedi at is making speeches. Especially farewell speeches." He raised his eyebrows. "Thatwas a farewell speech, wasn't it?"
Lorana glanced around the room, belatedly remembering where she was. Outbound Flight. . "I haven't made up my mind."
He lifted his eyebrows. "You actually have amind? " he said. "I thought the Jedi Council made all your decisions for you."
"I hope you'll find your way, Dean," Lorana said, picking up her lightsaber and sliding it back into her belt. "I hope you'll find your healing."
"Well, you can spend the next few years worrying about it," he said. "Hurry back. We have so much more to talk about. Sister." Picking up his mug, he shifted around in his seat to put his back to her.
Lorana stared at the back of his head, the acid taste of defeat in her mouth. "I'll talk to you later," she said. "My. . brother."
He didn't reply. Blinking back tears, Lorana fled from the room.
For a long time she wandered the maze of corridors, maneuvering mechanically around the techs and droids as she tried to work through the pain darkening her eyes and mind. It was therefore with a certain sense of distant shock that her eyes cleared to show she was back in the Dreadnaught's ComOps Center.
C'baoth and Pakmillu were still there, holding a discussion over one of the navigation consoles. "Ah-Jedi Jinzler," C'baoth said, gesturing her over. "I trust your quarters are satisfactory?"
"Actually, I haven't seen them yet," Lorana admitted.
"But youwill be joining us, will you not?" Pakmillu added in his gravelly voice. "I understand there is some confusion on this point."
"There's no confusion," C'baoth insisted. "She is coming with us."
Pakmillu's large eyes were steady on her. "Jedi Jinzler?" he invited.
Lorana took a deep breath, her brother's face floating in front of her. The face that from this point on would forever hover at the edges of her life. "Master C'baoth is correct," she told the captain. "I'll be honored to travel with you aboard Outbound Flight."
And, she added bitterly to herself, the sooner they were gone, the better.
Chapter 13
… And the final crew and passenger list," Captain Pakmillu said, handing over the last data card.
"Thank you," Doriana said, accepting the card and tucking the entire stack away inside his coat. "And there's nothing else you need?"
"Nothing that I or fifty thousand other people have been able to think of," Pakmillu said with typically dry Mon Cal humor. "I believe Outbound Flight is ready to fly."
"Excellent," Doriana said. "Supreme Chancellor Palpatine will be pleased to hear it."
"We couldn't have done it without his help," Pakmillu said gravely. "Please extend our gratitude one final time to him for all his efforts on our behalf."
"I certainly will," Doriana promised. A final time it would be, too. "Then that's that. I'll see you in-what? Five years? Ten?"
"However long it takes," Pakmillu said, looking around his Dreadnaught-1 command bridge. "But wewill be back."
"I'll look forward to your return," Doriana said with all the false sincerity he could conjure up. "In the meantime, a safe voyage to you. And don't forget, if youdo discover anything else you need, the Supreme Chancellor's Office stands ready to assist. You still have three weeks before you leave Republic space-plenty of time for emergency supplies or equipment to be assembled and transported to you."
"I will remember," Pakmillu said, bowing his head. "May I escort you back to your transport?"
"No need," Doriana assured him. "I know you must have a hundred matters yet to deal with before you leave Yaga Minor. Fly safely, and may the Force he with you."
"With nineteen Jedi aboard, I'm sure it will," Pakmillu assured him. "Rather, nineteen and a half."