Darllanyu moved out of the circle, and Jindigar released his breath. She came and folded herself down before him. Her nearness sent a strange new kind of quiver through him, and he knew, suddenly, that he'd taken a giant leap into Renewal with the Eithlarin operation.
//Jindigar, I maligned you that night, before we tried for Eithlarin. You are nothing less than an accomplished and dedicated Aliom Priest. No one else could have done this. I trust you—in the field—or anywhere.//
//No, Dar, you were right. I've discovered that a lot of people I haven't been listening to may have been right about me all along.// Like my father, for example. Jindigar was acutely aware of Krinata. He had the linkages open evenly, trying to rest their nerves. Krinata, sensing an intimacy in their words, was feeling embarrassed, as if she were eavesdropping. //Zunre, I've begun to have the kind of self-revelations that generally come beyond the onset of Renewal. Dar's insights into the deeper truths about me are very valuable to me. I want to spend this Renewal with her.//
//And I with him,// responded Dar formally, as if they had never made the announcement before.
Their eyes met, and all the friction was gone between them. Perhaps they would now settle easily into full Renewal. The promise made Jindigar eager enough to have forgotten the precarious position of the colony. But Darllanyu finally saw the change in him and pulled back, moving to the Formulator's position. //But first we must discover what can be done about I he hive, Chinchee doesn't stay anywhere very long. When he leaves, the colony will have no means whatever of talking to the hive. With communication there's a chance for an alliance.//
//And it's up to us to find a way to communicate, // concluded Krinata, //before we Dissolve.//
There was a set to her features and a hardness in her gaze that made Jindigar feel she was about to challenge Center again. //You don't know what you're saying, Krinata. You're talking about suicide—group suicide. If we go on, there'll be no hope for any of us to survive Dissolution.//
Very calmly Darllanyu questioned that. //How do you know we haven't passed that point already?//
TEN
Historian's Method
Darllanyu gazed steadily at Krinata, illicit Center whose presence already condemned at least some of them to Incompletion– death. The Formulator’s dread was so cold, it was a calm that spoke as loudly as the riotous sensuality her condition broadcast through the links.
His mate's chill acceptance tapped a still quietude Jindigar hadn't known was at the center of the gibbering fear knotted inside him. He confessed with growing astonishment at the deeply mature tone of his voice, III don't know I haven't long since sacrificed all our lives, just by accepting Krinata into Office. There is no way to predict what will happen when*a dual-Center Oliat tries to Dissolve. Sometimes a few officers survive. I have been hoping to minimize our losses—only hoping.//
He felt Dar's scrutiny rake through him, reassessing him, and simultaneously her very identity shifted, sending starbursts sparkling through the linkages. So that's what it looks like when Renewal compels realization of an error. An Oliat couldn't function in the field with such disruptions to the linkages.
//Why hope?// challenged Darllanyu. //Remember, our objective is not to survive but to implant a colony—a Dushau multicolony, the first of its kind. Raichmat's zunre agreed this is a necessary step for Dushaun. We are moving in a riptide of history. And always at such points, some die that the concept may live. Jindigar—maybe the Historians have a healthier attitude toward Completion than Aliom. Maybe we shouldn't cling to ourselves so much as to the currents that are carrying us.//
Jindigar flicked his attention to Krinata. They all knew she considered herself Takora/Ontarrah reborn, but they didn't know how close he was to accepting that as a fact. //Dar, you don't believe that if we die, we will be reborn ephemeral?// So sacrificing our lives for this colony would be so trivial that to refuse to do it would be such a crime against the Laws of Nature that we'd lose our chance at Completion. He couldn't accept that.
Ill think,// she replied, //we must admit that we do not know what we don't know. But we must act on what we do know—our objective—to begin a society where Dushau and ephemeral are bound into a single unit designed to protect this world from the galaxy, and the galaxy from this world, until they can be united into one. Raichmat's Oliat knew this planet could not be colonized except by Dushau, but that even we could not survive here as a single species. Raichmat's knew what the price would be. You were Outreach to Raichmat don't you remember?//
He remembered. It had been a daring vision rejected by therest of Dushaun because so many Dushau would die Incomplete in any attempt to colonize. But he had known that in such a project—the welding of disparate species into a whole, the protecting of the helpless, the riding of the currents of evolution—lay his Completion. He had known that ever since the day he'd first met a living ephemeral.
Through the open linkages the thoughts and emotions of the others became his own. Venlagar and Llistyien at last confronted the possibility that Krinata really was Takora. Trinarvil puzzled over why, if one Dushau had become ephemeral, no others had ever been identified. Zannesu deplored his eagerness to offer his life, knowing it stemmed from the amputation of his mate but finding no surcease in that. And Krinata restrained her impulse to lead them into one more effort, as if she were Center.
Ill am Priest and given to the processes of Aliom. Dar, without benefit of priesthood, has seen what I could not. Paradoxical as it seems, / have no other way to Completion but to give my life to this deflection of the stream of history, as if I were Historian too.// The truth of what he'd just said burst upon him through a dam of resistance he hadn't known was there. He saw his own death and knew he had to surrender to it with no thought of surviving. Is this what Takora went through?
He saw a quizzical smile touch Krinata's lips, but she politely concealed her sharp white teeth. Suddenly she was no longer restraining herself from Center, for she knew he was committed now to the same course that she was.
//I am not Center anymore, zunre,// Jindigar told them. Ill can't lead in this, for I am too Active to see anything but my own point of view.//
Llistyien answered, //It's our point of view too. Very seldom has an Oliat been called to such a task, but it's not unprecedented. Jindigar, the Dushau species will die out if we stagnate on Dushaun.// She gestured at the new worldcircle. //With this the colony has a real chance. But if we can't accept that there is no Completion for us, that we're called to serve our species, then the colony will fail and there will be no Completion for anyone.//
Trinarvil agreed. //I have pursued the Healer's path to Completion: working at the performing and creative arts, learning all the cosmogonies, magicks, and sciences, and even doing the regimens of all the priesthoods, including, most recently, the Ambassadorial. I had no idea it would lead me to the Healing of a nine-species community. But there is one thing I have learned in Healing—it is not something that is done to you but something you do to yourself. I am of this community and of this world—and so I must do what is necessary to Hail.//
Krinata stated, as if she really understood, //It's up to Center to decide what's necessary. The Center's job is to guide the officers along Aliom toward Completion. And, Jindigar, whether you're still qualified or not, you're our Center—and you must decide; not us—not a vote—you. I'll abide by whatever you decide.//