Outside the Lines

And I hold him even tighter.

“Ben,” I whisper, cupping my hands around his face. “What … why…” I stumble over my words. “You’re here.”

“I’m so sorry,” he says.

“No, don’t be. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything I said and I—”

He cuts me off with another kiss. He lifts me up and cradles my head into his face, kissing me as hard as he can. We break apart and move under the awning.

“I tried to call you,” he says, taking both my hands in his.

“My phone,” I start and realize I’m not even sure where it is. In the bridal sweet, I think.

“It’s okay,” he says. “I didn’t expect you to answer.”

I look at his handsome face, tears in my eyes. Was he really here? Did I imagine this, or maybe drink too much and pass out?

“Let’s talk,” Ben says and takes his jacket off, draping it around my shoulders. I pull it closed, scared talking might lead to a final goodbye. “I shouldn’t have left like that and—”

“And I shouldn’t have said those things,” I interrupt. “I’m sorry, Ben. I’m so, so sorry.”

“I know,” he says and wraps an arm around me.

“I don’t really think you’re a man whore.”

He chuckles. “Good. And I never got the wrong impression about you. I can’t say I’ve never slept with someone after one date, but I’ve never felt so much passion for anyone before. You’re all I wanted, all I could think about.”

Past tense. Am I overanalyzing again? I close my eyes, pushing back tears. “That’s how I feel about you, and it scared me. Because I didn’t know why you’d feel the same about me. I’m not fancy or put together or on time for anything. I’m just a nerd. I’m not the kind of woman you deserve.”

“I don’t look at you and see a nerd or anything else. I look at you and see Felicity, a beautiful woman who isn’t afraid to let others dictate her life.” He puts his hand on the side of my cheek and tips my head up to him. “I don’t understand why you think you’re nothing special. I’ve never met anyone like you, and I don’t think I ever will again. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want a day to go by that I’m not kissing you, fucking you, waking up next to you and telling you I love you.”

“You really do love me?”

“I do.”

He kisses me, and warmth flows through my entire body. Everything disappears and it’s just us, wind, rain, and storm swirling in the distance.

“Why?” I ask, needing to know.

Ben gives me his famous grin. “Isn’t it obvious?”

I shake my head. “Not to me.”

“You don’t let anything stop you from doing what you love, from being who you are. You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met. There’s so much to you, and it’s complex and complicated in the best way possible. And isn’t that what life is about? Coloring outside the lines. Pushing boundaries and testing limits. Not letting anything hold you back. That’s exactly what you are, what you’ve made me do. You are my outside the lines. And I love you.”

Tears prick the corners of my eyes. “I love you too.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t call you back,” he begins. “I listened to your message, and was going to, then Tuesday my dad fell.”

“Fell?”

“He forgets he needs helps walking and gets up out of his wheelchair. He fell and hit his head on the corner of his nightstand. He was rushed to the hospital, and had to stay at the hospital until Wednesday night. I was there until he got let out, and the cell service in the hospital is horrible. I should have taken a minute to call you, I know. But then too much time passed and I thought I blew my chance.”

“Your dad’s okay?”

“He will be. He’s bruised and sore, and has a few stitches. My mom was—well, still is—a mess though. The whole time I just wanted you there, even though I was pissed. Seeing my parents together, seeing my mom take care of my dad after all these years…it made me think. A lot. I know it’s not easy taking care of him. I know my mom’s life has been reduced to days and nights spend sitting in a chair in a nursing home next to a man who doesn’t always remember her name. She doesn’t have to do it, but she wants to.”

I look into Ben’s dark eyes, and he takes my hands. “That’s what I want,” he confesses. “Ultimately, that’s what life is about, right? Finding someone who will take care you of, who will still love you, no matter how bad it gets. And I know we haven’t been together that long, but I want that person to be you.”

He brushes my wet hair out of my face. “I went to your house Thursday evening because I was scared if I called, you wouldn’t answer. Because I didn’t answer, like an asshole, and I’m sorry. I convinced myself it was over, but when I woke up today, I knew I couldn’t let things end.”

“I’m glad you didn’t. I don’t want them to end either.”

“I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I do know I don’t want to think about it if you’re not by my side.”

He holds me against him, and I listen to his heart beating. Lightning flashes above us and we stay tangled together on the bench.

The wind and rain intensify and Ben holds me closer, then leans over to kiss me, not stopping until we both need air.

“Can we pretend this didn’t happen?” I ask as I play with a button on Ben’s shirt.

“That’s fine with me,” he says with a smile. “And to be clear, do you want to officially be my girlfriend?”

I’m smiling back. “Of course.”

He brushes my hair back. “Good.” He kisses me once more. “So is your sister-in-law going to freak out that you’re dripping wet?”

“Nah, we already took the pictures. As far as I know, my job here is done.”

“That’s good to hear.” He slides his hand down and grabs my ass. “Because I want to dance with you.”

“That means I have to go back in looking like this.”

“No it doesn’t.” He takes a step back, putting one hand on my waist. “You can hear the music.”

“All I hear is rain.”

He twirls me around. “That is the music. Dance with me, Felicity?”

My wet hair sticks to my face as I turn my head up. “Of course.”

*

“I could get used to this view,” Ben says, lazily pushing off the large porch swing on the back deck of one of my parent’s cabins.

I sip my coffee, watching the sun come up over Lake Michigan. “It’s easy to get used to. And even easier to miss.”

We stayed at the wedding for a while after Ben showed up, then left so I could go home and change. It was cold being soaked with rain and in the air-conditioning. Plus, Ben and I had some passionate make-up sex to follow through with.

“Did you plan to come back here?”

I take another drink of coffee. After the sex, we stayed up talking, smoothing things out until we both felt better. What happened was the first fight, and we both agreed it wouldn’t be our last. I don’t want it to be our last. Because people fight, people get mad over stupid things, and people even say stupid things they don’t mean.

But they make up.

Because that’s what you do when you love someone.

“I don’t really know,” I confess. “I like Grand Rapids, and it’s not so far I can’t come back here. And I like to travel around. I guess when I imagine myself settling down to pop out a few babies, this town would be nice to call home. Maybe. I don’t know. It’s so far away.”

I rest my head against Ben’s muscular shoulder. The swing slows and Ben pushes his foot on the deck again, keeping us in motion.

“But then again, this is all I know as far as childhood,” I say. “If that makes sense.”

“It does,” he says. “And I moved around so much it’s hard imagining what it would be like to have stayed in one place.”