“You must be kidding me! That’s nothing more than a piece of meat Ane-san mistook for a chunk of vegetable!”
“Maybe that’s just wishful thinking on your part? Maybe the “meat” you ate was just potatoes or something, and the actual meat you got was that miniature thing. You’d better watch out, it’s proof that Ane-san doesn’t like you. Plus, my god clearly told me, “You must make Enri happy.”
“Isn’t the god you believe in an evil one, Cona?!”
Half the goblins were standing, and the other half were seated and squabbling, fanning the flames of conflict. Even Nemu had somehow joined the squabbling party. Only a few people weren’t participating in this battle royale. Those people had their heads lowered to the table, and the most prominent one of them was Nfirea.
“…Powdered ruby… arcane feathers… ashwood pestle… mor… mortar… tar… tatas?”
Nfirea was muttering to himself as he spooned the food into his mouth, but the food in the spoon hadn’t even reached his mouth before it went back to the bowl. His eyes weren’t visible due to his long hair, but in all likelihood he was walking on the thin line between dreams and reality.
“Enfi, are you alright?”
The goblins were still arguing, and although it probably wasn’t safe to leave them alone for too long lest the conflict spiral out of control, Nfirea was really out of it, and she couldn’t ignore him. He was most likely suffering from sleep deprivation, judging by the way he’d begun wobbling the moment he sat down, as though he’d fall over to his side at any moment. When he actually started on breakfast, he looked like a zombie, completely bereft of life or animation.
“Ah… don’t… worry… about… me… Enri…hu…”
“Hey, Enfi, get it together!”
“Weren’t you the one who said ‘Nemu was mai waifu’ and all that earlier?”
“That was then, this is now. I only just realised it recently. I used to think since Nemu-san was ten and was about the same height as us, that she was of a marriageable age. But humans… they only consider them adults at fifteen!”
“Eh? Is that true….? Ane-san isn’t a species like hob-human??”
The goblins leapt from topic to topic with incomparable speed. Enri wanted to ask them what a ‘hob-human’ was, but before she could open her mouth, the goblins had already gotten tired of the discussion and started a whole new argument for everyone to participate in.
“Ah! You stole my bread!”
“My wolf’s still hungry, don’t be such a tightwad!”
“Everyone!”
Although Enri was shouting at this point, her voice still couldn’t carry over the racket the goblins were generating. Spoons and plates were flying, while shouts and angry roars rose and fell like waves in a storm-tossed bay. Of course, everything being thrown was empty, because none of the goblins would even dream of wasting the food Enri made for them. Still, it was utterly inexcusable.
Steeling herself, Enri furrowed her brows and took a deep breath.
“Don’t wolves eat meat? Just because you’re higher level than me, don’t go thinking I can’t whup you fist to fist!”
“Fist to fist, you say? Since you’re so hungry, how about a knuckle sandwich?”
And just as Enri stood up, everyone immediately returned to their seats and calmly resumed their meal as though nothing was wrong.
“ALL OF YOU, QUIT MAKING A RACKET!”
Enri’s furious bellow echoed across the silent air above the breakfast table.
“Ah…”
Surprised, Enri looked all around, but the only thing she could see were the goblins looking at her with expressions on their faces which said, “We were all quietly having breakfast, is that a problem”, or “being suddenly shouted at for no reason at is really vexing”. After standing silently for a while, she plopped back into her seat, red-faced.
“Pfhahahahaha!”
The first to break the silence was Nemu. Then, unable to contain herself, Enri followed suit, clutching her stomach as she laughed and then the goblins joined in as well.
That flawless coordination and timing could not have taken place without careful discussion and preparation. It was quite amazing how seriously they prepared for prank like this.
“Ah, that was just weird. Were you all planning to make fun of me from the start?”
Even though she was tearing up because she was laughing too hard, Enri made a show of being angry and asked.
“Of course, Ane-san. We wouldn’t argue about things like this for real.”
“That’s right, Ane-san.”
“Yup, yup!”
The goblins were unrepentantly blathering on, deflecting Enri’s questions with jovial expressions on their faces. In response, Enri focused on Kaijali, turning a fierce stare on him. Under her stern gaze, Kaijali wilted, averting his eyes as he responded in a small voice that abdicated all responsibility.
“You see, how do I say this… we thought Ane-san looked a little down.”
Several nearby goblins shrank away, their heads lowered as they looked around uncomfortably without saying a word.
“Everyone―”
“That’s because… we’re all Ane-san’s bodyguards.”
“That’s right!”
“Yep! Bodyguards!”
“We put a lot of thought in how to look good as your escort.”
“That’s right, that’s right. Now, Ane-san and Nemu-san, stand here, in the middle, like this…”
“Eh? I have to go over too?”
“Of course you do, now, the two of you, raise both your arms like this, that’s right, in a totally cool and awesome way…”
Even if she gave them the benefit of the doubt, this pose made them look like frogs stretching their arms out to the sky.
“Look, I understand your good intentions, and to begin with, you don’t need to be my bodyguards… right, Enfi?”
Enri turned her head to her childhood friend sitting beside her for aid, but found that there was nobody there.
She had a bad feeling about this, but still shifted her line of sight down just a little bit… and found that Nfirea’s head was resting face down in his bowl of soup.
“Enfi!”
Enri immediately scooped up the toppled Enfi, crying out as her face turned pale. Cona quickly rushed over, and peeled Nfirea’s eyes open with his fingers.