Before I could say anything, Xona stomped into the kitchen. She reached down to seal the strap closed on her shoes before hiking her foot up onto the counter beside the coffeemaker.
She noticed us sitting at the table. “Sorry, counter’s got the best height for stretching.”
She looked between me and Adrien like she was gauging the level of tension between us. “I’m going for a run.” She kept stretching, then looked back at me. “You can come if you want. There’s some extra shoes by the door.”
“Really?” I asked. She’d seemed so gruff before, I was surprised by the offer.
She paused to look at me more critically. “Well, if you can keep up.”
Adrien was still holding my hand. “Look Zoe, we can talk about this more—”
“No,” I pushed back my chair abruptly. I didn’t want to keep pressing Adrien to tell me about the future when he obviously didn’t want to. “A run sounds great right now. Besides,” I looked back at Adrien and tried to smile. I felt upset about our conversation, but I didn’t want to take it out on him. “You said I’ll be strong in the future. How else am I going to make that happen unless I train now?”
The early morning sun shone down through the layers of trees and leaves, but a lot of the ground was still in shadow. Only a few leaves were lit up bright green where the sunlight managed to break through.
“I’ve got a route I usually run,” Xona said, jumping up and down a few times to warm her limbs. She looked over at me. “I’m not going to slow down for you.”
I nodded, fixated on all the green in the forest around us. It was still astonishing and unnerving. It wasn’t just green, it was a hundred different shades, from the deeper green of the leaves hidden in shadow to the bright, almost neon green moss that covered the rocks and the bottoms of the trees.
“Ex-drones,” Xona said under her breath with a smirk. “You guys always get so cracked about the Surface.” Then before I could respond, she took off, racing into the forest. I followed as fast as I could, not wanting to lose sight of her in the vast green maze.
It felt good to run. The suit stretched easily with every step I took until I barely noticed I had it on. Running had always calmed me, both in my Community days and in the lab alcove. But running on the Surface was far different from running on a treadmill. On the treadmill, you could lose yourself in thought as the regular pounding of your footfalls provided a hypnotic rhythm. Out here, you had to constantly watch where you were going. The forest floor was springy and uneven, and I kept my eyes trained on the ground to make sure I didn’t trip over tree roots or bushes as we went.
But the exertion did feel good. It was a relief to forget about all the insanity of the past few days and think only about where my foot would land next.
“Thanks,” I said to Xona, huffing from the incline we had just run up. “I really needed a good run.”
She looked at me out of the corner of her eye as she continued jogging, clearly impressed that I’d managed to catch up to her. She didn’t seem winded at all. The path was wider so we jogged side by side.
“Seemed like things were intense between you two back there. Then again,” she cocked her head, “Adrien was always an intense guy. That brooding stare of his used to drive all the Rez girls wild.”
She looked at me like she was waiting for a reaction.
“Yeah?” I asked, not taking the bait. “Jilia said you knew each other growing up?”
“From when he was fourteen. He ran away and joined up with the Rez unit my dad led. ’Course his mom got all crazy when she found out where he’d run away to. She came into the compound where we were staying, yelling and screaming about how he was too young. My dad talked her down. Did his whole, ‘the young are the future of the Rez’ shtick.” She sounded sarcastic as she mimicked her father. “Though from what I hear, you’re supposed to be the real future of the Rez.”
I felt the blood leave my face. If she was trying to get a reaction out of me, she’d finally succeeded.
“If you believe the rumors about Adrien’s visions,” I said, trying to shrug off the comment.
“Well, I don’t. The whole idea of destiny is total piss. No offense. But I’m not going to believe one girl’s gonna save the world just because someone had a vision.”
“Even if Adrien’s visions always seem to come true?”
Xona paused, slowing her stride. “So far, maybe. But saying something is fated sounds just like the lies my mom used to tell me about how it was all gonna turn out okay. How all the bad stuff in life was part of a bigger purpose and that everything happens for a reason. How all the lives sacrificed for the Rez will be meaningful in the end when we win.”
She shook her head, looking angry. “But that’s a stack of lies. Besides,” she looked over at me, “if you’re supposed to save the world, then that means the world was supposed to be all shunted up like this in the first place. It means this war, the V-chip, everything—” she paused, and I could tell she was thinking about her parents’ deaths. “Things don’t happen for a reason. If they did, what kind of sick world would this be?”
She sped up again, her face hardening. I kept pace with her, but my lungs were burning.
“Are you sure you even believe in his visions?” she asked. “Can you really handle the pressure of having to be some kind of savior?”
“I’m hoping to have some help,” I said through huffing breaths. I wished I could wipe my forearm across my sweaty brow, but because of the mask all I could do was let it drip down my face. I didn’t like the direction the conversation had taken. “What about the other glitchers we’re going to meet at the Foundation? Do you know any of them?”
“I usually steer clear of glitchers.”
“Are you always this friendly?” My voice was sharper than I meant it.
She laughed. “Look, I feel bad for you guys, okay? They put stuff in your brains, and your powers are a freak side effect. I get it, it’s not your fault. But in the end,” she shrugged, “you’re still just another bi-product of what Comm Corp created. The Rez is fighting so that the world can go back to the way it was, before the Community and brain hardware and glitchers ever existed.”
The path narrowed, and Xona ran ahead of me. I gave up trying to continue the conversation. We were obviously never going to be friends. Instead I thought about what she had said about the future of the Rez. I wanted to be a part of it, to help people, but there was so much responsibility being put on my shoulders. Everyone had these huge expectations of me. I thought about how Xona had said people expected me to be the future of the Rez. And the way Adrien had described that fearless girl in the future …
I just didn’t understand how I went from being me to being her. Every time someone talked about me being a leader, it sounded like they were talking about someone else. Would I wake up one day and suddenly be that girl, or was I supposed to somehow be actively trying to change myself into her?
The memory of the little blue lights from Jilia’s brain scan flashed in my mind. I was changing all right. I just wasn’t as certain about what I’d become. I imagined the power multiplying more and more until my body split into a million pieces, little blue lights pouring out of me like water from a broken glass.
I yelped in surprise when Xona suddenly stopped in front of me and pulled me down beside her against the tree. “Don’t move. Something’s coming,” she whispered. Her cool confidence was gone.
We hunched down into a space between two fat roots. I heard a distant humming noise that grew louder as it came closer. The noisier it got, the more my heart hammered in my chest. My telek clamored to life under my skin. I squeezed my eyes shut as my forearm began to shake. Not now. If I accidentally let loose right now and was seen, we would all be caught and delivered to the Chancellor. Or killed on the spot.