“No.” The buzzing got louder in my ears, but I tried to tamp it down. It was coming on too quickly. I knew I was supposed to be trying to access the power, but the truth was, I was terrified of it. Sophia was right. All I did was get people hurt. And our training sessions weren’t helping much.
Whenever I walked into the Caf these days, talk quieted at all the tables. Furtive eyes glanced at me, and then quickly darted away. I could tell they’d all heard about what had happened with the mirror, and Ginni had probably filled everyone else in about my repeated failures at the glitcher training sessions. This morning several of the Rez fighters had stared at me in open hostility, making my cheeks flame in embarrassment and shame. They’d all expected me to be this powerful leader. I was supposed to be a sign of hope, a secret weapon against the Chancellor.
But I was none of those things. My torso started shaking with frustration at my repeated failure.
I tried to calm down and take deep breaths, following Jilia’s instructions. But all I really wanted to do was run out of the room and go Link myself.
The tremors got worse.
“We’ve got to take a break,” I said, trying to keep my voice even.
“Are you angry yet?” she yelled. “You can feel your power, can’t you? Now try to harness it. Control it, don’t let it control you.”
I looked down at my shaking arm in dismay. Yes, I could feel the power. Maybe Sophia’s way, as much as I disliked it, was the path to finally getting control. Now, if I could just direct it the way that I wanted to this time.… I gritted my teeth together and tried to remember the breathing methods from meditation class. Deep breath in, deep breath out. I could do this. No one else had to get hurt because of me.
The shaking started to subside a tiny bit, and when I closed my eyes I could feel the shape of the room around me. It was almost like there was a 3-D projection cube of the whole room in my head. I could feel the objects filling the space and sense Sophia’s movement without even looking.
Then Sophia launched another pellet at me and my eyes popped back open.
“If you would wait a second—” I started.
Another pellet thumped into my side.
“Just let me get—”
Another pellet.
“Stop it!” I yelled, all my frustration bubbling up and over.
Sophia flew backward six feet into the wall and then crumpled to the ground. I rushed over to her. “Are you okay?”
There was a thin layer of padding covering the training room wall, but I knew it was solid rock beyond. I felt sick at the thought of having hurt someone else, even her. Her hair was tossed in her face. I pushed the thick strands aside. “Are you okay?” I asked again anxiously.
She let out a pained groan but sat up, rubbing her shoulder.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, and reached to help her up. “I didn’t mean to—”
“Exactly.” Her voice was cutting. “You didn’t use it on purpose. You can’t control it.” She jerked her hand back from me and slowly got to her feet. She picked up the pellet gun from where she’d dropped it and shoved it at my chest.
“Your telekinesis is extremely powerful, but if you don’t get it under control, and soon, all it makes you is dangerous. I don’t have visions often like my son, but I’ve seen enough. Without control, you are a ticking time bomb. I don’t want Adrien around the next time you go off.” Her eyes were hard as steel, and she paused to enunciate every word. “Stay away from my son.”
“Did you and Adrien get in a fight?” Ginni asked.
Ginni and I were sitting at the long table in the corner of our dorm room. Her half of the desk was covered in different colored fabrics and a small machine that seamed the pieces together with thread. My side of the table was empty except for my tablet. Even though I’d been sitting and staring at the screen for an hour, I couldn’t remember a thing I’d read. I’d been like this all week. I couldn’t seem to concentrate on anything.
“What?” I asked, looking up.
“Well you two haven’t been sitting together as much lately, and you always leave class early without waiting to walk with him. Are you mad at him or something?”
I hadn’t meant to be so obvious in avoiding him. “Do you think he thinks I’m mad at him?” He hadn’t said anything. But then, we hadn’t really talked since the mirror incident, and that was almost two weeks ago. We’d say hi and joke around in the Caf. But we hadn’t had a real conversation, the kind that went below the surface, in a long time.
“Are you?” Ginni pressed.
“No, I just…”
I just felt helpless when it came to my powers and I was afraid of hurting him again. Part of me wanted to com him and ask if we could meet somewhere alone, but then his mother’s words would echo in my mind. Stay away from my son.
I didn’t want it to be true, but Sophia was right. Strong emotions made my power unpredictable, and being alone with Adrien was always inherently emotional. As much as I wanted his arms around me, how could I willingly put him in harm’s way?
Before I could think of what to say to Ginni, Xona burst in.
“Looks like I’ll be joining you for meditation during lunch tomorrow,” Xona said, tossing her tablet case roughly on the ground and then flopping onto Ginni’s bottom bunk. “I got sentenced to extra sessions all week.”
“What happened?” Ginni dropped the two squares of fabric she was holding.
“I caught that ex-Reg Cole following me on my way to a private training session. It’s not the first time either.”
Ginni looked at me, a secret smile playing on her face. She got that look whenever one of us started talking about a boy at the Foundation. She’d always nudge me with an elbow or nod and wink. It probably had something to do with the books she was always reading. She’d pause periodically to look up from the words, clutching her reading tablet to her chest and sighing loudly.
“And…?” Ginni prompted.
Xona smirked, leaning back to lazily entwine her fingers behind her head. “And I gave him a quick elbow to the throat. Now he knows better.”
Ginni gasped.
“City saw me do it and reported straight to Jilia. So, anger management meditation it is.”
“But what if he was following you because he likes you?” Ginni asked. “Maybe he just wanted to talk.”
Xona glared at her, all traces of humor gone from her face. “Don’t try to turn ex-Regs into romantic heroes like in your books. They’re killers. That’s all they know how to do.”
“Well it’s not like we have a lot of options.” Ginni’s face soured. “Adrien’s with Zoe. All the other students are too young. Which only leaves Rand.”
Xona scrunched up her nose. “Oh honey, you can do better than Rand.”
Ginni looked down at her sewing again. “He seems to like City anyway. They’re always flirting.”
“Rand flirts with everybody,” Xona said.
“You should give Cole a chance,” I said to Xona. “He’s not like the other Regs. He even smiled at me when I knocked him over during training.” Sophia had brought him in to train with me after I’d thrown her against the wall a second time. She figured an ex-Reg could take the hits better.
“Are you finally getting control of your power?” Ginni asked excitedly.
“Sort of.” I sighed. “I can call it up sometimes, but usually only when Sophia gets me mad. And then I never direct it the way I’m supposed to. I just knock things over. I might as well not have the power at all.”
“Well as long as you’re banging up a Reg, it sounds great to me,” Xona said.
“And it does sound like you’re getting somewhere,” Ginni said, with a comforting smile.