“Is he ever going to be my Adrien again?” Sophia asked. I held my breath while I waited for Jilia’s answer.
She looked at the floor again.
“Tell me!” Sophia said.
“The developments in organ-regrowth technology have been promising over the last fifty years, but no one has ever succeeded at regrowing entire portions of the brain. Any replication processes will be long and slow. We’ll begin right away, but I can’t make either of you any promises. I’m so sorry.”
I stepped back, stunned.
“But you’re a healer,” Sophia shouted. “Can’t you do something?”
The sorrow on Jilia’s face clear. “I’m sorry, Sophia.” She reached out to put a hand on Sophia’s shoulder, but Sophia ripped her arm away from the contact. She spun and hurried from the room, I think so we wouldn’t see her cry.
I couldn’t handle it anymore. I had to get out of here too. Sophia was gone when I got to the hallway, and my steps echoed loudly in the empty space. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Regardless of everything Jilia had said, I knew Adrien and I were destined to be together. There was supposed to be a happy ending. Adrien and I, standing in the sunlight at the end of the war. But then again, Adrien had never told me that’s how it would end. In the vision he’d shared with me, I was in the sunlight, but I’d been all alone. And I’d been running toward danger, not celebrating victory.
I stopped when I came to the T in the hallway, looking up in surprise when I realized my feet had carried me to Adrien’s dorm. I stood outside the door for a moment, preparing myself for what was on the other side, then pushed the button and stepped in.
Adrien sat at the study table, staring at the wall. My heart tightened in my chest at the sight of him. He looked so broken, but the strong cut of his nose and his rugged jaw were still so familiar. This was the boy I loved. Jilia had to be wrong. Even if the Chancellor had removed part of his brain, surely Adrien was still in there somewhere. We were more than our physical parts, more than our electrical synapses or brain tissue; that was what Adrien always said. That’s what Cole had taught me. We had souls.
I sat down in the chair opposite him and reached for his hand. He let me take it. Maybe if we touched for long enough, it would spark him back to life. The memory of the diagrams Jilia had shown us popped up in my mind, but I expelled the images.
This was Adrien. My Adrien. Our love could surmount anything. He’d proven it already when he’d thrown off the yoke of the Chancellor’s compulsion. It shouldn’t have been possible, but his love for me was stronger even than her ability. He could find his way back to me again, I knew it.
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
He didn’t look up at me. His hand was limp in mine. “The doctor says I am unwell.”
“You’re going to be fine.” I tried to smile, but I was fighting back tears. “We just have to give it some time.”
He didn’t say anything or nod.
“Can I ask you a question?” I leaned in.
“Yes.”
I swallowed, gripping his hand tighter. “Why did you go on that raid? Why did you leave the Foundation at all after you’d seen the visions of what would happen to you?”
“I had other visions, of you and me together at the Foundation. Several of them had not yet occurred, so I deduced that my capture would not be until later.”
I felt hope flower in my belly. “So they’ll still come true?”
He shook his head, but it looked like a mechanical movement, sharp jerks back and forth. “No. It was not me that I saw. It was Maximin wearing my face.”
The bloom inside me wilted, replaced by an involuntary shudder. It was cruel and unfair. All those moments that should have been Adrien’s and mine had been shared instead with Max. I felt another rush of choking hatred for Max. He’d been locked up in a room on the lower level and was kept under constant supervision. It was far better than he deserved. If Sophia or I had our way, he wouldn’t be treated so humanely.
“You thought you had more time,” I said, my heart breaking.
“That is not the only reason,” he said. “I could not interfere with the causality chain. If I did not rescue Saminsa on the raid, she would not have been able to save you when you fell from the roof.”
“You idiot,” I said, feeling guilt burn through my veins like fire. He’d gone because of me. Risked his safety for me. And worse, the only reason Saminsa had even needed to save me was because Adrien had gotten captured. If he’d only stayed home, none of it would have mattered. In trying to make sure one vision happened, he’d caused the circumstances leading up to it.
I swallowed down my grief. At least he was responding to me. That was what I needed to focus on.
“Do you know who the red-haired glitcher was in that hallway?”
“He creates hallucinations based on a subject’s fears and desires,” Adrien explained in a completely blank monotone. “While your mind was busy in the world he created around you, the weapons from the ceiling were supposed to take you down. But you detected them and the gun he had with him as well. The Chancellor was afraid if she sent out more soldiers to kill you, you’d sense them with your telek in spite of the hallucinations. So she sent me out to kill you instead by taking off your helmet. As I had foreseen.”
“She said you saw me die.” My voice was quiet.
“I saw flashes of you writhing on the ground, and then not moving at all. I assumed that indicated your death.” His voice was still so empty and cold. He talked about my death with the same emotion as one might when discussing the components of a propulsion engine.
“Do you feel anything?” I asked, desperate for some spark of the old Adrien I’d known.
He raised his head, and his eyes met mine for a moment.
This was it. This was the moment our souls would recognize each other and I’d see the light come back into his eyes.
I clutched his hand tighter.
See me, I wished silently. Look into my eyes and remember.
“No,” he said. “I do not feel anything.” His gaze was just as empty as my brother’s had always been under the control of the V-chip.
No. I couldn’t lose him like this. I would make him remember. I scooted my chair closer to his, ignoring the screech of the chair legs scraping across the ground. His eyes did not follow me, but instead stared at the spot I had previously been.
I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t see his hollow stare. I touched my lips to his.
He didn’t respond. I kissed deeper, harder, pouring all of my desperation into it and willing him to remember.
His lips didn’t move.
I pulled back and searched his eyes. He still wasn’t looking at me.
And I knew.
We hadn’t saved him, not really. We’d brought back his body, but that was all. The Chancellor hadn’t given me a choice after all. She knew I was going to lose both Taylor and Adrien either way.
My body trembled as I stepped back. “You should get some rest,” I said. “Everything will turn out okay.” I tried to sound more confident than I felt.
And then I fled from the room. The tears I’d been holding back before now flooded my cheeks.
My arm com buzzed.
Compound-wide meeting in the training room, attendance is mandatory.
I swiped the tears from my eyes and took a deep breath. The last thing I wanted right now was to be around other people, but I knew everyone was afraid for the future of the Rez. The General had been killed and the Chancellor had escaped again. We needed solidarity more than ever right now. I changed directions and headed toward the training center.