“No,” Tayel said.
No, and you’re strong and beautiful and perfect, and I felt stuck just like you did all my life and I understand, she wanted to stay, but it all caught inside her. All the time Tayel spent staring at flexi-screens, staring at landscapes for hours just wishing she could be anywhere else but Delta — and there was Shy — a billion miles away, looking at the same pictures, hoping for the same things. To get out, to see the universe, to not be stagnant anymore.
Maybe it was the lack of rest, but a light, airy feeling filled Tayel’s chest as Shy met her stare. All the bad timing Tayel worried about before didn’t seem to matter anymore. In this room with no windows and no clocks and just Shy, gazing back, Tayel had forever.
“Shy.” Her throat squeezed around the name. “I think I—”
A grating creak erupted to her right, and she froze, all her muscles rigid as her pulse sped along her neck. Shy’s gaze rolled to Jace’s cot.
“W-what time is it?” Jace’s groggy voice echoed in the dark. “Is everything okay?”
Tayel blew out a gush of air, and the pressure in her chest subsided.
Shy grimaced as she stood. “Everything’s fine, bird brain. Here to wake you two up. The rations pack are cooking breakfast, and there’s time for a bath if you want it. Oh, and a seamstress made you both snow gear.”
“Oh.” Jace smoothed out his head feathers with his talons. “Where’s Fehn?”
“Couldn’t sleep. He joined my insomniac brother last night to tinker with the shield prototype.”
“Is it going well?” Tayel asked. Her voice strained, nerves still tightening her vocal chords.
Shy shrugged. “You’ll have to ask them. Come on, I’ll take you two to the bathing rooms; they’re a little ways down the hall.”
Tayel scooted Jace ahead, following after him and Shy through the furs over the exit. She winced — one part due to the relative brightness of the hall, one part due to embarrassment. Shy must have been so relieved when Jace woke up. She couldn’t stand up fast enough.
“Men’s room is here,” Shy said. “One of the Varg can give you directions to the dining room when you’re done.”
Jace blinked slowly, his feathers bristling along his neck as he turned to trudge through the curtain of furs. “Okay. See you both there.”
“Women’s room is just ahead.” Shy led the way to the next curtain.
“Thanks,” Tayel said, but Shy’s hand closed around her wrist before she could take a second step.
“Tayel, listen.”
A stone dropped in Tayel’s stomach. Nothing good ever happened after someone told her to ‘listen’.
“There is a lot going on right now,” Shy said.
“You’re right. I shouldn’t have…” Her ability to speak vanished as Shy’s hand slid down her wrist to hold her hand. Her heart thudded to a standstill. Heat rose to her cheeks.
“Don’t misunderstand. I want to talk more — when all this is done.”
“When all what is done?” Tayel blurted, her voice cracking with anticipation.
Shy grinned like she was suppressing a laugh.
“What?” Tayel asked. “What did I—?”
“Not long, okay?” Shy’s hand slid away, but her smile remained. “Go take a bath. I’ll meet you in the dining room when you’re done.”
Tayel watched her departure all the way until Shy turned the corner out of sight, the feeling of her touch still warm in Tayel’s palm.
Chapter 24
A lightness settled in Tayel’s chest as she picked through the wooden crate of rock salts beside the tub. Her conversation with Shy replayed over and over through her thoughts, and it took scanning the unfamiliar Varg word on a label three times before she snapped to and realized she didn’t know the language.
“Pull it together,” she muttered to herself.
It didn’t matter exactly what she smelled like anyway. Anything would beat sweat and dirt. She unscrewed a jar and sprinkled the light blue rocks inside over the bath. A salty, floral tang dispersed through the steam.
Tayel peered around to the other side of the tub. The white winter clothes the seamstress had made for her sat folded on a nearby stool, but there weren’t any towels — not even a curtain to conceal her. Half a dozen Varg bathed and brushed themselves throughout the rest of the room, growling at each other conversationally. One walked, dripping wet, to a corner lined in torches and shook, a spasm rocketing from her head to her tail until all her fur had fluffed.
Tayel grimaced. Shy could have mentioned the open space. Or the lack of towels. At the very least, none of the Varg seemed to pay Tayel any mind. She undressed as modestly as she could and stepped into the basin with haste, leaving her bandaged arm to rest along the lip of the tub. The initial shock and pain at the intense temperature ebbed away, leaving her body in all-encompassing warmth.
Her muscles loosened, and she closed her eyes, cozy enough to sleep if it weren’t for the small crowd. The crowd, and the truth of what Shy said earlier: there was a lot going on. With the war pack meeting happening soon, Tayel didn’t have time to dally. She scrubbed until the water turned murky gray, and dried herself off with her old clothes before slipping into the new, fur-lined ones.
She plucked a wire brush out of the bucket by the base of the tub. Mats of white fur were stuck in the teeth. Nice. She dropped the thing back in place, and ran her fingers through her hair instead. Dry, dressed, and with hair somewhat combed, she grabbed a shard of mirror out of the same bucket and turned it toward her face. Her own eyes widened back at her.
Her skin had tanned, and a smattering of light brown freckles were newly painted across the bridge of her nose and cheeks. Her stare had a harder look to it, more narrow and capped by thicker, untrimmed eyebrows. She touched her fingers to the scabbed-over split in her bottom lip, trying to remember when it might’ve happened. This was not the face she last saw reflected months ago on Delta. It was just one more thing that changed.
When she arrived at the dining den a few minutes later, she found Fehn, Jace, Shy, and Locke already at a table. She met Shy’s eyes as she approached, a mixture of fear and elation twisting inside her. Fear at the possibility of everything between them being a dream, elation at knowing it couldn’t have been.
Jace waved her over to the open seat beside him.
“Hey,” she said, falling against the fur-lined bench. “Sorry I’m the last one here. I guess I took more time than I thought.”
“Well, I only got here a couple minutes ago,” Jace said. “Here. Grabbed you a bowl.”
“Thanks.”
“Might want to put a bit more kick in your collective steps,” Locke said. “We do have a meeting.”
“You just want to hurry up so you can get back to prodding me,” Fehn joked.
“Prodding you?” Tayel asked.
Jace paused bringing the fork to his beak. “Oh yeah, the shield prototype. How’s that going?”
“The poking is going well,” Fehn mused. “Needles are sharp. Restraints could be tighter.”
“Restraints and needles. Please,” Shy said. “You spent the whole night launching aether.”
“How else does one test a shield if not by hitting it, princess?”
“Don’t call me princess.”
“We need to go,” Locke said, eyeing his watch. “The Varg alpha isn’t going to let us in if we’re late.”
He hoisted himself up with his cane, and the rest stood after him. Tayel ate what she could of the remainder of her meal as she followed them to drop off their dishes, and then half walked, half jogged out of the den as Locke set an expedited pace toward the war room. For a man with a limp, he moved fast.