“Let’s go find Kamiko,” Romeo said, “I want to see what cosplay character she dressed up as this time.”
“Okay,” I said as Romeo pulled me along.
Christos, Madison, and Jake strolled behind.
Despite the bomb my mom had dropped about asking my dad for a divorce, I had managed to hold myself together in the days since she’d called. Sure, my legs were still wobbly and I wanted to throw up every five minutes most days, but I was determined to enjoy myself tonight.
“This place is packed,” I said, “we’re never going to find Kamiko.”
Romeo was examining a piece of paper, “I grabbed one of the paper price sheets. It says she’s number thirty-two. She should be over there somewhere,” he pointed toward the right.
The four of us walked in that direction.
“Dude,” Christos said to Jake as we wove our way through the crowd, “you still thinking about surfing the North Shore all summer?”
“Hells yeah,” Jake smiled. “I’m dreaming about Pipeline every night.”
The two of them were right behind me and Madison. I frowned at her and whispered in her ear, “Is Jake talking about your pipeline?”
Madison cackled, “No, silly Sam. He’s talking about the reef break at Banzai Beach, in Oahu.”
“Oh,” I nodded. “I just assume when guys start throwing terms around that don’t make sense, they’re talking about sex.”
“It’s a safe assumption,” Madison grinned.
Christos asked Jake, “Are you taking Mads with you?”
Jake nodded, “Of course, I would never go to Pipeline without bringing my favorite pipeline with me.”
Christos and Jake both started chuckling. Me and Madison turned to each other and said in unison, “Men!”
Jake wrapped a muscled arm around Madison and said, “You know you love it.” He smiled his endearingly white smile, always such a brilliant contrast against his bronze skin, before kissing her cheek.
Madison leaned into him, “If you weren’t so damn cute, Jake, you would never get away with talking like a heathen.”
“Does that mean I can keep talking like a heathen?”
Madison rolled her eyes for my benefit, but I could tell she was totally in love with Jake.
Christos wrapped an arm around me.
I shot him a warning glare, “Don’t start talking about my pipeline,” I joked.
“Whose pipeline?” Romeo asked. “I’m all about the pipeline. Laying it, boring it out, plugging it up, draining it—”
“Draining it?” Jake grimaced.
“Dude,” Christos smiled, “what does that even mean?”
Romeo examined his fingernails and grinned, “You really want to know?”
“NO!” me and Madison blurted.
All the young people around us were dressed in various hipster garb or clubbing outfits. I was just waiting for the lights to dim and the neon glow sticks to come out. But it still was an art gallery. There were so many people we could barely see the paintings on the walls.
“It’s this way,” Romeo said, leading everyone. “Oh my god!”
“What?” I said, curious.
“I can’t belieeeeve it!” Romeo singsonged.
“What, what?” I couldn’t see past the people Romeo had just squeezed between.
I exchanged an excited look with Madison as we squeezed up to Romeo, who had his arms around Kamiko.
“You’re not dressed like a cartoon!” Romeo cheered while hugging Kamiko.
“Okay,” she grimaced, “don’t break me.” She may have been complaining, but she was totally giggling.
When Romeo broke the hug, I finally saw Kamiko’s outfit.
“Damn, Kamiko!” I smiled. “You look totally sexy!”
Kamiko wore a sleeveless red on black colorblock bodycon zip front dress. She stood tall on black platform sandals and her hair was down.
“Whoa,” Christos said. “Kamiko, you look hot, girl.”
Kamiko blushed.
Jake nodded approval. “Nice dress, Kamiko.”
“Does anybody want to pull her zipper down as badly as I do?” Romeo asked.
“Please don’t,” Kamiko pleaded.
“I’m kidding,” Romeo smiled. “You look amazing, Kamiko,” he said genuinely. “In no way do you resemble a cartoon character tonight. If I was straight, I would totally do you. You look fabulous.”
“Thanks,” she smiled bashfully.
Romeo gave her another big hug.
Christos grinned, “If you don’t get at least ten phone numbers from good looking guys tonight, I’d be surprised.”
“Thanks,” Kamiko rolled her eyes like the idea of her meeting a guy was about as likely as the sun suddenly exploding. She said, “I just hope I sell my painting tonight.” She stood right next to it.
Christos took a closer look. “Oh shit, is that Brandon’s face on those koi?”
Kamiko’s eyes widened and we exchanged a giggle.
“OMG,” Kamiko tittered, clearly embarrassed, “is it that obvious?”
“Maybe to me,” Christos reassured, “but I’ve known that bottom feeder for a long time.”
“Which bottom feeder?” Brandon Charboneau asked, suddenly standing next to all of us.
Whoops. I guess that catfish was finally out of the bag. Well, it was technically a koi. Whatever. Either way, I hope Brandon wasn’t offended.
“Brandon!” Christos said extravagantly, clapping him on the back, clearly trying to distract from the obvious.
“Greetings, everyone,” Brandon smiled, looking dashing. “It’s a crowded house tonight, isn’t it?”
“Totally,” Christos said loudly, trying to keep Brandon’s attention away from the painting.
Maybe if Brandon didn’t figure out he was the subject of Kamiko’s painting, he would take note of how sexy Kamiko looked in her dress instead, and finally ask her out.
“Doesn’t Kamiko look sexy in her dress?” I said to Brandon. I wasn’t above hinting.
Brandon glanced at her outfit and smiled politely, “Very stylish, Kamiko.” Then he looked at the rest of us, “Well, I’ve got to circulate.” He raised his eyebrows and smiled as he squeezed past us into the crowd.
Stupid Brandumb.
At least Kamiko didn’t seem to care. “Phew!” she whispered. “That was close!”
“What are you worried about?” Romeo asked.
Kamiko glared at him, “Are you insane? If he figures out that’s him in my painting, he’ll probably ban me from selling in his gallery ever again.”
I started to say, “If he does that…”
Then, two things suddenly happened simultaneously in the next two seconds.
First, Brandon suddenly leaned back through the crowd toward us and said, “Oh, hey, Kamiko?”
And, I finished my sentence, “…then Brandon is a fucking asshole.”
Kamiko’s eyes bugged out.
Oh, fuck me backward and sideways. That foot of mine still had a mind of its own when it came to jumping in my mouth.
Romeo suddenly went into overdrive. “Uh, what Sam meant was, ahh…Brandon, you are the opposite of a fucking asshole!” Romeo’s eyes shone like he’d discovered the cure for cancer. “Yes! The complete opposite! You’re an unfucked asshole! You’re the type of asshole who’s never seen a day’s work! You’ve never been used for fucking! You’re tight as a drum! Couldn’t pass a turd the size of a vitamin pill even if you tried! ”
Note Romeo’s guilty exclamation points. They were all over the place.
Brandon arched an eyebrow.
The rest of us stood and watched in mute horror as the Loco Locomotive crashed into the side of a mountain. Oh, the calamity. At least he was trying to save my ass.
Romeo continued shoveling, “Brandon, you are the most pristine asshole the world has ever known. Fresh off the rack. Untouched, like a diamond. An asshole in the rough. Ahhh…” Romeo finally ran out of steam, looking flummoxed. “That didn’t come out quite right. Sorry.”