“Hey, you remember Dawson, right?” There was a light in her eyes I hadn’t seen in forever. It made everything I was feeling ten times worse.
“Yeah, I do.” I forced my smile to remain in place. How could I forget? He’d been my first kiss. He was my first real crush. Of course I remembered him.
“I figured you would. Well, um, he’s my fiancé.” She grinned and tossed her hands up in a ta-da fashion. She was so damn happy it caused my stomach to slosh with nausea. I wanted to be happy for her, with her, but I couldn’t. Jealousy burned through me too strong.
Emma would get to keep the guy I had always wanted. Dawson was hers. He would never be mine no matter the timing. He was another Will Pelzer. I wasn’t sure why this hurt as much as it did. After all, I hadn’t seen him in five years. It was hard to explain, but the sight of him had brought back all those feelings I’d harbored as a teen, shoving them to the surface of my mind again. For whatever reason, I’d thought this time things would be different, that this time Dawson wouldn’t see me as a child. I wouldn’t be the awkward girl he kissed on the dock that summer night so long ago, that I would be a woman he suddenly couldn’t live without.
I’d felt something between us last night. Dawson had been flirting with me, but then he’d remembered my sister. It was clear now why he had shut down. He’d shut down because of her.
Holy shit, this couldn’t get any more awkward.
“That’s great. Congratulations to the both of you.” I forced my smile to widen, hoping the twinkle in my eyes resembled happiness and not the tears of sadness I was trying to hold back. “I’ll let you two catch up. I’m going to finish setting the food out for you, Emma.” I speed walked toward the kitchen, only releasing my smile once I crossed the threshold.
Fate had screwed me over. Again.
The back door was wide open when I stepped into the kitchen. A sinking feeling slipped through me at the sight. Mom had been getting something to drink before I answered the door. Now she was gone. She couldn’t have gotten far; that’s what I told myself at least. When I reached the back door and didn’t see her, I realized that just because she wasn’t all there in the head anymore didn’t mean she couldn’t move fast. I scanned the backyard, but she was nowhere to be seen.
Shit.
I wasn’t sure if I should tell Emma or continue searching on my own.
“What are you doing? I thought you said you would set the rest of the food out for me,” Emma called from behind me.
“Mom’s gone,” I admitted. “She was in the kitchen getting something to drink when I answered the door. When I came back, the back door was wide open, and she’s nowhere in sight.”
“Damn it!” Emma muttered. She backtracked to the living room. I could hear her shouting for our mom, but I knew she wouldn’t get an answer.
I started around toward the front of the house, because the thought of Mom tromping through the woods didn’t seem likely. She wasn’t there either. The front door swung open, startling me.
“I’ve got it. I’ll find her,” Dawson assured my sister in his deep, soothing voice. “You wait here and greet everyone. I’ve got this, sweetheart. It’s okay.” I watched him kiss my sister on the forehead. It was such a sweet gesture. He loved her. He really loved her. My stomach turned.
I swallowed hard, and then spoke up. “Do you want me to help him, or stay with you?” I asked Emma. I wanted to stay with her. I didn’t want to go off with Dawson, because I couldn’t trust my mouth not to make an idiot of myself once I was alone with him. There were too many questions and harsh words waiting on the tip of my tongue for him.
Why the hell hadn’t he said anything to me?
“Go with him. Check the woods,” Emma gutted me by saying. “She’s gone in the woods once before. She never makes it far though. I’ll finish things for the party.” She glanced at her watch. I knew she was counting down. There couldn’t be much longer until the next guests arrived.
“Okay.” I started toward the back of the house without checking to see if Dawson was following me.
“Thank you, Char,” Emma said. I hated how sweet her voice sounded, how grateful she seemed that I was helping.
The sun beat down on me as I kicked off the killer heels I had on before stepping foot into the woods behind my house. They weren’t thick, but I knew better than to enter them with heels on. A broken ankle was not something I needed to add to this visit. It had already been crazy and hurtful enough.
I moved a few branches of low-lying bushes away so I could step through, my eyes scanning as far as they could for my mother. A gentle breeze blew against my skin, cooling me. I hadn’t realized how hot I was with emotion until then. Dawson matched my pace, his cologne tickling my nose. God, he smelled good. But he wasn’t mine. He was Emma’s. My back stiffened as I reminded myself of this.
“I thought you knew.” His voice was hesitant and low.
“Well, I didn’t.” I watched where I was walking, not wanting to look at him.
“She’s your sister,” he said as though it made all the difference in the world. “Don’t the two of you talk about stuff like that?”
“We talk. Sometimes.” I wasn’t sure why I answered him. We were supposed to be looking for my mentally unstable mother, not working through whatever this awkwardness between us was.
I wanted to dig a hole and die. Dawson knew I still had feelings for him. My mind flashed back to the lake last night, to the way I had looked at him as he climbed out of the water. How could he not? Jesus, I had made myself look like an idiot. My cheeks heated, and I could feel the warmth from my embarrassment spread down my neck.
“This was sort of a big thing,” he continued. His pace still matched mine, and I became hyperaware of the short amount of space between us. “Me asking her to marry me seems like something she would call you and mention.”
One would think. Why hadn’t she? Was it because she knew I would care? I frowned, because apparently she knew me better than I knew myself. She had been right. I did care for some crazy reason.
“She didn’t. Okay. I don’t know why it matters to you anyway.”
I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn’t meet his gaze. I swept the area, searching for my mom. Once we found her, I could end this moment with Dawson. There would be no more talking with him tonight. Or ever. I wouldn’t talk to him unless I had to, or at least until I could view him as my sister’s husband and not someone I had wanted for most of my life.
“I think it’s sad is all.” His words surprised me. I glanced at him then. “You two used to be so close. What happened?”
I blinked. Nothing. Nothing had happened between us. There wasn’t an argument that tore us apart or any life-changing event. Not really. We had begun to drift apart before Mom became sick. It was just life. My sister and I were different people, and that was it. Night and day.
“Nothing happened.” I shrugged.
“Something had to of happened to cause such distance between the two of you.”
“We grew up.” It was the only answer I could give, because there wasn’t another reason.
It wasn’t as though I wanted things to be this way between Emma and me. I had always wanted the opposite. I wanted us to be best friends, to call each other and talk for hours about everything and nothing. It just wasn’t the way we were. The distance between us was hard to erase, and we had nothing to pin the blame on.
We each sucked at being a sibling. It was as simple as that.
A soft moan caught my attention, pulling me from my thoughts. It was coming from somewhere to my right.
“That—” Dawson started, but I held up a hand to quiet him. Listening carefully, I waited for the noise to come again.