Did I know that? Had she mentioned it to me or to one of her doctors and I’d overheard it? Maybe she mentioned it to Charity once before while in my presence? I wasn’t sure. Either way, the statement caused icicles of panic to slip through me. I knew she wasn’t going to walk again, the doctors had made that clear, but I never let all that meant sink in until now.
A tear slipped down my cheek. I whipped it away before Dawson could see, and took another swig of my beer. “Was that what the two of you were talking about tonight? Kids?”
“Our future.” He nodded. His hand reached around to rub along the back of his neck. “She doesn’t want me hanging around anymore. Said I deserve someone who’s whole.”
Anger was quick to burst through my insides. I was pissed at Emma for thinking of herself that way. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Dawson shrugged, and shifted his eyes to lock with mine. There was a glimmer of sadness reflected there. One I could relate to. “She doesn’t want me to waste any more time with her. She thinks this is too big of a change for us to work through.” His voice shook, and I noticed a single tear slide from his eye. His gaze dropped to the fire pit. “She thinks I need to move on. Said she’s glad we aren’t married yet.”
“No.” The word pushed past my lips. Nothing more came, because I was lost in my head, trying to figure out why my sister would push Dawson away. The desire to stalk inside, and demand she give me an explanation burned through me.
He loved her. Couldn’t she see that?
“I can’t though. I still want to marry her.” His lips twisted into a sad smile. “I need her. I love her.”
“I know you do.” I erased the space between us, and wrapped my free arm around him, pulling him into me for a hug. “She knows you do, too. Things will be okay between the two of you. I’m sure of it.”
“God, I hope you’re right.” He sniffled.
I released him. “She just needs a little time.”
“I can give her that.” He wiped beneath his eyes, erasing the final signs he had lost himself for a moment. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have thrown my issues with her on you. You’ve got enough going on right now.”
“I don’t mind. Really.” I smiled. “It’s nice talking with someone else about everything who feels pretty much the same as I do about the situation.”
“It is.” He lifted his beer. “Cheers to having each other to lean on while we help Emma cope.”
“I can toast to that.” I raised my beer to meet his. “Cheers.”
Sitting beneath the night sky—one that was too hazy for us to see any stars—we finished the remainder of our beers and talked.
My mind shifted between things I could say to Emma about what Dawson had told me, ways I could make her see that just because she wasn’t able to walk didn’t mean she wasn’t worthy of his love. I also compiled a list of questions to ask the doctors at her next appointment. If she would still be able to have kids of her own was one of them.
“I DON’T THINK HER new medication is working,” I confessed to Sadie. She and I had talked nearly every day since I moved home. It was a tough decision to make, but in the end, I decided Emma and Mom needed me more than I needed school.
School would always be there; Emma and Mom wouldn’t.
It had taken me almost a week to get over the fact I had officially made the move. Knowing I would be waking up in my old room everyday was strange. At least it didn’t look the same as it did when I was younger. Emma had long ago gotten rid of my lime green walls and painted them a soothing shade of sophisticated sage. I was grateful I had little to move. There were a few boxes of toiletries, desk stuff, books, and knickknacks. The bulk of my stuff was shoes and clothes. There was one large piece of furniture I’d bought, a cheap bookshelf Dawson helped me move into the house. He also helped rearrange the room so it would fit near the desk.
He was hanging around more often now, refusing to let Emma forget he was here for her. She didn’t seem to care. The news she would never be able to give birth to children had crushed her. After learning that, nothing had seemed to matter to her. Seeing her so broken was hard.
“Is she eating much yet?” Sadie asked. She knew how worried I had all become about Emma’s lack of appetite. At her last appointment, the doctors mentioned to me they might be forced to hospitalize her if her next visit showed she lost more weight.
“No.” I braced myself for what I knew Sadie would most likely say next.
“Are you waiting until her next visit, or are you planning to call and let the doctor know now that she isn’t improving?”
“I don’t know.” I hated to call. It made me feel as though I was admitting I had failed Emma, that I couldn’t get her to heal. Instead, I had let her sink further into her depression. “Maybe she just needs more time.”
“When’s her next appointment?”
“Three months.”
“Char, you need to think about calling. What if in another three months she’s gotten worse?” Sadie was always the voice of reason. It was part of the reason why she was my best friend. “Maybe you and Dawson should sit down and discuss it together, that way it won’t seem like it’s you making the decision alone.”
I liked her idea, but I also hated how inept and young it made me feel. Emma was my sister. I should be able to make these decisions on my own. Then again, Dawson was her fiancé. It only seemed fair that he have a say.
“He will probably be over tonight for dinner.” I swatted at a mosquito, and scratched where it had bit my leg. The only thing I hated about summer in Parish Cove was the bugs. “I guess I’ll bring it up sometime before he leaves.”
“I really think you should,” she reiterated. “It’s time.”
My eyes shifted to the back door of the house, where I noticed movement. Carla was standing there; a small smile twisted her round face. It must be four, which meant it was time for her to leave for the day. My time to myself was over. At least until tonight when everyone was in bed.
“I need to get off here.” I sighed. “Carla is leaving.”
“Okay. Oh, hey, wait.”
“Yeah?”
“Remember Johnny from Black Bash?” Sadie asked. “The one who liked you?”
“Um. Yeah.” How could I forget? Not only was he hot as hell and our chemistry off the charts, he was also part of my before. Before I answered the phone call that changed my life forever. “What about him?”
“He asked about you the other night.”
My lips twisted into a smile, even though I wasn’t sure why. Nothing could happen between the two of us, not with me living in Parish Cove. “What did he say?”
“He wanted to know how you were doing, if you were coming back.” I could hear a hint of a smile in her words.
“And what did you say?”
“The truth.” She sounded as deflated as I felt. “He said he would love to catch up with you though, if you ever decided to come for a visit or whatever. He wanted me to give you his number.”
I wouldn’t be coming back. Not anytime soon. “I don’t want his number.”
“What? Why not?” She was shocked. I wasn’t sure why though.
I buried my face in my hands. “Because I’m not coming back anytime soon. There’s no point in getting his hopes up or having him wait. No point in even talking to him really, not if I know we probably will never see each other again.”
“So that means you’re not coming back to visit me either?”
“I didn’t mean that. I just don’t see the point in trying to start a relationship with him. Besides, I have too much on my plate to focus on one more person. I can barely focus on myself right now.” My words came out in an exasperated puff of air.
“Wow. Glad I know how you feel about being here now. I didn’t realize it was holding you back in all aspects of your life, or that you felt spread so damn thin.” Emma’s voice startled me. She was behind me. I hadn’t realized she was even outside.