Hearing this reply, Imola’s heart began to beat harder; yes, in that case she could ask Karla, and she would too.
She did not know what.
But the tone of her voice alarmed the baroness a little. Good Lord, what does this ignorant little creature want from me.
In the absence of mutual trust, they again laughed.
Ever since our engagement, no, I don’t want to lie to you, from the mere announcement of our engagement, our life has been nothing but fulfillment of duties. As if I were being given a taste of what is waiting for me in the future when it comes to public appearances.
And on top of that, I’m also burdening you with my own heavy obligations.
These people’s problem is not that they are monsters, believe me, but I’d never have thought that so many wonderful people walk around with bad breath.
Come, come, let’s not exaggerate.
I can’t help longing for the good old days.
What good old days, you’re still a child practically.
When on a beautiful summer morning she innocently got out of bed, walked out on the terrace, down the sunny steps, and kept walking barefoot in the dewy grass.
I am truly sorry to rob you of your free hours.
Oh, don’t make it into a reproach, this is only a bit of complaining, who else may I complain to if not to you. I am full of complaints, and you may have an explanation for my constant state of irritation, but I feel I shall be happy, I can feel it, very happy and satisfied. Mihály is a wonderful man, believe me.
I do have one saving idea, if you don’t mind my mentioning it, said Baroness Thum, somewhat dampening the other woman’s enthusiasm, and at this moment they stopped by a low ivy-covered fence. You can have a migraine at any time for any reason, and you need not feel an obligation or duty about anything on my account. Erika is a simple soul, you should know she was born a Vierort and because of dear Otmar she has accustomed herself to all sorts of bad habits.
If I am a burden to you at this lunch, I’d just as soon stay away, of course.
How could you be a burden to me, on the contrary.
What kind of family are these Vierorts, tell me, asked the countess evasively — she was somewhat irritated — it seems I’ve not been well informed.
Nothing special, bourgeois, said the baroness in a tone indicating that while she understood someone might marry below his rank, to do so far from a natural act.
With her, I can make any excuse for you, no problem at all, she added.
A long moment passed during which no discernable feeling showed on Countess Auenberg’s symmetrical face. Perhaps the surprise made her indifferent, but what surprised her was not that Schuer had married below his rank, but that her friend was willing to play devious games to keep her away from this fetching man. Imola could have continued her earlier thought by saying that she kept walking in the dewy grass until she reached the tiny lake hidden among old willows where, blinded by morning light, she had caught sight of Karla in the water up to her thighs. She had arrived only the day before, in the afternoon, but her dubious reputation had preceded her by years.
The Auenberg girls were dying to see this fallen woman at last, related to the Wolkensteins on the Tyrolean branch of the family, whose illegitimate child, only a few weeks after its birth and with the mediation of the girls’ stepmother, was placed with a wet nurse in a village on their estate in Fánt. They wanted to see the innocent baby as soon as possible. At supper the evening before, however, the fallen female relative had disappointed and surprised them. She was everything but a jolly debauched female. A serious, severely beautiful, not too well dressed student, pale from the difficulties in seeing her baby again, on whom nothing could be seen of a fast life. Still, for long minutes, standing in the lake, she seemed quite unlike her well-behaved self of the previous evening; and she did not notice the young girl spying on her. With her arms held out tautly, she was slapping the surface of the water around her like a child. Yet she was stark naked under the open sky where any of the servants or the gardener could have surprised her; she was so deeply immersed in herself that she seemed unaware of her brilliant nakedness.
Which, at the castle of Fánt, was not an imaginable thing.
To strip naked.
The Auenberg girls were given baths separately; the strict morals with which they were being raised forbade them to see not only other people without their clothes but also one another and, if possible, even themselves.
They begged their stepmother in vain to take their carriage and ride over to see the unfortunate little boy.
We are receiving Karla with sisterly love, their stepmother instructed them, she may come to us anytime she wishes to visit her little boy. To judge her way of life or to forgive her sins is not our business, but we are not bound socially to her illegitimate child.
This severity pained Imola no less than did thinking about her own mother, whom she could not, despite all her efforts, cast out of her heart. Sometimes she thought of the accursed little boy so she could tell herself it was his suffering that hurt her so much and not the yawning absence of her own mother. And Karla’s severely beautiful nakedness enthralled her for a lifetime; her sun-illuminated hair pinned up high on her head, the rich, dark pubic hair on the mound of her modesty so bright in the light reflected from the lake’s surface.
To this day, it was enough to gaze at her blondness, winding and twisting in myriad strands on her magically cambered high, strong forehead to remember her mound of Venus.
Actually, what on earth do you want of me, she suddenly cried, stifling her temper so forcefully that the demand sounded more like a plea. They could both hear the quiet street filling up with her voice, and they both disapproved of it. What reached her consciousness with a slight delay and surprised her was the kind of impossibility Karla was suggesting or, rather, demanding of her.
But the shouting did not ruffle the baroness.
I do, I do understand that you can’t give up even this invitation to lunch.
What do you mean, even this invitation.
Nothing, the way I see it, you cannot give up anything, and at your age that’s as it should be. At your age I couldn’t give up anything either. Even today, I can barely give up anything. A little feeling, a little love, today I hardly ask more than that from anyone, she said with a tense, constrained smile as she took out her key.
She could have said that she nevertheless needed the emotions denied her.
They had to take a few more steps to reach the garden gate.
Their footsteps made the only sound; the street was deserted.
But I’ve admitted it. How else can I put it — I’m terribly confused. I’m confused because of you, and I’m confused about my engagement. What else may I confess to you. That’s just what I’m asking, Karla, what should I do, what should I do against my passion, said Imola, suddenly plaintive and conciliatory, her voice stimulating her emotions to the point where self-pity almost made her burst into tears.
Claiming to have a migraine, I’d only make myself ridiculous.
In their language, this meant that during this short time she had managed to fall head over heels in love with Baron von der Schuer, a ridiculous and disheartening development.
More precisely, this is how she was defending herself against Karla’s senseless attack. Karla was looking at her with genuine annoyance and a certain aversion — though her performance, in the psychological meaning of the word, was not senseless. She hadn’t really fallen head over heels in love with the man, yet she could not bear anyone keeping her from getting to know him more intimately. She wanted to see the peculiar similarity that linked him to Mihály, to the sculptor, or to all other men. At the sight of these grown men she almost fainted in little-girl astonishment. She did not understand a word of the situation. Which is why she so readily revealed her emotional vulnerability. This required great mental strength but it helped to jolt her temper to a new place. Her urge to weep was prompted by genuine, devastating fury. She was ready to hate Karla, and she did hate her for trying to keep her from doing something.