Here let me mention that, in my day, I was not a bad-looking fellow. I was broad of shoulder, lean of physique, though admittedly I tended to slouch. My hairline was respectable, and more than one woman had told me I possessed fine hands. Though I wouldn’t say anyone had ever called me devilishly handsome, I could tell when certain women in the faculty senate cast an appraising glance my way. So, when I donned that bear parka, and stood to my full height, I can attest with a certain authority that Yulia gave me a look — a darting, up-and-down flash of the eyes — that suggested this evening might take a turn toward the salacious.
The coat made me feel large and stoic.
I clapped my hands twice. I needed to make a speech.
“Your attention, please,” I said. “A toast is in order.”
Lorraine shifted into bartender mode, pouring sodas from two-liter bottles into paper cups my father stoked with ice cubes. Farley took the opportunity to stick toothpicks in his mushroom surprise, and Eggers circled the Formica-topped island, pushing his prized potato chips on everyone.
When the sodas had gone around, I lifted my cup high.
“To my students, Eggers and Trudy,” I said. All eyes turned to me, and there was my father, looking, for once, anticipatory and proud. Lorraine even seemed strangely at home with our company — it felt like she belonged. Farley sported an oven mitt, and at that moment, he was the brother I’d never had. As for Eggers and Trudy — I couldn’t even look at them without getting choked up.
“To my students,” I said again, but my lip began to quiver. Yulia cocked her head slightly, her eyes sending me support and understanding, and when I thought what a lucky man I was, when I took stock of all I’d been blessed with, the tears started to flow. I had to set my soda down and cover my face. Yulia put a hand on my shoulder. She thumbed the streams from my cheeks. This was happiness overpowering me. This is joy I’m talking about. I cleared my sinuses and tried to compose myself, but the emotion wouldn’t let go.
“Here, here,” Farley said, and everyone drank.
I’d never felt happier. To Yulia, I opened my arms for a hug. She looked a little surprised and tried to give me one of those lean-way-over-and-tap-you-on-the-back hugs. I knew all about halfhearted touching techniques. I was an expert at spotting those. When I got my arms around Yulia, I showed her a real embrace. I pulled her shoulders into mine. Through four inches of bear fur I could feel the pressure of her breasts as they struggled, fought, and then relinquished against me. Yulia said something rapidly in Russian, yet I understood her. When it comes to certain utterances between a man and a woman, no translation is needed.
I was on top of the world. I walked around the kitchen island to Eggers, who was going through all the cabinets, even though each door was labeled with a strip of masking tape that spelled out the contents inside. He was checking to see which Tupperware containers were airtight and which had matching lids. By the time I grabbed his shoulder, he was holding a frying pan in each hand, as if determining the heavier and more capable.
We both wore dark parkas. We were family. I admit I was still a little weepy. “Eggers,” I said, “I want you to know how touched I am by this coat.”
He set the pans down and, without really glancing at me, inspected some resealable freezer bags. “Sure, Dr. Hannah. You’re the greatest. Don’t sweat it.”
He tugged the bags this way and that, to test their give.
I squeezed his shoulder. “Eggers,” I said, “nobody’s ever done anything like this for me.”
Eggers set the bags aside and eyed a roll of plastic wrap.
“That’s great, Dr. Hannah,” he said. “Don’t mention it.”
He unrolled some of the wrap and stretched it to its breaking point.
I looked him in the eye and said, “Whenever I can be of service to you, anytime, anyplace, and no matter what engaged, I will assist you.”
I don’t know how Trudy’s words came to my lips, but after I’d said them, I’d never felt better. It had reassured me immeasurably to hear those words from Trudy, but now I’d discovered it felt even better to speak them to others.
Eggers went back to the bags. He handed me a one-gallon freezer bag and asked me to hold it open while he poured half of the corn — about a kilo — directly from Keno’s ball. Tiny and opalescent, the beads of corn shifted like tapioca pearls.
“That goes to Dr. Nivitski for research,” Eggers said. “The rest is mine.”
Corn in hand, I turned from Eggers to find my father and Lorraine. They were standing over the sink, talking. I couldn’t help it. I was in such a mood that I said to them, “Whenever I can be of service to either of you, anytime, anyplace, and no matter what engaged, I will assist you.”
My father just stared at me.
Lorraine said, “Well, good to hear. That’s great news.”
For spice, I added, “Believe me, I’ll be there for you. Take it to the bank.”
I felt like a million dollars. I downed a whole glass of soda and followed it with a fistful of chips. Vadim was standing there. I tugged the kid’s yellow jacket.
An eleven-year-old with a missing parent can be a tough customer. I knew that.
Still, I said, “Whenever you need me, little guy, I’ll be there. You get caught in a tough spot — I’m your man.”
He looked up at me with an expression of cool incomprehension.
“Why do you say that?” he asked.
“You’re a kid,” I told him. “Kids need to know when people are there for them.”
Trudy was right behind Vadim. I scruffed the kid’s hair and stepped past him. Why hadn’t I been telling people these things all along? When I neared her, I saw Keno’s cracked ball on the table next to the chip bowl. Trudy was fingering it, inspecting it.
“Trudy,” I said, “never has such a gift been bestowed upon me.”
“It looks great on you,” she said. “We were worried it wouldn’t fit.”
“Well, I have a gift for you. Whenever I can be of service to you, anytime, anyplace, and no matter what engaged, I will assist you.”
“Oh, that’s sweet, Dr. Hannah.” She patted my hand.
When I realized I had just pledged her own vow back to her, I felt like an absolute idiot. The only thing I could do was strengthen the pledge even more. “Trudy, I declare, by way of gratitude, never to leave you when you need my aid, no matter how perilous your situation, no matter what personal risk I may incur.”
I didn’t want her to up the ante as well, and possibly refer to my pledge as “cute,” so I quickly sidestepped her. I returned to Yulia, who still had a bit of a stunned look on her face. I handed her the bag, half full of corn. She held it up between us, examining the contents. “Here’s the genuine article,” I said. “This is a one-in-a-million find.”
Did she want me to grab her again? Had her bosom forgotten me so soon?
“We shall see,” she said. “I will have to get it into my lab. There it will be subject to many late nights of rigorous testing and strict standards.”
I was no schoolyard kid when it came to the art of double-entendre. I knew exactly what the little lady was getting at. When she lowered the bag, I gave her, unmistakably, the eye. “Perhaps you could use a lab partner,” I said. “A man with experience and ability, a man who has the endurance to take on a challenge, who will keep delivering and delivering until he unlocks the dark mystery and makes it burst with song.”
Yulia leaned against the counter and shook the ice in her soda. “I have high-tech equipment for that kind of work,” she said. “I would not waste man-hours in the lab that way.”