I nodded. This conversation was having an uncomfortable effect on me. I was feeling numb and strangely tingly, as if I were coming down with ’flu. I am not pretending I didn’t know they were attracted to each other, they were both good-looking and on the circuit and, as I’ve admitted, I’d seen the kissing incident at Terry’s ball. That was enough to make me jealous and angry and indignant, but this… this was something entirely different. This was when I learned a lesson I will not now lose, although it has come too late to do much good. Namely, that just because you start people off, you do not control them thereafter, nor do you have the right to pretend that you do. However Damian began that year under my aegis, however he met those people initially, he was living a life among them, in that world, by the end of it, that was as valid as my own. I had brought him out from under his stone, but at the finish he’d held the promise in his hands of what would have constituted my whole life’s happiness. I was so jealous I wanted to kill almost anybody.
‘Well, somehow her parents got wind of the whole plan. I thought later it might have been Andrew who had tipped off his mother, the dreaded Lady B. Wasn’t she ghastly tonight?’
‘Ghastly.’
‘Well, she was desperate to catch Serena for Andrew and she might have deliberately put a spoke in the works, but we’ll never know. On the day, Damian and Serena drove down together from London. I was coming from somewhere or other, but I got here at about five, after most of the house party, and they were all having tea in the drawing room. Of course, Aunt Roo was being very charming-’
‘Why is she called Aunt Roo?’
She thought for a moment. ‘I’m not completely sure. I think it’s something to do with Winnie the Pooh. Remember the mother kangaroo was called Kanga and the baby was called Roo?’ I nodded. ‘It was some game they used to play at Barrymount, when they were growing up in Ireland. Her real name’s Rosemary, but she was always Roo in the family.’ Somehow Lady Claremont’s nickname only reinforced the iron walls of the culture that Damian, in his youthful ignorance, took on all those years ago.
‘Anyway, when I came in, Damian was trying very hard. Too hard. He smiled and chatted and giggled and flashed and flickered, and Aunt Roo laughed and asked him about Cambridge and so on, but I remember thinking Uncle Pel was very quiet – which he wasn’t usually in those days – and I could tell by the look she gave me, that Serena knew it wasn’t going as well as Damian obviously thought. The guests who were staying did that silent thing, of not quite laughing and not quite letting him in. My other aunt was there, and as Damian was rabbiting on, Aunt Sheila and Roo kept swapping quiet, sisterly glances, which seemed so unkind and disloyal. I can see that’s not terribly logical for me to say, but I felt infuriated for Serena, for both of them really.’ She paused, breathless with the memory. ‘I suppose that was the moment when I realised it wasn’t going to work.’
She stopped for a moment, as if this was the first time she had ever fully registered this salient point. ‘So. We all went up to change and I was sitting at my dressing table, doing my best with my hair. I remember I’d forgotten to have it done, which seems a bit mad for your own dance, but at this precise moment there was a knock and Roo and Pel came into the room. They were already changed and Roo was covered in diamonds, and it should all have been rather merry and gay, but somehow it wasn’t. Then Uncle Pel said, “How long has this been going on?” And we were all quite quiet, as if someone was supposed to ask what he was talking about, but of course we all knew what he was talking about, so there wasn’t any point. Then I started a defence of Serena and Damian, of both of them, but even as I was talking I could hear that it all sounded so childish and ridiculous, as if I were suddenly seeing it through their eyes. I’d never been with Uncle Pel when he was so angry, in fact I’d never really seen him angry at all, but that night he was bulging with anger, blazing with it. “She wants to run off with this smarmy, little oik?” he said. “This greaser, with his oily hair and his dodgy vowels and his ‘pleased to meet you’ and his clothes from Marks and Spencer?” I’ve never forgotten that. “His clothes from Marks and Spencer.” And I looked at Roo and she said “Watson unpacked for him,” and that was that. Then it was her turn. “Of course we want Serena to be happy,” she said. “It’s all we want. Truly.” Which it obviously wasn’t. “But you see, we want her to be happy in a way we understand, in a way that will last.”’
‘I said I thought that this would last, but even as I spoke the words I felt like some little, preppy, Sandra Dee figure asking to be allowed to stay out late.’ Candida sighed. ‘I’m afraid I wasn’t much use.’
‘Did Damian really say “pleased to meet you”?’
‘Apparently. It just shows how nervous he must have been.’
‘Poor chap. Was that it?’
She shook her head. ‘By no means. Uncle Pel hadn’t finished. He was absolutely fizzing and he sort of waved his finger at me, right under my nose, like a teacher in a situation comedy, as if I were the guilty one, which I now think he must have believed, since he knew I’d connived in getting Damian up there. “You tell Serena to get rid of this little social-climbing, money-grubbing shit,” he said. “You tell her to dump him, if she doesn’t want to leave it to me to manage. That kind of chap comes into this house by the servants’ entrance, or not at all.”’
I couldn’t help interrupting. ‘That sounds rather vulgar for the Lord Claremont I remember.’
Candida nodded. ‘You’re right. It wasn’t him at all. I think he was just so angry that his mental, editing machine had switched itself off. In fairness to Roo, it was too much for her, too, and she slapped him down. She said, “Really, Pel, don’t be so idiotic. You sound like a period drama on television. You’ll be telling him to get off your land next.” When she said that I smiled. I couldn’t help myself, but Roo saw it as a breach in the wall and she turned to me in the most coaxing way. “We have nothing against this young man, Candida,” she said, and she spoke very calmly, but in a way her calmness was more deadly to Serena’s hopes than Pel’s fury, as I could tell it was not a mood that might blow away in the morning. “Honestly we don’t. He is making an effort to be nice and he is perfectly welcome as a guest. But you must see it’s out of the question. The whole thing is simply ludicrous and that’s all there is to it.” She paused, I assume to let me nod. Which I didn’t, so she ploughed on. “Just find a way to tell Serena that we don’t think it a good idea. It’ll come much better from you. If we tackle her it’ll blow up into a hideous production. She’s a sensible girl. I’m sure she’ll see the wisdom of what we’re saying when she’s had time to think.’ I asked her if they wanted me to tell Serena that night, but she shook her head. “No. Don’t spoil the party,” she said. “Tell her tomorrow or the next day, before you leave. When you have a quiet moment.” Then she waited for a response and I suppose, by being silent, in a way I’d agreed.’
‘So did you?’
Again Candida shook her head. ‘I didn’t have to. That’s the point. After we’d all stopped hissing at each other we could hear the sounds of the first batch of people arriving for dinner, and Pel and Roo went down to greet them. I was still sitting in front of the glass, feeling a bit bludgeoned to tell the truth, and I heard a voice. “That’s me told.” I looked over and Damian was standing there.’