«Haw,» the man said. «A gut-buster. A comedian. Wait’ll I loosen my belt.» He took a couple of steps farther into the room and I took the same number towards him.
«My name is Walter Gage,» I said. «Are you Eichelberger?»
«Gimme a nickel,» he said, «and I’ll tell you.»
I ignored that. «I am the fiancé of Miss Ellen Macintosh,» I told him coldly. «I am informed that you tried to kiss her.»
He took another step towards me and I another towards him. «Whaddaya mean — tried?» he sneered.
I led sharply with my right and it landed flush on his chin. It seemed to me a good solid punch, but it scarcely moved him. I then put two hard left jabs into his neck and landed a second hard right at the side of his rather wide nose. He snorted and hit me in the solar plexus.
I bent over and took hold of the room with both hands and spun it. When I had it nicely spinning I gave it a full swing and hit myself on the back of the head with the floor. This made me lose my balance temporarily and while I was thinking about how to regain it a wet towel began to slap at my face and I opened my eyes. The face of Henry Eichelberger was close to mine and bore a certain appearance of solicitude.
«Bud,» his voice said, «your stomach is as weak as a Chinaman’s tea.»
«Brandy!» I croaked. «What happened?»
«You tripped on a little tear in the carpet, bud. You really got to have liquor?»
«Brandy,» I croaked again, and closed my eyes.
«I hope it don’t get me started,» his voice said.
A door opened and closed. I lay motionless and tried to avoid being sick at my stomach. The time passed slowly, in a long gray veil. Then the door of the room opened and closed once more and a moment later something hard was being pressed against my lips. I opened my mouth and liquor poured down my throat. I coughed, but the fiery liquid coursed through my veins and strengthened me at once. I sat up.
«Thank you, Henry,» I said. «May I call you Henry?»
«No tax on it, bud.»
I got to my feet and stood before him. He stared at me curiously. «You look O.K.,» he said. «Why’n’t you told me you was sick?»
«Damn you, Eichelberger!» I said and hit with all my strength on the side of his jaw. He shook his head and his eyes seemed annoyed. I delivered three more punches to his face and jaw while he was still shaking his head.
«So you wanta play for keeps!» he yelled and took hold of the bed and threw it at me.
I dodged the corner of the bed, but in doing so I moved a little too quickly and lost my balance and pushed my head about four inches into the baseboard under the window.
A wet towel began to slap at my face. I opened my eyes.
«Listen, kid. You got two strikes and no balls on you. Maybe you oughta try a lighter bat.»
«Brandy,» I croaked.
«You’ll take rye.» He pressed a glass against my lips and I drank thirstily. Then I climbed to my feet again.
The bed, to my astonishment, had not moved. I sat down on it and Henry Eichelberger sat down beside me and patted my shoulder.
«You and me could get along,» he said. «I never kissed your girl, although I ain’t saying I wouldn’t like to. Is that all is worrying at you?»
He poured himself half a waterglassful of the whiskey out of the pint bottle which he had gone out to buy. He swallowed the liquor thoughtfully.
«No, there is another matter,» I said.
«Shoot. But no more haymakers. Promise?»
I promised him rather reluctantly. «Why did you leave the employ of Mrs. Penruddock?» I asked him.
He looked at me from under his shaggy blond eyebrows. Then he looked at the bottle he was holding in his hand. «Would you call me a looker?» he asked.
«Well, Henry —»
«Don’t pansy up on me,» he snarled.
«No, Henry, I should not call you very handsome. But unquestionably you are virile.»
He poured another half-waterglassful of whiskey and handed it to me. «Your turn,» he said. I drank it down without fully realizing what I was doing. When I had stopped coughing Henry took the glass out of my hand and refilled it. He took his own drink moodily. The bottle was now nearly empty.
«Suppose you fell for a dame with all the looks this side of heaven. With a map like mine. A guy like me, a guy from the stockyards that played himself a lot of very tough left end at a cow college and left his looks and education on the scoreboard. A guy that has fought everything but whales and freight hogs — engines to you — and licked ’em all, but naturally had to take a sock now and then. Then I get a job where I see this lovely all the time and every day and know it’s no dice. What would you do, pal? Me, I just quit the job.»
«Henry, I’d like to shake your hand,» I said.
He shook hands with me listlessly. «So I ask for my time,» he said. «What else would I do?» He held the bottle up and looked at it against the light. «Bo, you made an error when you had me get this. When I start drinking it’s a world cruise. You got plenty dough?»
«Certainly,» I said. «If whiskey is what you want, Henry, whiskey is what you shall have. I have a very nice apartment on Franklin Avenue in Hollywood and while I cast no aspersions on your own humble and of course quite temporary abode, I now suggest we repair to my apartment, which is a good deal larger and gives one more room to extend one’s elbow.» I waved my hand airily.
«Say, you’re drunk,» Henry said, with admiration in his small green eyes.
«I am not yet drunk, Henry, although I do in fact feel the effect of that whiskey and very pleasantly. You must not mind my way of talking which is a personal matter, like your own clipped and concise method of speech. But before we depart there is one other rather insignificant detail I wish to discuss with you. I am empowered to arrange for the return of Mrs. Penruddock’s pearls. I understand there is some possibility that you may have stolen them.»
«Son, you take some awful chances,» Henry said softly.
«This is a business matter, Henry, and plain talk is the best way to settle it. The pearls are only false pearls, so we should very easily be able to come to an agreement. I mean you no ill will, Henry, and I am obliged to you for procuring the whiskey, but business is business. Will you take fifty dollars and return the pearls and no questions asked?»
Henry laughed shortly and mirthlessly, but he seemed to have no animosity in his voice when he said: «So you think I stole some marbles and am sitting around here waiting for a flock of dicks to swarm me?»
«No police have been told, Henry, and you may not have known the pearls were false. Pass the liquor, Henry.»
He poured me most of what was left in the bottle, and I drank it down with the greatest good humor. I threw the glass at the mirror, but unfortunately missed. The glass, which was of heavy and cheap construction, fell on the floor and did not break. Henry Eichelberger laughed heartily.
«What are you laughing at, Henry?»
«Nothing,» he said. «I was just thinking what a sucker some guy is finding out he is — about them marbles.»
«You mean you did not steal the pearls, Henry?»
He laughed again, a little gloomily. «Yeah,» he said, «meaning no. I oughta sock you, but what the hell? Any guy can get a bum idea. No, I didn’t steal no pearls, bud. If they was ringers, I wouldn’t be bothered, and if they was what they looked like the one time I saw them on the old lady’s neck, I wouldn’t decidedly be holed up in no cheap flot in L.A. waiting for a couple carloads of johns to put the sneeze on me.»
I reached for his hand again and shook it.
«That is all I required to know,» I said happily. «Now I am at peace. We shall now go to my apartment and consider ways and means to recover these pearls. You and I together should make a team that can conquer any opposition, Henry.»