The way to ssshasssha, she thought. I wonder if Fthoom knows? I wonder how much our magicians know that they haven’t told us?
Time—
We have time, said Ebon. Time isn’t a—a thing. And the Caves are the Caves; day and night aren’t things either. And days—hours—are different.
The Caves themselves help with going there, with ssshuuwuushuu. You’re half there just by crossing the threshold. It’s why if you can’t go there yourself the Caves are harder—like the difference between jumping and being thrown. He paused. Once you’re there, it’s—it’s almost like dreaming, when you’re in your dream as yourself instead of your dreaming self, when you’re both nothing and everything in your dream. Everything matters when you’re not in now.
She gave a little grunt of surprised laughter. I almost know what you mean.
Ebon smiled. Of course you do. How could you not at least almost know anything I know?
It’ll be all right, she said.
Eah. Yes, it will.
But her heart was beating rather too quickly when she and Ebon arrived at the clearing near the entrance to the Caves. Sylvi had one hand wrapped around the little wooden bead Ebon had just dropped round her neck; he was wearing one too. Its creamy glow was startling against his blackness.
Lrrianay was there ahead of them; he too wore a bead. From a distance it seemed as if Lrrianay himself shone with a soft brilliance. If Viktur’s soldiers had first seen a pegasus like this, Sylvi thought, they would have been sure he was a god, or at least the numen of the land—the sweet green land. There was another pegasus with him, wearing a little bag around his neck which did not glow. It took her a moment to recognise him: Hibeehea.
She didn’t mean to—she meant to be poised and perfectly behaved—but she stopped dead. Ebon stopped too, and looked at her inquiringly.
Hibeehea, she said, and felt that even her silent voice shook.
We have to have a shaman with us to go into the Caves, said Ebon.
He had told her that. She had forgotten. Hibeehea? she said. No—wait—you’re going to tell me what a great honour it is again.
Well, it is, he said. I didn’t know it was going to be Hibeehea either.
She made her feet start moving again. Poised, she thought. Perfectly behaved. Lrrianay and Hibeehea turned to look at her and Ebon, but they showed no impatience—would I know what impatience looks like in a pegasus? thought Sylvi. I’ve never seen one impatient. Maybe I just don’t know what it looks like. But maybe they’re never impatient. She glanced at Ebon. He gets impatient, she thought.
Some of this slid inadvertently into her speaking range. Not knowing where the border was was a good deal more worrisome now that she was talking to more pegasi than just Ebon, and Hibeehea. . . .
Ebon glanced back at her. Impatient? No, I don’t feel impatient. I . . . There was a brief pause. Come to think about it, I feel kind of scared. That’s good, right? We can be scared together.
She tried to laugh and almost succeeded. She thought, He’s afraid I’ll make a mess of it. She was sure she had been careful to think that on the safe, private side of the silent border, but Ebon turned on her and said, Don’t ever think that. About anything. You’re my heart’s sister, even if you are a funny shape and walk on your hind legs all the time and rattle away out loud like a donkey or a bird. I’m frightened because you’re frightened, and because it’s hard—it can be hard—the first time going into the Caves, and you’re old for it—you can’t do ssshuuwuushuu and the ssshasssha will be like . . . being thrown in a cold dark lake when you can’t swim and you’ve never seen water before.
Unbidden, something Ahathin had said to her years ago came back to her, something he had said to her shortly before her binding, about apprentice magicians learning the language of the pegasi: Imagine learning to swim by being thrown into a lake in perfect darkness, never having seen water before.
I need to think about this, she thought suddenly. I need—
We start ’em young, and you only go in for a mouthful of moments your first time, and . . . His silent-voice trailed away.
And I’m a funny shape, and I talk out loud, she said.
He looked at her and there was another pause; but all he said, un-Ebon-like, was, Yes.
Then she was making her bows and greetings to Lrrianay and Hibeehea, and Hibeehea was standing very close to her—so close she had to stop herself stepping backward—to distract herself she looked up, and saw that there were many pegasi standing at the edge of the clearing, among the trees; she had not noticed them before. Niahi nodded her head and—waved, stretching one wing out and forward, and flicking it up and down. Hesitantly Sylvi raised a thin bare arm and waved back. The queen, standing beside Niahi, stepped forward, and at once Sylvi turned toward her: she was less scary than either Hibeehea or Lrrianay. Sylvi’s eyes fell to her garnet, still round the queen’s neck, lying where the bright beads lay round Lrrianay’s or Ebon’s. As the queen moved into the sunlight, the little garnet flared briefly, red as a torch.
Aliaalia said, As you are a girl, it is your mother who should take you into the Caves for the first time. But the leader of your kinsfolk may choose to do it instead. Ebon is your kin here, and Lrrianay wishes to take you. But I want you to know, little Sylvi, that I would have been happy and proud to bring you into our Caves myself. Go well, daughter, and may you see all you will see. She brushed her velvet cheek across Sylvi’s cheek, and walked back to the edge of the trees where Niahi waited for her.
See all I will see? thought Sylvi.
Lrrianay nodded and led the way. Hibeehea followed, and Ebon dropped half a step behind Sylvi and (she felt) chivvied her forward. She thought she was probably glad for a little chivvying. She let go of her bead as they passed the threshold, into the twilight of the Caves.
Her first impression of the Caves was merely the sound of her first footstep, when she crossed from turf to packed earth. Her second impression was of darkness, in spite of candlelight and her bead, as she stepped from daylight into the cave mouth.
There was a pegasus she had not seen before just inside, who bowed to them all; there was a little round space like an antechamber with a cluster of tall candles at its centre, and Lrrianay paused. Sylvi involuntarily looked back, toward the daylight and the trees and the open air. She was looking past Ebon, blacker than ever against the light, with the tiny dazzle of his bead against his chest. He seemed taller than a carriage-horse, bigger and broader than a war-horse, standing between her and the sun. She didn’t even know how long they would be in the Caves, how long before she would see daylight again: It depends, Ebon had said. It’s not—not a useful question, “how long?” We’ll stop when we get tired or hungry.
“Stop”? thought Sylvi. Don’t you mean come back outdoors? But she hadn’t asked.
Lrrianay glanced at her. Yes, I’m here, she thought—to herself, she hoped. With my two legs and my preposterous hands. I wish I could stop thinking, so I could stop worrying about anyone overhearing me. But . . . She thought of Niahi: spooky, she’d said. Full. Very cautiously Sylvi tried to feel her way into the little anteroom of the Cave she stood in—“felt” in the way she “listened” to Ebon.