She settled her gaze upon him in a way she hoped did not make her appear broken, did not ask for pity, but just a chance to make it work. “Yes,” she said.
ABE
Happiness.
Where had that word come from?
On the walk back to the bar, he realized that he’d not thought of happiness in years, that happiness was like childhood, a place he could not return to or recapture in the present. A dark wonder settled over him as he recognized that he couldn’t actually remember the last time he was happy, though he suspected it had been the years during which he’d tried to make it, have his own group, cut records, tour, be known. He’d stopped trying for any of that years before, and the truth of why he’d stopped had tapped lightly at the door of his consciousness ever since, though he’d rarely let it in. Now he did. It was laziness, pure and simple. Even if he’d actually had talent, making a name for himself would still have required more energy than he’d ever had.
For a moment he considered his talents. They were few and modest. The greatest one, he decided, was just the talent for going on.
SARA
She wasn’t sure why, but suddenly all the reasons she should keep her head down only made her want to lift it more. She knew that to show up at McPherson’s, even if only for a few songs before the usual crowd, was dangerous. You never knew who might wander in. Certainly Labriola himself never frequented such places. It would be far more likely for Tony to show up, probably alone, taking the off chance that she might have returned to her old life. It wasn’t likely, of course, and yet it was something she had to consider.
So why had she not simply refused to do it? It would have been easy to do, and as she stood by the window, staring down at the street, she imagined having done just that. Abe would not have pressed the issue. He would have taken her refusal at face value and left the apartment with no further word.
But she’d said yes to the proposal, regardless of the risk, and she knew now that she’d done it because to have done anything else would have been to retreat even further into the netherworld she occupied now, to abandon all future hope of a happy ending to her life.
She felt the weight of the pistol in her hand, heard the chilling voice, Kill him! Now she knew precisely why she hadn’t done it then or later. Against all odds, against the terrible urgency of the murderous voice in her head, she had glimpsed the precipice, felt her feet poised at its jagged edge, but at the decisive moment also glimpsed the hope she would forfeit if she leaped, and so had said, to her own astonishment, Not yet.
TONY
He steered the boat out of the marina and into the choppy waters of Long Island Sound. Caruso stood a few feet away, the collar of his jacket raised against the wind despite the fact that the cabin was entirely enclosed.
“You know, I never cared for the water,” Tony told him.
Caruso watched the churning waters apprehensively. “I fucking hate it, being in a fucking boat.”
“Why’s that?”
Caruso looked embarrassed. “I never learned to swim.”
Tony revved the engine, and the boat lurched forward so abruptly that Caruso grabbed the metal railing to his left. “Jesus.”
Tony turned the wheel to the right and the boat made a broad loop, bouncing roughly in the churning waters until it came to a halt and sat, weaving unsteadily in the heaving waves.
“Okay, here it is,” Tony said. He shut off the engine and faced Caruso. “I know Eddie talked to you. I know because I told him to do it. So if anything happened to him, I’m to blame.”
Tony could see that Caruso was trying to play it cool, but that he was nonetheless growing edgy and uncertain.
“I wanted Eddie to talk to you and find out what was going on with my father,” Tony continued. “I know he’s looking for Sara, and I figure he’d put you on the job.”
Caruso’s eyes drifted over to the roiling, foam-spattered sea. “I told you all that.”
Tony guessed that Caruso was trying to calculate exactly how much he could tell him without betraying the Old Man.
“You think I’m just a gofer, right?” Caruso asked sharply.
“I know you work for my father, that’s all,” Tony answered.
“Everybody thinks I’m just a fucking gofer,” Caruso said. “But I ain’t. He gives me important things to do. Looking for your wife, he wouldn’t put me on that. He’d say, ‘Vinnie, find a guy to do this thing.’ That’s what he’d say. And that’s what I’d do.”
“Is that what you did?”
Caruso looked as if he’d been challenged to stand and deliver. “Yeah, as a matter of fact. Goddamn right I found a guy.”
“So it’s not you that’s looking for Sara?”
“No.”
“Who is?”
“Like I just told you, some other guy.”
“What’s this other guy’s name?”
“I don’t know.”
“Vinnie, don’t fuck with me,” Tony warned.
Caruso’s eyes swept over to Tony, fear like small blue flames leaping inside them. “I swear I don’t know,” he said.
“But you told Eddie about this other guy?”
“Yeah.”
“What did you tell him?”
Caruso didn’t answer.
“What did you tell him, Vinnie?”
Caruso drew in a deep breath. “If your father knew that I was-”
Tony stepped over to him. “Listen to me,” he said. “I know you work for my father, but this thing’s between my wife and me. It’s none of his business, but he made it his business anyway. Just like he has since I got married. And it wasn’t any of Eddie Sullivan’s business, but I pulled him into it. So the thing is, I got two people to worry about now. And the whole fucking thing is because my father stuck his nose in where it didn’t belong, and I let him do that. The whole thing is my fault, Vinnie. My fucking fault. And so it’s for me to straighten this thing out, you understand?”
Caruso remained silent, and so Tony drew in closer.
“He’s a bad man, Vinnie,” he said.
Caruso chuckled. “No, he ain’t.”
“My father is a very bad man,” Tony repeated emphatically.
Caruso waved his hand. “He’s been good to me, your father, treats me like a-” He stopped. “Treats me good is what I’m saying.”
It was then Tony saw it, the weird loyalty Caruso had for the Old Man. “You don’t owe him anything, Vinnie. You know why? Because he wouldn’t lift a finger for you. And something else. No matter what you do, he’ll never give a shit about you.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Tony,” Caruso said in a voice that struck Tony as curiously childlike, a piece of wishful thinking, like a little boy clinging against all evidence to his belief in Santa Claus.
“Yeah, I do,” Tony said almost gently. “I do know because he’s done it before.”
“Done what?”
“Gotten a guy to try to please him, do everything he could to please him,” Tony answered. “And this other guy did his best too. Because he was like you, Vinnie. He just wanted to feel like the Old Man loved him.”
Caruso looked at him doubtfully. “What guy you talking about?”
Tony felt relieved that he’d finally figured it out, the whole rotten scheme. “Me,” he said with a small, sad smile. “That other guy was me.”
DELLA
She could hardly believe the urgency in her mother’s voice, the way she’d demanded that she drop everything, pack Nicky into his car seat, and come right away. You’d have thought her house was on fire.
But the house looked just the same when Della brought the car to a halt in front of it. Despite the chill, her mother was sitting on the stoop, loosely wrapped in an old wool coat, and looking uncharacteristically tense.