They left the table and Mike shook hands with each of them at the airlock.
After he was gone Rue scowled at Rebecca. "You're shameless. Haven't you got anything better to do than try to set people up?"
"Hey, matchmaking's an old and respectable tradition," she replied with a grin.
"Not on my ship it isn't." But they were all laughing at her and after a moment she joined in.
RUE COULDN'T SLEEP, so she drifted out into the common area. Rebecca was sitting up, talking through a holo window to one of the women from Crisler's security team. She noticed Rue and said, "Call you later," then closed the connection. Then she frowned at Rue. "Back whence ye came."
"I can't." Rue settled down at the table next to Rebecca. She clasped her hands in front of her and stared through the holos. "I'm glad Mike came over tonight," she said. It wasn't what she wanted to say, but she didn't know how to approach that.
Rebecca arched an eyebrow. "You like him, don't you?"
"Yes, but… It's just… I was starting to go seriously crazy worrying, when he showed up. He proved I was right about not trusting Crisler. But he also took my mind off things."
"What things?"
She shrugged angrily. "You know what's at stake tomorrow."
Rebecca sighed. "I know what you think is at stake."
"Rebecca, we haven't found anything like a control system anywhere else in the Envy. If it's not in the Lasa habitat, then maybe there isn't one. Not one we'd understand, anyway." All during their search for supplies to repair the stacks, Rue had kept an eye out for anything that might be a control surface. They hadn't opened all the habitats yet, but they'd certainly visited the biggest ones. For days a sense of helplessness had been growing in her and she'd confided in no one, until tonight she felt like bursting. "We've got to think about what happens if we can't control the Envy," she said.
Rebecca put a hand on hers, "Yes, Rue, we do need to do that. But we don't need to do it tonight. There's months to go before we reach our rendezvous with Colossus. Anything could happen in that time.
"Hmm." Rebecca looked at her appraisingly. "I remember when you showed up at Treya, all jittery and determined. You didn't seem to know what you were determined about, but you were determined." They both laughed. "But that's just it, Rue; have you asked yourself what you're going to do if we do find out how to control the Envy?"
Rue stared at her. The question was infuriating somehow, though she couldn't have said why. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Ah, I think you do." When she saw that Rue wasn't going to answer, Rebecca continued. "You know, Rue, you're one of the most driven people I know. But you don't think of yourself that way."
"I'm just trying to survive."
"By doing this?" Rebecca waved around at the habitat. "This is more than just survival. We could have settled down on Chandaka; I could have finished my education there, you'd have found something—"
"We'd have been poor! Worse than poor— indentured. Same as I was at Treya."
"Rue, you were perfectly happy working in the mountains and living hand-to-mouth. I remember it very well."
Rue shrugged angrily. "But I wasn't responsible for all you guys then."
"We can look after ourselves, you know." The words stung. "I'm not saying you're not a wonderful captain— you are— it's just that you've got to learn that your responsibility ends where our ability to think for ourselves begins. You're upset about Max putting himself in cold storage, aren't you?"
"Of course I am! I should have taken better care of him."
Rebecca shook her head. "You did all you could for him. After a certain point, how he takes the help you give him is up to him. Max's problems run too deep for you or I to help him. We can be supportive; and ultimately you were, when you allowed him to put himself on ice."
Rue sat back, absorbing the words. They were silent for a long time; then Rue said, almost against her will, "Then I don't know what it means to be captain. Rebecca, I don't get it."
"You will. Just… not tonight." Rebecca pointed imperiously in the direction of the staterooms. "Now go to sleep. I want to see you fresh in the morning."
"Yes, doctor," said Rue unhappily. "Beck, I… I'm glad you're here."
Rebecca hugged her and Rue sailed back to her room, feeling a little lighter, though no less confused.
Rebecca was right, though; Rue had no picture in her mind of what her life would be like after this expedition. No picture at all. Success or failure seemed the same to her— a blank.
She resented Rebecca's insight, so when she strapped herself into bed, Rue fought down all thought— since to think would be to think about the question Rebecca had raised— and soon fell fast asleep.
16
THEY APPROACHED THE Lasa habitat in three sleds. This was the largest party to visit any of the Envy's strange, self-entombed vessels; even Crisler was along this time. That was unfortunate, because the admiral had made it plain that he considered Michael a renegade now, and the marines were watching every move he made. That would make it difficult for him to execute his little plan. He remained stubbornly determined, however. Crisler had made him angry.
The slowly spinning habitat glowed beautifully in the floodlights— a finely iridescent black, like velvet, with crimson lettering set in it in discrete islands. By Michael's reckoning, they were approaching from the side opposite to the side whose photos had been faked. On the face of it, this made sense: They were simply approaching the pole of the spinning ball that faced the Banshee.
When they were a hundred meters away, Michael said, "Let's take a quick orbit of the place. That way we can get a higher quality photomosaic."
"I don't think that'll be necessary, Bequith." Interesting— that was Crisler's voice.
"The more detail we have the better analysis we can make," he retorted. A couple of the scientists murmured in agreement.
"All right, then," said Crisler. That was a bit surprising.
He reached down into a thigh pouch and drew out the camera Rue had lent him. The mirror he left in the pouch. If for some reason they were not allowed to make this orbit, he had been planning to toss the mirror and try to photograph the far side of the habitat in its reflection. He was almost disappointed at not getting the chance to be so devious.
Maybe it was someone on Chandaka who had faked the Lasa photos, in which case all his caution was unnecessary. Maybe it was the saboteur… He should know in a few seconds.
The far side of the habitat rotated into view and the floodlights played over it. Michael had an inscape window open with the existing photomosaic in it and he looked at this, then at the habitat, then back at the mosaic.
"Gods and kami," he murmured. The full paragraph came into view and it was exactly the same as the one in the photos.
Was this somebody's idea of a joke? — take a photomosaic and doctor it to look like something had been faked when nothing had? Or had Blair just copied four pictures to complete an incomplete photomosaic? That was so sloppy as to be ridiculous— and Blair himself had insisted his photo documentary was complete. He had not missed this side of the sphere.
Michael looked over at sled two, which was briefly silhouetted against the red script. The third figure back was Rue Cassels. She was turned his way, a human shaped erasure of the lettering. He made an exaggerated shrug. She turned away.